Living With HIV

[lifegoeson 10]

SOMETHING i thought would not effect me,how do i find myself here writing this,iv'e seen articles on here and the contempt they get off narrow minded people,just really need to see my story wrote down how a then 41 year old married guy with kids and grandkids getting infected with HIV 2 years ago...

 

I can imagine what you’re thinking reading this. I got sexually assaulted by 3 guys after a night out which totally changed my life forever – it was 2 years ago, March 5th at 11.13am 2009. Yeah, exact time and date, I remember it that well...getting a phone call from the GUM (sexual health) clinic from the nurse, while getting ready to take my wife to work for her shift. She said that I needed to get antibiotics as I had chlamydia as a result of the RAPE.

 

I knew I needed to get myself checked out for my wife’s health too; imagine after 25 years of marriage worrying about having sex with your own wife for 16 weeks, as I could not get a HIV result till after 12 weeks. I got accused of going elsewhere, having an affair, as in her words she knows I “cant go without SEX”. I couldn’t tell her why, as I never told anyone about what happened, only my counselor and doctor at the clinic.

 

Going back to the phone call: I thought RELIEF! In a week I will be FINE. Five minutes later I get another call from the same nurse, saying I really needed to come in ASAP to see the doctor. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach; I felt SICK. I JUST KNEW I had AIDS AND THAT WAS THE END OF MY LIFE! Yeah, my own narrow-minded view too. And yes, my WIFE was still there in the room: I couldn't think straight.

 

I dropped my wife at work, came home, rang the clinic straight back and asked them if I had AIDS. The reply was “I’m sorry, I can’t discuss this over the phone. Come in for 2pm.” I put the phone down and fell on the bed, thumping the mattress, kicking my legs and crying, thinking “How long have I got to live?” I had just over 2 hours to wait to go to clinic, which was like forever (I cant even remember driving the 20-minute journey) but I got there. I waited 1 hour and forty five minutes to get called in from the waiting room to see the doctor. I went in and sat down. There was a female doctor who just looked at me. I said “I’m HIV POSITIVE.” She nodded, saying “yes”. I went to jelly, even though I knew already. I asked how long I had, as I thought (as people will do NOW) that I’d be dead in few years.

 

When she told me I could and would live a normal life and still reach my 80s and more, and had more chance of dying from cancer or a heart attack than an AIDS-related illness, I was a little relieved. I’d see my grandkids grow up and get married; that was a good thought. She also told me that it could be between 5 to 15 years before I needed to be medicated - it all depended on my CD4 count and VIRAL LOAD, which would be tested over the coming weeks and months. I got infected with HIV on 28th November 2008, which was 4 months previously.

 

Over the next few weeks months my bloods were monitored. It got to July: yet another row over sex as we were still not having it. My wife walked out. I cried and was really down. I wanted to end things so I got some tablets which I knew would do it, and went for walk. I ended in up in the woods as I didn’t want to take a chance on being found before it was over. I was seen walking in distressed state, and my wife was told. She then came home and found the tablets were missing. I was on anti-depressants already and so was classed as vulnerable, so the police were informed.

 

I eventually got found and was sectioned for 37 hrs at the NGH. After I was released I was under Edmund Road for 6 weeks with home visits as well as going to them – talking, talking, talking all about how best to tell my wife, who still did not know. I was ashamed and embarrassed: how did I get RAPED? WHY ME!!!????

Eventually I let my health advisor arrange for my wife to come in for testing. I took her, still not being able to tell her I was positive. I had taken the coward’s way out a few nights before and texted her, saying I couldn’t tell her to her face that I’d been RAPED and I needed her now more than I ever needed anyone. We’d been married at 17: how could I not talk to her about this??? When she came out after her tests I asked if she was ok and what had been said. She said she was ok. I didn't know and she didn't say whether she had been told I was HIV POSITIVE till a few weeks later.

 

We were alone and had a drink and heart to heart; she told me she knew. I said, “knew what?”; her reply was “You’re HIV. I’ve known since my test.” I couldn't say anything else. She said, “I’m here for you.” I told her I’d been scared to tell her; we both cried and cuddled. It felt GOOD; the weight on my mind lifted.

She came to my appointments from then on; she got her own health advisor counselor too, and we would chat at home later. By August I was advised to start taking retrovirals, which were four tablets to be taken at same time everyday for the rest of my life. I wasn’t expecting this so soon; it had only been 10 months since I’d been infected and only 5 months after my diagnosis. Eventually my CD4 count is rising and my viral load is now at ZERO.

 

That’s it for NOW - sorry for going on and on! xx A BIG THANK YOU FOR MrsMozzy for taking the time to sort out my post

Edited September 16, 2011 by lifegoeson
thanks Mr Mozzy

[stupid head 10]

Mate, i'd love to read that, but it's so badly laid out i can't.

 

I'm not having a dig in the usual troll style, but maybe you could edit it again into paragraphs with punctuation for easy reading, or get someone to do that for you. ?

 

I'd do it, but it's 4.15am, though i'll bookmark it and maybe have a go tomorrow.

Edited September 16, 2011 by stupid head

[0742Sheff 10]

Whoa... I can't be reading a wall of text like that.

 

I am assuming this is a really heart felt OP so i will try and read my way through it after some sleep. Just posting so as to mark this thread.

[stupid head 10]

I've copied this and saved it in notepad to read tomorrow in case it gets deleted, though i really hope it doesn't get binned.

 

An ideal candidate for "Dear forum" if ever i saw one.

[Donkey lover 10]

Why Dear Forum? The guy obviously isn't ashamed to post it.

 

Good luck fella.

