Affairs - do you tell?

[outofmymind 10]

Okay so i am pretty certain one of my parents is seeing someone else, they are acting pretty secretive and been hanging out with a woman friend.

 

Question is if you were me would you tell your other parent?

[bullerboY 10]

keep your nose out it could cause untold misery for every one,they are old enough to make their own mistakes.

[Winder 10]

Hell no, keep your nose out.

 

Neither of them will thank you for being the bearer of bad news.

 

If you have to intervene then have a quiet word with the parent who you suspect of having an affair, if they admit to it then it is up to them how they handle it.

 

And don't become an alibi for their shenanigans, keep well away.

[Babooshka 10]

NO. Firstly, you do not know if you are correct in your thinking, and secondly, if you are, there may be reasons why this is happening. Not everything is black and white, and whilst you may be right about this, there may be lots of other issues going on about which you don't know, and which has prompted this to happen. If you HAVE to say something at all, I agree with Winder.

[nerd 10]

Okay so i am pretty certain one of my parents is seeing someone else, they are acting pretty secretive and been hanging out with a woman friend.

 

Question is if you were me would you tell your other parent?

 

No, first I would talk to the parent you suspect of having the affair. You may be mistaken and if you went straight to the other parent could cause problems. If they ARE having an affair I would encourage them to sort themselves out, either quite the affair or the marriage and stop hurting people. Also point out to them, if your suspicions are correct that if you have notced others will have too

[notbusy 10]

Rock and a hard place springs to mind. Its hard because its your parents but i dont think either one would thank you for saying anything. Stay out of it and try to stay neutral.

[Noob 10]

Confront it head-on, and demand answers. Even if it gets physical.

[Forumosaurus 10]

Okay so i am pretty certain one of my parents is seeing someone else, they are acting pretty secretive and been hanging out with a woman friend.

 

Question is if you were me would you tell your other parent?

 

Course you do.

[Agent Orange 11]

The answer is no. You will be damned if you, damned if you don't! I would recommend confronting the parent and raising your concerns. It could be anything so best to get your facts right first!

[Jason Bourne 11]

I would recommend confronting the parent and raising your concerns.

 

Agreed, tactfully of course. And I am the Master of Subtlety:

 

How about: "Hi, Mum / Dad, I saw you in town with <name> yesterday, how is <name> these days? They're looking well, aren't they?"

 

Start from there, and see how it develops.

 

DO NOT do this: "Mum / Dad, What the Hell were you doing with <name>, you filthy monster?"

 

x x

[medusa 16]

If it was someone who was a little further away than your close family then my advice would be to leave the situation alone and let both parties work it out, but it's not anything like as easy when it's your close family that is going to be affected by this.

 

I think in your position I would put the feelings of the 'wronged' party first and try to decide whether they would want to know or whether they would prefer to be ignorant of the affair even if you could prove that it is happening? Once they know then they can never 'unknow' it so you have to be aware that once you tell them it will be life changing.

 

It's easy to judge both parties for their choices taken in life (one for cheating and the other for allowing it) but it's their life and neither are answerable to you, so if the wronged party is the sort of person who would rather not know and just get on with things then I think that is an answer to what you must do with your feelings. If, on the other hand the wronged person would rather know and would change their life because of it then that's helpful for you to know too.

 

All of this is irrelevant to how you treat the one who is having the affair of course. You can choose to tell them that you know even if you decide not to tell your other parent.

[bullerboY 10]

keep your nose out BELIEVE me and the messenger ALWAYS gets shot!