A dilemma with the opposite sex - GENUINE advice welcome.

[Jamie 10]

Originally posted by 2c4s

Failure is the only way we improve ourseleves...

 

There is no such thing as failure ... only the gaining of experience.

 

(but great post all the same).

[slimsid2000 10]

Last night was the first night I saw her again and as I expected she still doesn't like me. Although she didn't say anything she studiously avoided speaking to me all night and wouldn't even look at me.

 

I really don't want two months like that, so I am comming round to the idea that the best thing is to have a quiet word with her and ask her why she doesn't like me. I don't really know what good it will do (if any) but at least it gives her the chance to say what the problem is.

 

What do people think is the best way to do this. I don't want a row with her or anything and would like to be as diplomatic as possible.

 

As a last resort I could always pull out but to do that would effectively mean i would never be cast in anything again as to pull out when you have already been cast (except for illness) is deeply frowned upon and no producer would ever trust me in the future. This really is a last resort and something I would like to avaoid if at all possible.

[Greenback 10]

Nah, don't do that. It'll probably make things worse. I'm not sure why it bothers you so much, but if you're just open and friendly to everyone else I'm sure she'll eventually get the message that you're a decent bloke. Best thing to do is not make an issue out of it by concentrating on her so much.

[Macca 10]

Originally posted by slimsid2000

Last night was the first night I saw her again and as I expected she still doesn't like me. Although she didn't say anything she studiously avoided speaking to me all night and wouldn't even look at me.

 

I really don't want two months like that, so I am comming round to the idea that the best thing is to have a quiet word with her and ask her why she doesn't like me. I don't really know what good it will do (if any) but at least it gives her the chance to say what the problem is.

 

What do people think is the best way to do this. I don't want a row with her or anything and would like to be as diplomatic as possible.

 

As a last resort I could always pull out but to do that would effectively mean i would never be cast in anything again as to pull out when you have already been cast (except for illness) is deeply frowned upon and no producer would ever trust me in the future. This really is a last resort and something I would like to avaoid if at all possible.

 

Right.

 

Firstly, I hope no-one else responds and this doesn't go off on a tagent again.

 

Approach her, but not when you are alone. Make sure there are other people who are around to see that you are acting in a proper manner. They needn't hear you talk, they just need to be able to see what is going on.

 

Also, don't approach her when she is with other people. Only approach her when you know you will be able to talk (her temprement allowing).

 

You may have to bide your time until an opportunity presents itself, but it is for the best.

 

And whatever hapens or is said, remain composed. If it turns out she doesn't like you, react like an adult, do not leave the production.

 

[Macca 10]

Uh-oh, conflicting opinions!!

 

Toss a coin Sid.

[Saifa 10]

Just ignore her back. I presume there are plenty of other people to talk to at the place yeah? So 1 of em doesn't like you? It aint the end of the world bub and on NO ACCOUNT should you pull out of doing something you enjoy just because of this.

 

Have you got many scenes together or owt? Might be a bit mroe difficult if that is the case.

[Cyclone 10]

just accept that she doesn't like you, do you go through life expecting everyone to like you?

 

Originally posted by slimsid2000

Last night was the first night I saw her again and as I expected she still doesn't like me. Although she didn't say anything she studiously avoided speaking to me all night and wouldn't even look at me.

 

I really don't want two months like that, so I am comming round to the idea that the best thing is to have a quiet word with her and ask her why she doesn't like me. I don't really know what good it will do (if any) but at least it gives her the chance to say what the problem is.

 

What do people think is the best way to do this. I don't want a row with her or anything and would like to be as diplomatic as possible.

 

As a last resort I could always pull out but to do that would effectively mean i would never be cast in anything again as to pull out when you have already been cast (except for illness) is deeply frowned upon and no producer would ever trust me in the future. This really is a last resort and something I would like to avaoid if at all possible.

[slimsid2000 10]

To be honest this is not the first time a girl there has not liked me. There have been quite a few others over the years and also she is not the only one at present (though she seems more against me than some others). I suppose it just gets you down when this sort of thing keeps happening.

 

I think the advice of lincam is good. I will try to talk to her when she is not with other people but still in sight of them.

 

What do people think is the best way to phrase it - is it best to just ask her stright out if she doesn't like me or if I have done something to upset her?

[SupraSteve 10]

I suggest explaining the basic facts to a suitible mediator anf taking them with you for this discussion (e.g. the production manager, as presumably you both know them and they are in a position of authority). That way the discussion will have to be fair and they could even suggest a solution, one that both of you will be more likely to accept and is more likely to be equally fair for each party.

 

And their presence means it can't get out of hand - even 'in sight' of other people that could happen quite easily.

 

Hiding away from it and worrying all the time won't do you any favours, tackle the problem but do it sensibly.

 

Best of luck!

[Macca 10]

Originally posted by SupraSteve

And their presence means it can't get out of hand - even 'in sight' of other people that could happen quite easily.

 

My suggestion was more to do with any complaints the girl might raise after Sid has spoken to her. I don't for one minute expect it to get out of hand!!

 

If I remember rightly there is a fair age gap between the two, with her being quite young.

[Sidla 10]

Why care if someone doesn't like you? Does it bother you so much if a male doesn't like you? I would just ignore her back. If she doesn't like you, it's her problem, not yours.

[Floe 10]

I have just read all eleven pages of this thread and am new to the problem.

The Forum are really doing their level best on this one!

Are other members of the drama group aware of any bad vibes?

There must be some whose company you enjoy and who make the event worthwhile for you?

You clearly have some talent or you would not be cast each year.

My advice would be to speak to one of the older, more established members of the group. Someone who knows you for who you are and this girl and the effect she has on people.

The ideal would be for them to suggest to the company as a whole that everyone should work in a friendly way together.

The producer would feel that a happy company would give its best.

Or am I being too idealistic?