[MrMoran 10]

Good luck mate

[nikki-red 308]

Wow.

Dont apologise for going on and on, you obviously needed to get it off your chest.

 

Best wishes and good luck for the future x

[wornout53 10]

Sod the paragraphs and punctuation!

You are a very brave man and I thank you sincerely for sharing your story. I hope you have many happy and fulfilling years ahead.

[MrsMozzy 10]

Hello lifegoes on.

 

I was moved by your story: I wish you all the very best and thank you for bravely sharing it. I can't help in any practical way except this (I hope you don't mind):

 

SOMETHING I thought would not affect me: how do I find myself here writing this? I’ve seen articles on here and the contempt they get off narrow-minded people. I just really need to see my story written down - a then-41 year old married guy with kids and grandkids getting infected with HIV 2 years ago...

 

I can imagine what you’re thinking reading this. I got sexually assaulted by 3 guys after a night out which totally changed my life forever – it was 2 years ago, March 5th at 11.13am 2009. Yeah, exact time and date, I remember it that well...getting a phone call from the GUM (sexual health) clinic from the nurse, while getting ready to take my wife to work for her shift. She said that I needed to get antibiotics as I had chlamydia as a result of the RAPE.

 

I knew I needed to get myself checked out for my wife’s health too; imagine after 25 years of marriage worrying about having sex with your own wife for 16 weeks, as I could not get a HIV result till after 12 weeks. I got accused of going elsewhere, having an affair, as in her words she knows I “cant go without SEX”. I couldn’t tell her why, as I never told anyone about what happened, only my counselor and doctor at the clinic.

 

Going back to the phone call: I thought RELIEF! In a week I will be FINE. Five minutes later I get another call from the same nurse, saying I really needed to come in ASAP to see the doctor. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach; I felt SICK. I JUST KNEW I had AIDS AND THAT WAS THE END OF MY LIFE! Yeah, my own narrow-minded view too. And yes, my WIFE was still there in the room: I couldn't think straight.

 

I dropped my wife at work, came home, rang the clinic straight back and asked them if I had AIDS. The reply was “I’m sorry, I can’t discuss this over the phone. Come in for 2pm.” I put the phone down and fell on the bed, thumping the mattress, kicking my legs and crying, thinking “How long have I got to live?” I had just over 2 hours to wait to go to clinic, which was like forever (I cant even remember driving the 20-minute journey) but I got there. I waited 1 hour and forty five minutes to get called in from the waiting room to see the doctor. I went in and sat down. There was a female doctor who just looked at me. I said “I’m HIV POSITIVE.” She nodded, saying “yes”. I went to jelly, even though I knew already. I asked how long I had, as I thought (as people will do NOW) that I’d be dead in few years.

 

When she told me I could and would live a normal life and still reach my 80s and more, and had more chance of dying from cancer or a heart attack than an AIDS-related illness, I was a little relieved. I’d see my grandkids grow up and get married; that was a good thought. She also told me that it could be between 5 to 15 years before I needed to be medicated - it all depended on my CD4 count and VIRAL LOAD, which would be tested over the coming weeks and months. I got infected with HIV on 28th November 2008, which was 4 months previously.

 

Over the next few weeks months my bloods were monitored. It got to July: yet another row over sex as we were still not having it. My wife walked out. I cried and was really down. I wanted to end things so I got some tablets which I knew would do it, and went for walk. I ended in up in the woods as I didn’t want to take a chance on being found before it was over. I was seen walking in distressed state, and my wife was told. She then came home and found the tablets were missing. I was on anti-depressants already and so was classed as vulnerable, so the police were informed.

 

I eventually got found and was sectioned for 37 hrs at the NGH. After I was released I was under Edmund Road for 6 weeks with home visits as well as going to them – talking, talking, talking all about how best to tell my wife, who still did not know. I was ashamed and embarrassed: how did I get RAPED? WHY ME!!!????

Eventually I let my health advisor arrange for my wife to come in for testing. I took her, still not being able to tell her I was positive. I had taken the coward’s way out a few nights before and texted her, saying I couldn’t tell her to her face that I’d been RAPED and I needed her now more than I ever needed anyone. We’d been married at 17: how could I not talk to her about this??? When she came out after her tests I asked if she was ok and what had been said. She said she was ok. I didn't know and she didn't say whether she had been told I was HIV POSITIVE till a few weeks later.

 

We were alone and had a drink and heart to heart; she told me she knew. I said, “knew what?”; her reply was “You’re HIV. I’ve known since my test.” I couldn't say anything else. She said, “I’m here for you.” I told her I’d been scared to tell her; we both cried and cuddled. It felt GOOD; the weight on my mind lifted.

She came to my appointments from then on; she got her own health advisor counselor too, and we would chat at home later. By August I was advised to start taking retrovirals, which were four tablets to be taken at same time everyday for the rest of my life. I wasn’t expecting this so soon; it had only been 10 months since I’d been infected and only 5 months after my diagnosis. Eventually my CD4 count is rising and my viral load is now at ZERO.

 

That’s it for NOW - sorry for going on and on! xx

Edited September 16, 2011 by MrsMozzy

[MrMoran 10]

Nice one MrsMozzy:thumbsup:

[lifegoeson 10]

thankyou so much mrsmozzy.it looks and reads far better,you got a job when i draft my book lol....xx

[KTHFB 10]

I'm so sorry to read this happening to you. Did they ever catch who assaulted you?

 

HIV is not the death threat that (some) people assume it to be. It can be very well managed with the right dose of medication - as you're no doubt finding out.

 

I hope you go on to live to a very, very old age. You certainly CAN do this living with HIV and I wish you all the very best. xx