What's happened to the male sex drive?!

[limpetboy 10]

Originally posted by intooblivion

If the sex is good it equates to only 10% of the relationship. If it is not adequate it becomes 90% of the relationship. A balance is needed from both sides but constant rejection because someones sex drive is higher is harsh and can lower self esteem

 

Contstant pressure from someone for sex can have exactly the same effect on a person with a lower sex drive than their partner - feelings of inadequacy stemming from the fact that you clearly consider that they aren't up to the task.

 

Perhaps if you weren't pressuring your partner for sex they would be more receptive to striking the balance that you and t020 speak of.

 

And most importantly sex is not the be all and end all in a solid relationship. Never has been, never will be. If you define your relationships by the number of times in a given timeframe your partner wants sex then I would respectfully suggest that you are somewhat missing the point.

[the_rudeboy 12]

Originally posted by intooblivion

It really isn't that hard! We're not as complicated as men like to think we are.

 

 

Now i know this thread is a wind up.

[skny 10]

A compromise is the only solution really...how hard is it to put out once or twice more a week when youre just not "in the mood"? Take what, an hour of your time? Not a huge sacrifice. Anyway, if you are with "the one" I honestly think you should be shagging more than once a week anyway!

[limpetboy 10]

Originally posted by skny

A compromise is the only solution really...how hard is it to put out once or twice more a week when youre just not "in the mood"? Take what, an hour of your time? Not a huge sacrifice. Anyway, if you are with "the one" I honestly think you should be shagging more than once a week anyway!

 

 

lolol you make it sound like taking turns to do the dishes

[t020 11]

Originally posted by banesmabes

Well yes, as I suggested earlier, if it is really that important that you get your leg over as much as possible but your partner isn't willing then maybe you need a new partner. Even a compromise has it's down sides - first of all it's hardly romantic - "right, so you want it every night, I only want it once a week, so how about we go for Mons, Weds, and Sats?", and then the arguments start when the compromise isn't met in any particular week.

 

I find that very romantic.

 

 

Originally posted by banesmabes

If you have a partner who wants to have sex with you, but not as often as you'd like, then just learn to live with it - it won't kill you.

 

But conversely, if you have a partner who wants to have sex with you but more often than you'd like, then just learn to live with it and think of England - it won't kill you.

[banesmabes 10]

Originally posted by skny

A compromise is the only solution really...how hard is it to put out once or twice more a week when youre just not "in the mood"? Take what, an hour of your time? Not a huge sacrifice. Anyway, if you are with "the one" I honestly think you should be shagging more than once a week anyway!

 

But in response how hard is it to abstain a bit more often? What's so wrong with accepting that sex is only a small part of a relationship? Why should someone feel obliged to do something they don't want? Why do we have this assumption that just because you are in a relationship you should be shagging all the time? If you are, as you say, with 'the one', then you're relationship is about so much more than sex. Why is it assumed that there is something wrong with someone if they don't want sex all the time? Just because we have it shoved in our faces by the media all day every day doesn't mean that everyone wants or should be having sex all the time. Why the hell would you sacrifice a perfectly good relationship just because you're only getting laid once a week and you'd prefer more often? It just all seems so shallow. Sex means nothing at the end of the day if you don't have love and respect for each other. How can you respect a partner who pressurises you into having sex? Society today places far too much importance on sex. It's not what's important at the end of the day.

[t020 11]

Originally posted by banesmabes

But in response how hard is it to abstain a bit more often? What's so wrong with accepting that sex is only a small part of a relationship? Why should someone feel obliged to do something they don't want? Why do we have this assumption that just because you are in a relationship you should be shagging all the time? If you are, as you say, with 'the one', then you're relationship is about so much more than sex. Why is it assumed that there is something wrong with someone if they don't want sex all the time? Just because we have it shoved in our faces by the media all day every day doesn't mean that everyone wants or should be having sex all the time. Why the hell would you sacrifice a perfectly good relationship just because you're only getting laid once a week and you'd prefer more often? It just all seems so shallow. Sex means nothing at the end of the day if you don't have love and respect for each other. How can you respect a partner who pressurises you into having sex? Society today places far too much importance on sex. It's not what's important at the end of the day.

 

It cuts both ways though and that's what you seem to be overlooking.

[limpetboy 10]

Originally posted by banesmabes

But in response how hard is it to abstain a bit more often? What's so wrong with accepting that sex is only a small part of a relationship? Why should someone feel obliged to do something they don't want? Why do we have this assumption that just because you are in a relationship you should be shagging all the time? If you are, as you say, with 'the one', then you're relationship is about so much more than sex. Why is it assumed that there is something wrong with someone if they don't want sex all the time? Just because we have it shoved in our faces by the media all day every day doesn't mean that everyone wants or should be having sex all the time. Why the hell would you sacrifice a perfectly good relationship just because you're only getting laid once a week and you'd prefer more often? It just all seems so shallow. Sex means nothing at the end of the day if you don't have love and respect for each other. How can you respect a partner who pressurises you into having sex? Society today places far too much importance on sex. It's not what's important at the end of the day.

 

Well said

[banesmabes 10]

Originally posted by t020

I find that very romantic.

 

 

 

 

But conversely, if you have a partner who wants to have sex with you but more often than you'd like, then just learn to live with it and think of England - it won't kill you.

 

No, it won't kill you. But it may make you feel used, as is your partner has no respect for your wishes, as if your partner is just using your body for their own personal gratification, as if your partner has no respect for what YOU want to do with YOUR body. Sex can be very emotionally damaging if you do not really want to be doing it. I never heard of anyone being emotionally scarred because their partner will only allow them to have sex once a week rather than as often as they'd like.

[skny 10]

I agree, there shouldnt be pressure to put out on demand. But once a week....!! If you are committed to someone, that means compromise, but being with someone you are mentally and physically *ideal* for should mean more than 4 shags a month. If one reins in a bit, and the other tries a bit harder, wouldnt that be an ideal compromise?

[banesmabes 10]

Originally posted by t020

It cuts both ways though and that's what you seem to be overlooking.

 

And what you seem to be overlooking is the major difference between a person having to perform a very intimate act because they feel pressurised and someone just having to abstain for a few days. They are two very different things. It is A LOT of ask someone to have sex when they don't really want to - it is not much to ask someone not to have sex when they really want to.

[t020 11]

Originally posted by banesmabes

No, it won't kill you. But it may make you feel used, as is your partner has no respect for your wishes, as if your partner is just using your body for their own personal gratification, as if your partner has no respect for what YOU want to do with YOUR body. Sex can be very emotionally damaging if you do not really want to be doing it. I never heard of anyone being emotionally scarred because their partner will only allow them to have sex once a week rather than as often as they'd like.

 

They might feel rejected and their confidence could become battered with continual knock backs. It's as if the partner has no respect for what the other partner wants to do with their body!