Armitage Shanks

[Sir_Nigel 10]

I’m expressing my thanks

to Armitage Shanks

Standing there a-gleaming in serried white ranks

 

What would we do

in a world without you

Do it out the window? with a warning Halloo?

 

‘Sorry Mrs Ware,

didn’t see you there

You’ll find a good conditioner should get it out your hair.’

 

But we can be discreet

thanks to Armitage’s feat

No need to thrust your bottom out and do it in the street

 

The world we now see

is mercifully free

of bottoms looming overhead for everyone to see.

 

It’s wonderful to know

there are places you can Go

No cries of ‘Mind the Carpet there’ or ‘Look Out Down Below’

 

No-one has a cause

to lean from upper floors

and squirt a neighbour’s Scottie dog to thunderous applause

 

or to choose a quiet lot

to fertilize a spot

Or tiptoe down an alleyway for a surreptitious squat.

 

And rare now is the soul

who has to dig a hole

so raise a glass to Armitage’s porcelain bowl.

[Ron Blanco 10]

Hilarious!

[Mantaspook 14]

I agree with Ron, very funny.

 

Theoretically the best setting for this poem would be the back of cubicle door, but let's not go there…

 

I'm sure I've read somewhere that Stephen King used to collect examples of washroom graffiti, he used it in one of his stories about a salesman that contemplates committing suicide.

 

EDIT: Just remembered, the story was called All that you love will be carried away.

Edited March 13, 2010 by Mantaspook
Added a bit.

[Tallyman 10]

Nice poem, Sir Nigel. It's cheered me up on a long Friday afternoon!

[shoeshine 10]

That's put a smile on my face for this weekend too, Sir_Nigel.

[Sir_Nigel 10]

Thankyou. Glad this brought some light relief.

[vwkittie 10]

I've just randomly come across this and had to say, brilliant! Very funny