Ron Blanco   10 #1 Posted June 27, 2011 (edited) Here's a story I've written.  Moving out  All comments and suggestions are very welcome. Edited July 12, 2011 by Ron Blanco Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Lady Agatha   10 #2 Posted June 28, 2011 A really engrossing and professional piece - I wouldn't change any of it. I really enjoyed reading that, especially the back story of his childhood.  Lady A Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
De Batz   10 #3 Posted June 30, 2011 I agree with Lady Agatha - it's a good piece to read, and seems well-sorted in mechanical terms. Terry's speech has a nicely understated quality to it which - from my relatively limited experience - rings true of the sort of character you're describing. Though this occured to me on the second reading: he's exceptionally articulate, in writing, for someone who can't get his thoughts to settle. I wonder if some device is required to explain this, or perhaps it's better left unsaid. You can't 'ghost write' for him, because the access to his thoughts and feelings would be different... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Ron Blanco   10 #4 Posted June 30, 2011 Thanks for your comments Lady A and DB. All taken on board.  DB, your particular observation is a very interesting one. It's something I considered, but have not adequately addressed, perhaps. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Jeff Shone   10 #5 Posted July 1, 2011 A real nice piece there Ron. I was engrossed from the start. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Geza   10 #6 Posted July 2, 2011 Hi Ron,  this is beautifully written- in my opinion at least ''my thoughts simply meander aimlessly, rebounding off dead-ends.'' Such a true observation and so well put.  It becomes quickly obvious where Terry is, yet from his use of language and possibly because of his skills it's not obvious how he got there. This is what makes it so sad and sinister at the same time.  G Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Ron Blanco   10 #7 Posted July 3, 2011 Thanks Jeff and Geza. Much appreciated. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
coyleys   10 #8 Posted July 7, 2011 Nice one Ron, a really good read. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Ron Blanco   10 #9 Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for your encouragement, Coyleys. You've been quiet recently! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
coyleys   10 #10 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) Coyleys. You've been quiet recently!  Sorry Ron, I have not deserted the group, it’s just I have been really, really busy lately. It’s annoying when you have loads of ideas for short stories rattling round the old grey matter and no time to write. Hopefully, with the night’s drawing in, I should get time to dot a few tees and cross a few eyes – whatever . Have I missed any good gossip? I’ll catch up soon. P.S. I'm still waiting for that story and if any of the group wishes to contribute I’ll let you fill them in. Edited October 17, 2011 by coyleys P,S. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
KittiPaws   10 #11 Posted October 17, 2011 I enjoyed this piece a lot. The simmering emotion starts slowly and builds until the impact left me wondering what hit me. Very well done. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Ron Blanco   10 #12 Posted October 18, 2011 Thanks for reading, Kittipaws, and I appreciate your comments.  Coyleys, welcome back. As for gossip, well, we have been running a monthly competition since January. It's only 500 words, though, which may seem mean to a raconteur such as yourself. This month's theme is horror. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...