As useful as..funnies'joke needed

[nojwan 10]

Come then

 

getting married next saturday and finishing me speech off. i gotta get a cheap shot in my speech before the best man rips me to pieces in his.

 

I need a "about as useful as" line to smack him down with.

 

The front runner so far is as useful as Tits on a snake or mint-flavored suppository

[alex3659 11]

Ash tray on a motorbike.

[dazaston 10]

Handbrake on a canoe

[daftlad 11]

a fart in a lift

a chocolate fireguard

 

 

or you could say he does the work of two men.................laurel and hardy

[alex3659 11]

Chocolate fire guard.

[Jabberwocky 46]

A dog sh*t shoe-horn

[Northrend 10]

Tits on a fish...

[1960boy 10]

A chocolate chisel.

[YouFo666 10]

Bacon in Baghdad !

[Goon 10]

A concrete parachute.

 

Tits on Tarzan.

 

A prick in a nunnery.

[Plain Talker 11]

a fart in a lift

a chocolate fireguard

 

 

or you could say he does the work of two men.................laurel and hardy

 

a fart in a colander...?

 

Chocolate kettle?

 

I say "Does the work of three men...Larry, Curly and Moe!"

 

I say "about as much use as a pork pie in a mosque". (which I suppose is a litthe irreverent)

[Plain Talker 11]

when I describe my idiot sister-in-law, I say "She makes two short planks look like an astrophysicist...!"