Dinosaur probs ..

[Alcoblog 10]

Ok ... so I made a mistake!

I was trying to retro-engineer a herd of Friesian cattle in the 'gene splicing' department of my burgeoning facility from DNA swabs taken from a Fray Bentos steak and kidney pie.

Unfortunately things got a bit out of hand ... I now have a velociraptor and a brontosaurus!

They're really beginning to annoy me now as they've finished off all the mince pies and a fair section of the back of the house (including en-suite)

The brontosaurus has scoffed all the mistletoe to boot!

The velociraptor is dribbling over my keyboard as I type!

I've installed a dinosaur flap in my back door which they seem reluctant to use.

How do I keep these creatures under control!

[Finbarr69 10]

I had the same problem last week!

Don't worry about it, it's only flu, get some antibiotics from your doctor and all will be well.

[spooky3 10]

Gimp suits and toys!

[melthebell 863]

Gimp suits and toys!

santa suits and boys

[spooky3 10]

santa suits and boys

 

What is your party like?

[Cavegirl 10]

I feel your pain Alcoblog...

 

Having a pet that's too large for your home can prove rather destructive and you have two!

 

I've done a little research for you and there are some excellent ways of dealing with pesky pets described online. Here are my top 5:

 

1. Build a giant rocket. Using the Nasa star guide you can determine the coordinates of the nearest large asteroid to earth, point your rocket towards it and aim it, rather like a pool or snooker shot, so that when it hits the asteroid it puts it on a new collision course with your home. Apparently asteroids are an excellent means of getting rid of unwanted dinosaur pets.

 

2. Dig a very, very deep well in your back garden and drop a large incediary device (a simple WMD should suffice) into it that is programmed to explode on impact. The resulting large earthquake should create the conditions necessary to generate a large tsunami wave that will collect your dinosaurs and deposit them several thousand miles from your home.

 

3. Using stem cells you could insert a new genetic code into your large reptilian friends. I would recommend taking cells from a pigeon. Pigeons have a homing instinct. If this is applied to your dinosaurs they will leave your home and make their way to the local Fray Bentos factory. A huge relief for you and a boost to the sales of Fray Bentos as they can simply recycle the meat into a new tasty pie.

 

4. Simply turn down the central heating in your home. As these reptilian menaces are cold blooded they will either a) become sluggish, which should enable you to call the RSPCA and have them sorted out humanely, or b) employ their walnut sized brains and figure out that your neighbours home is a far cosier place to be, thus making your creations 'somebody else's problem'.

 

5. Finally you could smarten the dinosaurs up, polish their scales, put bows around their heads and place each one in a seperate cardboard box that you then gaily decorate with all the leftover wrapping paper that one inevitably has lying around the house at this time of year. Everyone has the odd 'associate' that they've accidentally missed off their Christmas list. Simply load these 'gifts' in the back of your Arctic and do a little late santa visit. Your friends will never forget the gift you gave them this year.

 

Hope this helps...

[Raychul69 10]

Another 2 animals for the RSPCA to deal with

[pinner 10]

Another 2 animals for the RSPCA to deal with

Odd, that; the RSPCA, yet the NSPCC. Priorities?

[Raychul69 10]

Odd, that; the RSPCA, yet the NSPCC. Priorities?

 

Eh

[Alcoblog 10]

I feel your pain Alcoblog...

 

Having a pet that's too large for your home can prove rather destructive and you have two!

 

I've done a little research for you and there are some excellent ways of dealing with pesky pets described online. Here are my top 5:

 

1. Build a giant rocket. Using the Nasa star guide you can determine the coordinates of the nearest large asteroid to earth, point your rocket towards it and aim it, rather like a pool or snooker shot, so that when it hits the asteroid it puts it on a new collision course with your home. Apparently asteroids are an excellent means of getting rid of unwanted dinosaur pets.

 

2. Dig a very, very deep well in your back garden and drop a large incediary device (a simple WMD should suffice) into it that is programmed to explode on impact. The resulting large earthquake should create the conditions necessary to generate a large tsunami wave that will collect your dinosaurs and deposit them several thousand miles from your home.

 

3. Using stem cells you could insert a new genetic code into your large reptilian friends. I would recommend taking cells from a pigeon. Pigeons have a homing instinct. If this is applied to your dinosaurs they will leave your home and make their way to the local Fray Bentos factory. A huge relief for you and a boost to the sales of Fray Bentos as they can simply recycle the meat into a new tasty pie.

 

4. Simply turn down the central heating in your home. As these reptilian menaces are cold blooded they will either a) become sluggish, which should enable you to call the RSPCA and have them sorted out humanely, or b) employ their walnut sized brains and figure out that your neighbours home is a far cosier place to be, thus making your creations 'somebody else's problem'.

 

5. Finally you could smarten the dinosaurs up, polish their scales, put bows around their heads and place each one in a seperate cardboard box that you then gaily decorate with all the leftover wrapping paper that one inevitably has lying around the house at this time of year. Everyone has the odd 'associate' that they've accidentally missed off their Christmas list. Simply load these 'gifts' in the back of your Arctic and do a little late santa visit. Your friends will never forget the gift you gave them this year.

 

Hope this helps...

Absolutely top advice there cavegirl !

The dinosaurs are virtually moribund at the mo due to their aversion to 'after eight mints' They seem to have gone into anaphylactic shock.

I do however have a couple of handy WMD's if they get frisky.

My computers are currently working on their mitochondrial DNA to turn them back into pies in a worst case scenario.

I don't need rockets as i have a perfectly functional UFO (could do with a good wash though) ... Don't tell NASA about it as their JET (joint european tyrannosaur) project is a bit on the rocks ... nothing to do with me ... honest!

[RootsBooster 24]

There must be a moral here somewhere...

 

Mutants are for life, not just for christmas

 

or something

[mort 10]

Do they need walking? Would they be likely to start a small war with the cats over possession of the radiator? How veloci are we talking here, quite agile, nippy, turbo charged?