My partner can't handle his beer

[loopyloo2000 10]

These threads are always the same - the usual well meaning but foolish idiots who've only heard one side of the story urging the woman to dump their partner just because he's not perfect.

 

Hasn't anyone read the OP's posts properly - he's not violent towards her, he's fine most of the time, he just acts a bit daft when he's drunk. She should just accept that he has his faults and, if she doesn't like how he acts in the pub, she should stop going there with him.

 

What she actually says in her original post is "he does throw stuff around and punch walls etc. He screams in my face in the middle of the street" She shouldn't hang around to find out if he'll be violent towards her, all the warning signs are there!!

[sccsux 10]

he just acts a bit daft when he's drunk.

 

Like smashing the house up whilst "in a temper"?

[Tess 10]

What, if its in public? its hardly like its his house its smashing up, probably just a wall in a street or something.

[sccsux 10]

I agree with Cyclone and Rickie, its really not domestic abuse, its just getting daft after deciding to drink more than is sensible.

 

That's probably because you're in a similar situation to the OP?

 

Others can see potential warnings (given that the OP has stated that he has been verbally abusive towards her/him) and are voicing their concerns.

[Tess 10]

In my case, everyone I have spoken to who have witnessed it have said that they know he isn't actually like that, hell, he even knows himself. This is my best friends and my family speaking and I think if they were concerned they might speak up. Just my opinion.

[sccsux 10]

What, if its in public? its hardly like its his house its smashing up, probably just a wall in a street or something.

 

"When he loses his temper its walls that get punched, and his phone that gets smashed - never anything of mine"

 

Implies that it happens in the home, too.

[sccsux 10]

everyone I have spoken to who have witnessed it have said that they know he isn't actually like that

 

If people have witnessed it, then he is actually like that. Blaming alcohol is a pretty pathetic excuse to cover an inadequacy.

[Tess 10]

If people have witnessed it, then he is actually like that. Blaming alcohol is a pretty pathetic excuse to cover an inadequacy.

 

You've quite obviously made your decision about people who can't hold their drinks. But I think each case is different. Would it be different if I screamed back in the bar - would that just make it a row instead of bloody wife battery?

[sccsux 10]

You've quite obviously made your decision about people who can't hold their drinks.

 

My decision isn't based on an ability to "hold their drinks". If people act in a certain manner when drunk, then you can pretty much believe that is how they are (at their core).

 

I no longer drink (haven't since I was about 21, over 24 years) but when I did, I simply used to fall asleep, never was I violent, towards anyone. Not because I can "handle my beer", simply because I have no violent tendencies.

 

Would it be different if I screamed back in the bar - would that just make it a row instead of bloody wife battery?

 

I have no idea what it would make it, it would still be an abusive relationship, though for both parties, regardless.

 

Remember, abuse and abusive relationships come in all shapes and sizes.

[rickiethecat 10]

My decision isn't based on an ability to "hold their drinks". If people act in a certain manner when drunk, then you can pretty much believe that is how they are (at their core).

 

I no longer drink (haven't since I was about 21, over 24 years) but when I did, I simply used to fall asleep, never was I violent, towards anyone. Not because I can "handle my beer", simply because I have no violent tendencies.

 

Ah right, you're a recovering alcoholic. That would explain your rather "extreme" views on this topic.

 

But back to the OP's problem, it seems quite a leap of faith that just because her bloke gets aggressive after a few drinks, he's going to turn into a wifebeater.

 

All the OP needs to do is sit down and talk to her partner explaining her concerns. He may change, he may not, but either way, I don't think this is a problem big enough for her to consider ending the relationship.

[Isabelle 10]

I'm not going to try to tell the OP what to do with her life, this invariably does not work. People in situations like this are often in denial and feel they have to prove that everyone else is wrong.

Make sure you don't alienate your family and friends though, they can be a great help in bad times.

I hope the OP resolves her problem, either way, life is too short to be miserable.

[sccsux 10]

Ah right, you're a recovering alcoholic.

 

You div. I quite drinking when I was 19 (makes me fall asleep) over 26 years ago..

 

Though I have worked in a support roll with recovering alcoholics.

 

That would explain your rather "extreme" views on this topic.

 

What's up, does the description sound a little like one of yourself? That would explain your attempted veiled insult.

Edited July 29, 2011 by sccsux