Are dads needed or are they an optional extra?

[katy1981 10]

my cousin has just walked out on her partner (who is a good freind of mine) and their 5 children (all under 10)

 

she said she was goin to the shops and didnt come back we were all a bit worried about her, then within a few hours we heard she had been to mates house with a man asking if they could stop there

 

then a couple of days later we learn that she has shacked up with this bloke and hasnt spoken to her children or made any arrangements regarding them. she brought her "new bloke" to the house to collect her stuff and never spoke to her kids.

 

now the father of the kids has been to the solicators and got some tempory thing to stop her just turning up and taking them. (not that she would though)

 

they told him they would contact her regarding the court procedure for custody and arranging for to spend some time with the kids etc etc, but she wont anwser the phone or the letters.

 

i think the father will do an excellent job bringing up these kids on his own and im really proud of him for stepping up and doin the right thing.

 

im hoping the court process will be simple for him and the kids as she doesnt seem to care so it may be.

[stackrock 10]

so if dads are needed why dont they get the same rights?

[lubylou 10]

if your first point is true, and i think it is, why do fathers has less legal and social status than mothers?

 

your second point is also true, however why are all fathers punished for the actions of some men/fathers?

 

My first point is true, because my kids have said so, they have said they want there dad in there lifes up until now, when he hasnt been bothered and my son, who is 16 isnt bothered either way now, he has said, if his dad doesnt want to be his dad then so be it, its his loss. As for why a lot of dads get tarred with the same brush, i can only assume, its because there is a lot more dads than mums who are like this?

[katy1981 10]

so if dads are needed why dont they get the same rights?

 

no idea, i personally think its stupid that they dont tbh.

 

weve just had to see a solicator as my son was born before a certain year meant he had no parental right over our son but he has over our daughter who is only 2. apparently they changed the law or something so that after a certain year any kids born after that year both parents had it and not just the mother, i belive it also had something to do with us not being married at the time also.

[Ms Macbeth 73]

There are plenty of families where both parents have equal responsibility and rights. But that means both of them putting the children first, before their own arguments and bitterness. It takes a certain level of maturity (and dare I suggest intelligence?) to behave like that, but if all parents who split took that attitude, then the children wouldn't suffer like they often do.

 

Unfortunately far too many people have children without considering the responsibilities - having a child is for life! And whilst two good parents working together to bring up their children is the ideal, one responsible single mum or dad is worth 10 of the other kind. There are many successful adults who are the product of a single parent home. And unfortunately, many others who are the product of the type of families who regularly appear on the Jeremy Kyle show.

 

I wish sex education could be replaced by teaching kids about maintaining decent relationships and how to be responsible parents.

Edited September 12, 2010 by Ms Macbeth

[Cozmo 10]

Of course men/dads are not redundant, a father figure, ie a positive male role model is something that any child could benefit from.

 

I just hope this thread doesnt fall into a man-hating one as its all too easy to blame Dads etc, I worked in services for a period of time with families, and I have seen some females who have shocking parental skills, trully awful, equally I have seen many men of a similar disposition.

 

The obvious thing to remember is that a child needs and benefits from stability, consistency and love..(not simply the smothering love of an over-bearing parent either!!) If this comes from one parent then so be it, I am off the opinion that a balanced relationship between two people is a good thing for a child to see and be part of during his or her formative years.

 

I do tend to feel a bit sorry for a lot of Dads who have really had a hard time of it when splitting with ex partners and trying to access children, the state is still of the out-dated opinion that children should be in the company of their mothers if a relationshiop breaks down.

[kimba 10]

Optional extra

Cause my other half drives me mad haha,Growing up though i loved having my dad around

[stackrock 10]

Of course men/dads are not redundant, a father figure, ie a positive male role model is something that any child could benefit from.

 

I just hope this thread doesnt fall into a man-hating one as its all too easy to blame Dads etc, I worked in services for a period of time with families, and I have seen some females who have shocking parental skills, trully awful, equally I have seen many men of a similar disposition.

 

The obvious thing to remember is that a child needs and benefits from stability, consistency and love..(not simply the smothering love of an over-bearing parent either!!) If this comes from one parent then so be it, I am off the opinion that a balanced relationship between two people is a good thing for a child to see and be part of during his or her formative years.

 

I do tend to feel a bit sorry for a lot of Dads who have really had a hard time of it when splitting with ex partners and trying to access children, the state is still of the out-dated opinion that children should be in the company of their mothers if a relationshiop breaks down.

 

well put and written

[Loubbe 10]

I fully agree. A father figure is key in a child's development, the fact that the men who father children don't wish to be part of their child's upbringing is their loss and a disservice to their child.

 

I'll get flamed to Hell for this but I'm of the firm opinion that one person raising a child is second best to a balanced partnership raising them. The kid needs that interaction, guidance, stability & grounding to have a reasonable upbringing.

 

 

I agree. Two people bringing children up s surely better than one. I am the primary carer, however will admit sometimes my judgement is skewed and I don't always handle things the best way... my husband can see things from a different perspective. And sometimes this works vice versa. Doing the right thing by your children, all the time, is very difficult, and two heads are definately better than one. I certainly am glad I'm not alone

[andrejuan 10]

do dads matter?

are dads needed?

or are we really an optional extra?

im talking in general, everyone can cite bad dads bad mums. im talking overall. given 50% of dads at best get 2 days out of 14, are we just sitters? or are we needed? or are we to often totally ignored as an essential part of our childrens lifes?

 

 

hey, this is not about race or religion, just a fathers role in his kids lifes.

 

Rhetorical........... yes I think so.

[MrMondo 10]

I grew up without a dad. He was in & out of my life while I was really young. As I grew older I didn't see him for a long time. I think not having a dad has affected me in a big way. I'm just really greatful for my step dad who came along when I was about 9yrs old.

Because I didn't have a dad & my mum had to work I was brought up by my grandma.

I've just become a dad & I don't know how anhyone can walk out on a child.

[SatanInHeels 10]

absolutely needed! I don't see much of my dad and never have but he is always there and i've always known that. My step dad (well, sort of) has been a constant from a pretty young age so got both i guess

 

....my daughter spends nearly every weekend with her dad, only 2 days out of 7 but as she is at school all week he spends much more quality time with her than i do...

 

....not the best scenario for me but at the same time... a dad is important and they have a fantastic relationship, be it not for me to control and i would never dream of trying to use that in any way, saying he couldn't see her etc.

 

...saying that... not all dads deserve the right to the pleasure of their children, but that also goes for mums