My heart is broken!

[purple.sarah 10]

Oh and I just wanted to say thank you so much for talking openly about your feelings, it's helped me realise that feelings I had, like being panicky in busy places after my miscarriage, are really normal because other people go through them too. I wish no one had to though!

[Fooman 10]

I was so angry when I went to the docs shortly afterwards the doctor was saying the "foetus" had gone and it was "only a bunch of cells" - I just wanted to scream that IT WAS MY BABY and not something medical from a text book.

 

We went away for a few days to get away from the "norm" whatever that might be right now. It certainly helped us and cleared our heads and made us a lot stronger to come back and deal with life again. Any chance you could get away from it all for a few days?

[Zebra 10]

Thinking of you.

[wondertec 10]

Thanks guys.... feeling a bit down today, the phonecalls have stopped, no-one has sent a text, it's like no nobody cares anymore....i know life goes on and people have their own lives but i feel very sad and alone today....Monday is drawing ever nearer and i turning over in my mind what they will say....

[ladyB 10]

I have not lost a child however I did suffer from bad depression and I could never understand why life carried on when mine had come to a total stop. I was just trying to get through every minute of the day and other people were milling about getting on wih life, how could they do it. it was like being cast in a horror film. one minute I could feel slightly normal and then out of the blue it was like living in a nightmare, not real, i was someone else.

 

The supermarket was a nightmare for me. To much noise, to many people, sooo much to take in. I did have what I call my beans or spaggetti day!!! I would stand in the aisle unable to make any kind of decision, should I buy beans or spaggetti!! could I have both, should I just pick one, but which one!! I would be stood staring at nothing for what seemed like forever.

 

I cannot image what you are going through but all I can say is try to keep srong, allow yourself to be angry, allow yourself to cry, scream if you want, swear if you want and just try to let it all out!!! you are greiving and that is a long and painful process, but that's what it is , a process. There is an end to it but it will be hard and sometimes feel like it's going on forever but one day you will find the pain bearable to live with.

 

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. x x x x xx

[dirend 10]

Been thinking about you lots since reading your first post, only just had chance to reply - I know what your going through as I lost 2 babies last year.

It is a truly terrible thing to go through but your doing the right thing in talking about it - something I didn't do enough of at the time and this I think made it harder for me to get through.

 

I would suggest as Fooman has said and try to get away for a few days with your other half, sometimes it helps to have a change of scenery - it certainly helped in my case.

 

I know what you mean about things moving on, at first everyone says they're there for you but then they get on with their lives when you feel like you can't move on with yours. I found also that some people started to seem a little awkward around me but that could just have been me being extra sensitive.

 

Anyway just wanted to send my love and on a positive note this shows you can get pregnant so when your ready try again, you'll never forget this baby but things will get easier - i've just had a successful pregnancy and now have a baby girl - something I never thought would happen.

 

Diane xxx

[OOmpa 10]

Thanks guys.... feeling a bit down today, the phonecalls have stopped, no-one has sent a text, it's like no nobody cares anymore....i know life goes on and people have their own lives but i feel very sad and alone today....Monday is drawing ever nearer and i turning over in my mind what they will say....

 

Don't think that no one cares because they haven't texted/phoned you, many people don't know what to say in your situation and are worried about upsetting you even more, I'm sure they are all thinking of you. I send my best wishes to you at this difficult time.

[wondertec 10]

OOmpa, i know they don't and that's kind of one of the reasons i don't really want to see people or go back to work, i know that i'm sad and am probably going to cry at some point during the day and the last thing i want to do is make anyone uncomfortable, that would be awful....i'm not sure how the girls at work will handle it, or me for that matter, i gues we just had to play it by ear....i think i'll get the manager to talk to them before my return and tell them that i will cry and that i may or maynot want to talk about what's happened and all i want is for them to be there and give a hug or space if i need it....does that sound fair??

