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Nah then folks, during the 60s..

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Mine was a packet of 5 Park Drive tipped (wimp) well i was only 12, 10d from the machine on the wall outside Giles grocers on Selig parade near the Arra. It was many years later before i realised that Selig was simply Giles backwards. Imagine a fag machine on the OUTSIDE wall of a shop these days......give it ten minutes???........


---------- Post added 30-03-2018 at 18:59 ----------


Ahhh......Paternoster lifts, hours of fun as a kid in the uni building, racing each a mate from the lift to the wall opposite and back into the lift...hopefully non-decapitated.....

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1. The smaller of the Marty Feldman pics in Part 2, is from early ‘70s. The occasion is the opening of Dave Webb’s (Chelsea footballer) new hairdressing salon. The pic people: L/R. Charlie Cooke, Dave Webb, Peter Osgood, Marty Feldman, Marvin Hinton and Tommy Baldwin. Now you know.




2. At the time of this ‘Doctor’ Zakes story I was 13. I smoked the occasional 5 packs of fags…Parkie’s Plain or Woodbine. They were all I could afford from my pocket (spending) money. My matches were books of matches. I used to hide my smoking paraphernalia under the dustbin outside our house. I did this because if mi Mum smelled fag smoke, she’d search me. When I started to work at 15, I was then able to afford 10 packs. In the summer of 1972 I changed my brand to the creamy tasting Players Weight. These I purchased at Sylvesters, on Surrey strut. You know now.






'Doctor' Zakes 1967 Part 3 of 3


'Doctor' Zakes had arisen earlier than he usually did. Having stretched as a cat would to limber up, he went into the bathroom for a tiddle, and a quick cat-lick. In the kitchen, he ate a continental breakfast of Danish bacon, Italian tomatoes, German sausage, Austri(ch)-an eggs, Spanish onions and French fried bread. To keep up his fitness levels, “doctor’ Zakes then dashed off to the local C.B.C. Bowling Alley, on Birley Moor Road. After 10 minutes of bowling, he realised his luck was in, when he achieved a Lucky Strike. You now know.


On his way to work at the tented surgery, ‘Doctor’ Zakes noted the fine weather had suddenly changed to unfine weather. On arrival at Birley Moor Crescent, he looked up to sky to see the Passing Clouds, passing by, in the direction of Dykes Hall Road. Now you know.


The practiced praxis of ‘Doctor’ Zakes had become very popular. Many more patients, from many areas of Sheffield, were now flocking to him, to be treated to treatment. Word had gotten around that he was friendly, amenable, and as efficient as Swiss time. His patients of schooling age absolutely adored him, because they knew for the price of a comic and 10 fags, he would write, then sign a sick-note, to exempt them from attending their scholastical institutions for a full week.


Every Friday and Saturday, there was a long, long queue of ailing patients, queueing at the tented surgery, to be treated by the whiz-bang of a whiz-kid ‘Doctor’. On one particular Saturday, there was a queue that stretched all the way from Birley Moor Crescent, down to past the Travellers Rest (Tetley) pub on City Rooad. Dad Zakes often imbibed at this pub, with its bowling green, and its full-sized snooker table. Due to the artificial light constantly shining down onto the snooker table, the baize green cloth never looked at green, as the green, of the bowling green.




Due to the popularity of ‘Doctor’ Zakes’s tented surgery, many patients had now deserted their own physical physicians of long standing. This put the surgeries of those Doctors in peril of closure.


Some of the endangered surgeries are:



Drs. Banner and ‘Killedair’ - Drakehouse Lane



Drs. Lambie and Blindt – Occupation Lane



Drs. Mathews, Porteous, Smith and Whitaker - White Lane



Drs. White and Garmaj - Wragg Lane



Drs. O’Donovan, Sugden and Turner - Mansfield Road



Dr Nightingale - Woodhouse Road



Drs. Askew, Gardner, Greer and Pearce - Ecclesall Road



Drs. Labib, Foggitt, Gething, Nicholls, Oates, Wainwright, Wallis, Cox, Lees and Brimacombe – all from the dark side of town, down Attercliffe way.



Many more doctors would be joining the list in weeks to come. It would be a very bitter pill for them doctors to swallow.




What surprised ‘Doctor’ Zakes, was the dumbness of some of his patients. On ‘catching’ a sore throat, many of them would take cough mixtures, hot drinks, and the remedies of ‘old wives’. These useless remedies are useless. They (the patients) should have sought the advice of the ineffable ‘Doctor’ Zakes. During the previous month ‘Doctor’ Zakes had lost 27 of his very valid patients. By taking ‘lightly’ sore throats, the 27 patients had died after developing, Scarlet Fever, Typhus, Whooping Cough, Smallpox and many other contagious diseases. 3 other patients, who had luckily survived, had each had a burning issue with Shingles.


For the price of a comic and a packet of fags, ‘Doctor’ Zakes would have prevented the death of these dead patients before they died. Patients must realise, and not forget that:


Diseased air, or air full of impurities and infection, when breathed, goes first down the upper part of the throat, before it enters the wind pipe (trachea), and in passing leaves much of its poison there. This can lead to contagious diseases that can kill 27 people at a time.




All good things come to an end, and that’s what happened. It was reported in the Daily Sketch, that ‘Doctor’ Zakes had suddenly died peacefully in his sleep. His life had been stubbed-out by a strange case of some smoking disease, where the lips turned green, then start to quiver.

