Help with needy boyfriend

[Rowan22 10]

That's a very good point but I have been in a relationship before where I did really like that person and you do get silly urges but out of respect for the other person you don't act on them. If you care about them you should want them to be happy and have a life, not just pander to you every single day! There's a line that has to be drawn.

 

I agree, and emotions aren't always rational. It is just a question of how much real class we show one another in respect of the feelings which very often spill over into obsession. That doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be controlled or stalked, it just means you say goodbye using the lightest touch which always commands greatest respect imo.

[MOTOKO 10]

Fair doo's. I don't know you or your BF so I have no doubt you know best.

 

From reading your posts it seems like you're with them because it's convenient to you at the moment, rather than anything meaningful.

 

A soul crushing scenario for the person who's genuinely in love!

 

People do the strangest of things for love, then look back and marvel at how mad or scarey they must have seemed at the time.

 

Oh lord, what a bad situation! Initially he seemed to feel the same way I did but then suddenly the intensity got freaky. I sometimes feel guilty but then I shouldn't really becuase I didn't ask for him to change and become blinded with love. Honestly it happened so quickly that I wasn't even sure it was love so much as infatuation (I still think it may be that) and I tried everything to dampen it. It's not convenience, I'm just confused because I've never had to deal with someone like this before.

 

Does infatuation last long?

[littlestar 10]

Oh lord, what a bad situation! Initially he seemed to feel the same way I did but then suddenly the intensity got freaky. I sometimes feel guilty but then I shouldn't really becuase I didn't ask for him to change and become blinded with love. Honestly it happened so quickly that I wasn't even sure it was love so much as infatuation (I still think it may be that) and I tried everything to dampen it. It's not convenience, I'm just confused because I've never had to deal with someone like this before.

 

Does infatuation last long?

 

it's not infatuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MOTOKO 10]

it's not infatuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Well what is it then??

[littlestar 10]

Well what is it then??

 

He is obsessed with you, and that is a scary thing.

It sounds as though you both don't want the same things.

If my boyfriend drove around at night looking for me everytime I go out with my friends I would be seriously worried!!

[RootsBooster 24]

Bin him, he sounds like a control freak!!

 

Agreed

 

Unless you're prepared to put up with years of obsessive behaviour and him 'freaking out' at the slightest excuse, then you need to tell him it's over.

 

Agreed

 

Get rid! Then prepare for the stalking phase.

 

Agreed

 

Thin end of the "stalker" wedge!

 

Agreed

[Mr Gobby 10]

Try 'HAPPY VALENTINES DAY' your dumped .That should do it.

[cressida 1,570]

run run and run

[alternageek 10]

So let me get this straight, you HAVE to be head over heels in love from day 1 of a relationship, and should both obsess over each other to the point where you have no life outside the relationship otherwise you should 'grow up'??? WTF

 

No, but its clear you want something more casual and he wants something more serious. You need to be honest with him, and yourself, that you both want different things from one another. Tell him gently and end it (though today might not be the best day to do it) because from what youre saying he cant handle that with you.

 

Edit: And yes, peoples feelings can change - especially when youre young - so theres nothing wrong with that. You may have wanted something serious to start with, but know now that its not whats right for YOU right now

[DenadaInnit 10]

I'm with the rest of the people on here. Run like the wind!

 

If you don't, I'm afraid that you will be sending out signals that his behaviour is acceptable which it obviously isn't. Then expect him to push you a bit more, he'll likely tell you that you don't need your family or friends and completely isolate you because of his insecurities. As for you hurting his feelings by giving him the red card, so what, he's brought it on himself.

 

My guess is that he's trying to make you feel 'special' with his over the top attention. Do some on-line research into domestic abuse and how it starts. Text book case I'm afraid.

 

Run like the wind. Might hurt for a couple of days but then you will breathe a sigh of relief.

Edited February 14, 2011 by DenadaInnit

[GrannyGranny 10]

Run Forest, Run.............

 

He doesn't sound mature enough to have an adult relationship.

 

It sounds more like the actions of a hormone raged love struck 12 year old school boy.

[Isabelle 10]

it's not infatuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

No, it seems like the first warning signs of his desire to control your life, probably due to his own insecurities. Maybe women have hurt him in the past, I think he needs to deal with his personal issues first before he can have a healthy relationship.

Unfortunately this does not seem like the kind of situation where you could remain friends if you do decide to split up. If you do leave him, I would advise you to sever all contact, change your phone number etc etc. I know it sounds bad, but its probably not a good idea to dump him face-to-face, write him a letter, email or text him, that way he won't have a chance to use emotional blackmail on you. I knew a girl whose boyfriend threatened to kill himself when she told him she was leaving. If he does say something like this, remember his behaviour is not your responsibility, don't feel like you are to blame for his actions, or feel pressured into staying with him just because its easier that way.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.