Help..May have put my foot in it!

[kimba 10]

He could quite possibly be insecure, but her reaction is also questionable on the 'insecure' matter...

I was thinking along the lines of if that is how she has reacted / thought because he HAS told her, then how would she react if he DIDN'T tell her and then she later found out?

We don't know how he came across when telling her, if it was like it sounds then mentioning it in the first place would not warrant her attitude and then I would say the problem is with her, but stressing there's nothing in it suggests that he wishes her to think there could be and that's where I am coming from and perhaps where the future wife is looking at it.

 

This does not have to be a big deal, and could even be healthy to put the relationship under this minor stress test. How both parties react to this situation will say a lot about the relationship, but I doubt very much if it will have an effect on them actually getting married.

 

I am still of the opinion that this was said out of some sort of nerves and insecurity whether the OP recognizes this to be the case or admits it or not.

Something subconscious is questioning whether they are making the right choice or not and trying to gain some affirmation that it is by way of seeing if a situation would stir up any jealous emotion in the future wife thus meaning that she is really in love and wants the commitment and willing to challenge anything that could possibly interfere with the relationship.

 

Maybe Im looking too deep into this and the OP is just an idiot ?

(no offense )

[kimba 10]

Got it right this time..

What me pretending to be bright ?

[Alcoblog 10]

Considering half the people in the world are the opposite sex from the other half (biologically, at least), I really can't see the problem with a bloke going out with a woman as friends (obviously vice versa) ... why do people automatically assume it's gonna end up in the destruction of a relationship, sex, putting kids into an orphanage etc?

 

I've got absolutely no prob if my G/F wants to go out with a bloke friend ... why should I?

Vice versa once again ... why would my G/F worry about me seeing a girlfriend?

To be honest, I prefer the company of a woman for conversational pursuits ... apart from motorbikes and cars (who want's a pink Harley Davidson Road King or any kind of Vauxhall!?)

 

Friends are friends.

[Fibutton 10]

You were right to be honest and "admit" to a simple lunch with a colleague - the fact that she is female should have no bearing on the situation.

 

I work in a mixed team, and often go and have a sarnie with one of the blokes on our team, and Mr F is fine with it, (not that I'd care if he wasn't ).

 

I do question why she is so insecure after 5 years of being with you, IMO there must be more to this than what you have posted, otherwise, it's an just immature and unecessessary tantrum on your partners part.

 

Or, are you testing her in some way?

 

How would you react if she went out with a male colleague for a lunch?

[Isabelle 10]

I think you were right to tell her, but maybe it should have been in a more casual way, so as not to make an issue of it.

Maybe she could meet your female colleague, you never know, they may become friends?

[denlin 12]

I think you were right to tell her, but maybe it should have been in a more casual way, so as not to make an issue of it.

Maybe she could meet your female colleague, you never know, they may become friends?

 

That's right it's not what you say but the way you come across when you say it. I play pool everyday at work and some of my best friends at work are male and I often talk about them but my OH has no issue with this as he trusts me and I trust him. You need to sit down and talk this through

[Cyclone 10]

Well thats just weird. I sometimes I mention to my partner if I've met up with a male friend but only as part of conversation. I never sit him down and say 'look darling I've something to tell you. I met up with another man, but theres nothing in it. Are you ok with that?'

 

Of course she's going to be a bit spooked!

 

Exactly, that's what I was trying to say.

[salsafan 10]

Anyway, since you opened this can of worm then shouldn't you really check and see each other's reactions and work through this, if there is indeed any issues or whatever? I have to even declare this kind of relationship with just my female friends never mind male friends.

 

"So who is this new girl then?"

Me: "Oh, I met her through xyz, we talked about abc..."

 

Basically, it is a case of, who is this person to you, and what and why. This is called open communications, and even with female friends, like, the really close ones, I also expect them to be open to their OH too of some of the personal issues that I tell them etc. As I really do not think that couples should have any lies to each other, or any kind of closed relationship or feelings. I also do things to maintain my relationship with them as well.

 

Why write online here, and not tell your missus that you are concerned about her perception of you and that social outing with this person ?

 

If anything, it raises issues on how you guys see the relationships, and what your own expectations are from it. At least you can then do something about it, adjust it, or whatever to your own coupledom.

 

I do think that you should indeed talk to her about it, cos you seemed so much more concerned about this afterwards than your missus. As you get older, you slowly lose the friends from the opposite sex you know, unless you all met and know know each other well. Sometimes releasing some angst is okay, but you also got to be truthful about the fact that you did it. I mean, what else saves a marriage or relationship if not honesty ? You cannot expect each partner to take it in and not react to it in any way, so.. give it time as well to let things settle. This is a good practice of handling relationship issues that may arise from your marriage if anything!

Edited September 13, 2011 by salsafan

[lauren84 11]

I think I have found what is wrong here.....

 

Does the woman from reception have a soft spot for you, you know she has and you find it as a little bit of an ego boost.

 

Then you feel guilty about it and that you might have encouraged your new lunch partner so feel like you have to 'come clean'

[Jabberwocky 46]

I have more female friends than male by far and I spend a lot of time with them and I dont tell my OH everything. Its a matter of trust, not only in each other but in yourselves too, if someones going to play around then they`ll do it no matter what so if you can trust yourselves and each other than it shouldnt matter how many members of the opposite sex you see.

[lauren84 11]

I have more female friends than male by far and I spend a lot of time with them and I dont tell my OH everything. Its a matter of trust, not only in each other but in yourselves too, if someones going to play around then they`ll do it no matter what so if you can trust yourselves and each other than it shouldnt matter how many members of the opposite sex you see.

 

If its innocent then you won't tell your OH everything as it is normal every day behaviour which is frankly quite boring. I mean would you give your partner word for word account of the conversation between you and the check out lady!!!

 

You only repeat the significant parts of the day, such as interesting news, good or bad, special things, funny things or to have a moan.

 

I think it must be out of the ordinary for the OP or he wouldn't make such a deal out of it

[Jabberwocky 46]

If its innocent then you won't tell your OH everything as it is normal every day behaviour which is frankly quite boring. I mean would you give your partner word for word account of the conversation between you and the check out lady!!!

 

You only repeat the significant parts of the day, such as interesting news, good or bad, special things, funny things or to have a moan.

 

I think it must be out of the ordinary for the OP or he wouldn't make such a deal out of it

 

Well yeah you have a good point. I lived with someone who was constantly suspicious and questioned everything I did and now Im with the exact opposite of her and thinking about it I must say that if something different happened Id mention it.