[Fooman 10]

OOmpa, i know they don't and that's kind of one of the reasons i don't really want to see people or go back to work, i know that i'm sad and am probably going to cry at some point during the day and the last thing i want to do is make anyone uncomfortable, that would be awful....i'm not sure how the girls at work will handle it, or me for that matter, i gues we just had to play it by ear....i think i'll get the manager to talk to them before my return and tell them that i will cry and that i may or maynot want to talk about what's happened and all i want is for them to be there and give a hug or space if i need it....does that sound fair??

 

I went in the day after mine happened as we had a big open day coming up and I needed to hand it over for someone else to deal with (doctor suggested I took a week off with the miscarriage). Spoke to one of the Directors at my place and a close friend and asked them to let everyone know what happened so I didn't have to deal with "where have you been" "whats been the matter" and all that and it was much better going back knowing everyone else knew. I also felt easier when I just suddenly burst into tears knowing people knew why.

 

Some people talked to me about it some ignored it - didn't matter either way to me.

Edited November 22, 2010 by Fooman

[wondertec 10]

Well, i don't feel as down as i did yesterday, although the OH is working tonight so to say i'm not looking forward to spending the night on my own is a bit of an understatement!! I 've received 2 lovely cards in the post this morning, one from family, one from a friend.

 

I was dreading the OH bringing it up....he's asked if i'm going back to work after my scan on monday, i said it depends what they tell me, i don't want to go back if i have to go in the next day for a d&c....he said

'i think you should',

i said 'don't push me into it',

'but we've got bills that still need to be paid,

'i know that but i want to see what they say monday first'...he sighed and walked off....i can see this is going to cause some tension.

 

What do i do??

[lyndix 10]

Well, i don't feel as down as i did yesterday, although the OH is working tonight so to say i'm not looking forward to spending the night on my own is a bit of an understatement!! I 've received 2 lovely cards in the post this morning, one from family, one from a friend.

 

I was dreading the OH bringing it up....he's asked if i'm going back to work after my scan on monday, i said it depends what they tell me, i don't want to go back if i have to go in the next day for a d&c....he said

'i think you should',

i said 'don't push me into it',

'but we've got bills that still need to be paid,

'i know that but i want to see what they say monday first'...he sighed and walked off....i can see this is going to cause some tension.

 

What do i do??

take things one step at a time. Don`t go back until you are ready,and only you will know when that is.

We all handle things like this in different ways, your OH`s way is to try and be as `normal` as possible and he`s presuming because its right for him that it`ll work for you.

You may also find that it may all hit him at a later date. this happened with my partner, because he was trying to be strong for me(I didn`t handle it too well) he didn`t grieve properly and it all hit him much later.

just do things when you are ready and try not to get angry at your mr, you need to help eachother through this. xx

[Rivelin6 11]

Well, i don't feel as down as i did yesterday, although the OH is working tonight so to say i'm not looking forward to spending the night on my own is a bit of an understatement!! I 've received 2 lovely cards in the post this morning, one from family, one from a friend.

 

I was dreading the OH bringing it up....he's asked if i'm going back to work after my scan on monday, i said it depends what they tell me, i don't want to go back if i have to go in the next day for a d&c....he said

'i think you should',

i said 'don't push me into it',

'but we've got bills that still need to be paid,

'i know that but i want to see what they say monday first'...he sighed and walked off....i can see this is going to cause some tension.

 

What do i do??

 

Your health and well being are more important at this time. I would seriously persuade your OH to take some time off. I remember my ex husband throwing himself into work after my still birth because his boss thought that was the best solution. She'd suffered 4 miscarriages herself. However in the end the lack of his support around our loss was the ultimate thing that split us up. Money is secondary to what you are going through and I'm sure family and friends will help out at this sad time. I used to help run a miscarriage group at Jessop Hospital and have experience a number of pregnancy losses myself so I have a vast amount of information and knowledge about these matters. If you want to send me your email address via pm then I can pass some of them on to you. xx

P.S. This might help

http://www.tcf.org.uk/leaflets/lebaby.html

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Brochures

/stillbirth_miscarriage_and_infant_death.aspx

Edited November 20, 2010 by Rivelin6