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Feedback on my situation please!!!

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Originally posted by RobT

Thank you very much medusa and SS, very much appreciated:thumbsup:

 

What you have said is the same as me and Katharine. We both know are situation is unique and not normal but we both know that if/when someone comes into our lives if they are worth it they will be understanding.

 

Glad to have been of some use, Rob, but PLEASE - my nickname is Sparkle! :o The leather and jack boots image aside, I confess to feeling slightly perturbed at being called SS..... :suspect:

 

Cheers!

 

Sparkle

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Greetings, RobT. I hope you don't mind me stepping in with some words of my own.

 

It is my humble opinion that there are almost as many stances on the 'rights' and the 'wrongs' of relationships in this world as there are religions (over six and a half billion, the last time anybody checked). What is good and proper for one will not necessarily be the be-all-and-end-all for another.

 

With that said, I personally believe that you should do what is best for yourself. Will you feel discomfort if you were to present a new paramour to your former lover? Would you feel hurt if she reversed the tables? How would you feel if your newly acquired love was to introduce you to her housemate and previous (or perhaps even extant) partner?

 

Some people practice monogamy as if it were going out of fashion. They commit themselves to one person, and one person alone, for the rest of their days or so help me God! Others flit aimlessly from one lover to the next, hopping beds as freely as a bee does with flowers. Both of these approaches are wrong; both of these approaches are right.

 

Only one person can ever tell you if something is correct, and that is you my friend. If your former lover tells you that she has no objection to meeting any new flames in your life then what can you do but believe her? As I have said elsewhere, honesty truly is the best policy for relationships of any form. Be honest with future lovers and the 'issue' will never raise its head.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I must tend to the fires. The wind blows chill in the manor tonight.

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Originally posted by StarSparkle

Glad to have been of some use, Rob, but PLEASE - my nickname is Sparkle! :o The leather and jack boots image aside, I confess to feeling slightly perturbed at being called SS..... :suspect:

 

Cheers!

 

Sparkle

 

Sorry sparkle :D

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Originally posted by byronshadow

Greetings, RobT. I hope you don't mind me stepping in with some words of my own.

 

It is my humble opinion that there are almost as many stances on the 'rights' and the 'wrongs' of relationships in this world as there are religions (over six and a half billion, the last time anybody checked). What is good and proper for one will not necessarily be the be-all-and-end-all for another.

 

With that said, I personally believe that you should do what is best for yourself. Will you feel discomfort if you were to present a new paramour to your former lover? Would you feel hurt if she reversed the tables? How would you feel if your newly acquired love was to introduce you to her housemate and previous (or perhaps even extant) partner?

 

Some people practice monogamy as if it were going out of fashion. They commit themselves to one person, and one person alone, for the rest of their days or so help me God! Others flit aimlessly from one lover to the next, hopping beds as freely as a bee does with flowers. Both of these approaches are wrong; both of these approaches are right.

 

Only one person can ever tell you if something is correct, and that is you my friend. If your former lover tells you that she has no objection to meeting any new flames in your life then what can you do but believe her? As I have said elsewhere, honesty truly is the best policy for relationships of any form. Be honest with future lovers and the 'issue' will never raise its head.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I must tend to the fires. The wind blows chill in the manor tonight.

 

thanks byron:thumbsup:

 

Katharine and myself dont have any issues with the situation its other 'potential' partners who may.

 

But yes trust is a big thing. How is the new person meant to know we are not jumping into bed together?

 

Thats the tricky issue!!

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I think you'll find Rob that there are probably more people that would feel uncomfortable with the situation than not.

 

Sparkle...

I know it's your opinion but I don't think it has anything at all to do with someone's maturity or how 'grown up' they are, you could be the most mature person on earth but if you have been involved in a similar situation to this where someone has been unfaithful then that could force you to avoid making that same mistake again.

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Oooh I wouldn't deal with the situation at all well.... I think I speak for a fair few girls who have issues with "exes" and I freak out at the fact my boyf works with his let alone living under the same roof... I even got rid of his bed when i moved in.... I'm a nice girl and I trust him implicitley but I'm a girl and I suppose I may have some insecurity issues....

 

However part of that is due to the fact his ex is horrible. If she was nice it might be less of an issue...

 

I've been the ex and have always been lovely to my ex fiancee's girlfriend.... but equally - i didn't live with him....

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Originally posted by twichibi

I think you'll find Rob that there are probably more people that would feel uncomfortable with the situation than not.

 

Sparkle...

I know it's your opinion but I don't think it has anything at all to do with someone's maturity or how 'grown up' they are, you could be the most mature person on earth but if you have been involved in a similar situation to this where someone has been unfaithful then that could force you to avoid making that same mistake again.

 

Part of growing up and maturing is realising that life can be very complicated, and that little in life is actually black-and-white, much as we'd like it to be.

 

Generally speaking, the older you get, (and the more relationships you have), the more emotional baggage you collect, and it's likely to be the same for your potential partners. This makes for complicated relationships all round.

 

Part of being an adult is accepting that no relationship can ever be perfect, that you will have to put up with some aspects of another person's life or past you may not be entirely happy with. But if you want to be with that person enough, you will be willing to compromise, at least enough so that you give the fledgling relationship a fighting chance of success.

 

Most of us, if not all, have been hurt in relationships, and maybe have had our trust betrayed, but does that mean we should give up on love? Personally, I don't think so.

 

StarSparkle

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Thanks for your feedback everyone. Some negatives, as expected!

 

I think i prefer Sparkle's theory that any new person would be mature enough to deal with the situation:thumbsup:

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Originally posted by byronshadow

Greetings, RobT. I hope you don't mind me stepping in with some words of my own.

 

It is my humble opinion that there are almost as many stances on the 'rights' and the 'wrongs' of ...

 

Greetings, byronshadow.

 

It is my humble opinion, that expressed opinions beginning 'It is my humble opinion', are anything but humble!

 

I do believe you, sir, have a fetish for flowery writings ...

 

:P

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Of course, the content of your post was first rate.

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Originally posted by RobT

 

I think i prefer Sparkle's theory that any new person would be mature enough to deal with the situation:thumbsup:

 

It's nowt to do with maturity.... It's to do with human nature and the all too natural feelings of jealousy and insecurity....

 

Not sure whether to feel offended or not!

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Originally posted by absynthfairy

It's nowt to do with maturity.... It's to do with human nature and the all too natural feelings of jealousy and insecurity....

 

Not sure whether to feel offended or not!

 

Oh dear :( - I don't want to offend you, Absynthfairy, but I have to disagree with you here.

 

I do think maturity would play a part in whether a potential new partner was able to cope with Rob's situation or not. Granted, only a part - a person's basic personality and their 'trust-issues' or whatever would obviously play a big part too.

 

I wouldn't expect that someone, say in their early twenties, would have enough life-experence to take the situation in their stride. Generally - and I do say Generally - they are unlikely to have had much experience of complex romantic relationships where you can't finish with someone 'just like that' because you share a home, a mortgage, even children.

 

It sounds like Rob and his ex have come to a mutually acceptable and grown-up decision about how they will relate to each other in the future. It is perhaps unusual, in that they're behaving in a civilised manner rather than calling each other all the names under the sun, trying to take each other to the cleaner's etc. Other people may be confused by this, and rather than being impressed by their good sense and seeing it as an excellent blueprint for other couples to emulate, may well find it all a bit suspicious. I really think a lot of that is down to it being a bit unusual, leading to a lot of people having an innate suspicion about it.

 

I think a bit of maturity IS called for in this situation, from all parties. Part of that involves having trust/faith in your partner, that you don't have to be watching them 24 hours a day to know that they're not going to be cheating on you. If you're feeling jealousy - why is that? Does it really mean you don't trust them to behave themselves? I think personally that's quite insulting, really. It's like "oh my God, there's a person of the opposite sex in the bedroom next door to my boyfriend - he obviously won't be able to keep his hands off her". Oh please!! The couple concerned have obviously broken up for a reason, or they'd still be together.

 

Sorry to ramble on.....

 

StarSparkle

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