Edited by zakes
Secretarial error

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Germs 1966.


Having awoken in playful mood, Zakes, aged 12, undrew his bedroom curtains to let in the light of a new day. Having had a tiddle, and a quick wesh in the bathroom, Zakes arrived in the kitchen downstairs, because he didn't live in a bungalow.

Dad and Mum Zakes were sat at the sky-blue pink coloured formica-topped dining table. They had already breakfasted, and were now reading. Dad Zakes was studying the horse-racing form in the Saturday issue of the Daily Sketch. Mum Zakes was reading with envious eyes, the latest issue of the Parade nuddy magazine.

Having loudly harrumphed, Zakes cheerfully good morninged the pair. He received the usual response. . . no response.

As it was Saturday, Mum Zakes would be soon setting-off to do the family's weekly shop, at the Castle Market, in town. Mum Zakes always bought Dutch cheese, German quark, French rye bread, Danish bacon, and British broken biscuits.

Dad Zakes would also be going into town, to have a bet on the horses, and to drink a pint or three of beer. Dad Zakes enjoyed drinking Stones Best Bitter, because it tasted somewhat 'gritty', and because it was as smooth as a pebble. Dad Zakes once had a bad case of gall Stones, when he had gotten bladder-ed at the Rock Inn, in Crane Moor. He later had a relapse at the Rock Inn, in Green Moor. Dad Zakes was never seen in Pistmoor, nor in Dixon Lane, in Sheffield.

Zakes would be going to the matinee at the Rex picture palace, in Intake, if he could manage to cadge a Florin off his dad. The money would cover the cost of admission, spice, an ice-cream, and a good sized bag of scraps from the chip-hole, on his way back to home.


On the dining table atween the two readers, was a half loaf of Hovis brown bread. Zakes reached atween the two perusers to snatch up the loaf. The writing on the wrapping said. . . 'Hovis is the slice of life'. It also said. . . 'Hovis is the foundation of sturdy health and leaping energy'. Further reading revealed that Hovis bread had wheat germ in it. This confused Zakes, causing him to knit his eyebrows together. He wanted immediate explanation as to why so called healthy bread had germ(s) in it.

Zakes - "Dad, this bag of Hovis bread says its got wheat germ(s) in it, surely that's poison. Why are you two still alive. Is it a slow-killing poison?"

Dad Zakes - "No son, you have got the wrong end of the loaf. Hovis bread isn't poisonous. Wheat germ is the vitamin-rich embryo of the wheat kernel, which is largely removed before milling and is used in bread and cereals, as a food supplement. The bread doesn't contain wheat rust, nor does it contain wheatworm, so its safe to (wh)eat. And please cease coming out with your eloquent outpourings of wisdom. "

Zakes was still confused.

Zakes - "When we lived on Hackenthorpe, dad, I used to go to the fields behind Carr Forge Road, then I went down to the Shirebrook river. On my way there, there was a big wheat field full of wheat, and I saw lots of birds swooping down from the sky, to eat wheat from the field. I thought the birds were Corn Buntings, but when I got home and looked in my Observer's Book of Birds, I found out the birds were actually Wheatears. The next time I went to the wheat field, which was two days later, the Wheatears weren't there anymore, I had waited ages for them. Do you think that Germ(s)many could have sent German spies to scatter German germs onto the wheat field? That would explain why I didn't ever see the Wheatears again. Them German trunts poisoned our birds, dad!"

Dad Zakes - "Don't be daft, son, the Germans wouldn't dare come to poison our birds. Mr. Churchill shewed them German trunts the error of their ways over twenty years ago. They won't be bothering us, or our birds again. Here, have a taste of this slice of nice Hovis bread."

Zakes - "I hope this 'Hovis slice of life' doesn't cost me my life. If I go all green, then fall to the floor, phone 999 for an ambulance, and may God save me. Please don't be a devil by phoning 666, it could be a matter of loaf and death. "

Zakes took a tentative bite of the proffered slice of Hovis. It tasted nice, very nice, wholesome and wheatsome. . yummy.


Zakes - "Mum, when you've quite finished browsing through my magazine, I want to ask you summat. Can I have a party, I want to invite my pals, and my pal-esses?"

Mum Zakes - "I'll let you have a party on condition you promise to mend your ways. I suppose you'll be wanting me to buy loads of fancy things like, eclairs, vanilla slices, elephants foots, other buns, ice-cream etc?"

Zakes - "Oh, no, Mum. I want a basic party, nothing extravagant, just a nice little get together for 34 lads and lasses. I've had a quick think about the food we'd like to have. It consists of. . .

1 large pack of 'hundreds and thousands', Mr. Whippy, Mr. Softee, Mr. Taggy, Mr. Cuneo, and Mr. Ronksley always sprinkle them on my cornets of ice-cream.

6 packs of double-wrapped Kraft margarine. 1/2d for a half-pound packet, it spreads smoothly even when cold. Quality counts, when its Kraft.

1 crate of Pepsi-Cola, Its more than refreshing! There's Pep-Pep-Pep in Pepsi-Cola. Try Pepsi when you're thirsty.

13 packets of Jacob's Fig Rolls. Hungry boys at work like Jacob's Fig Roll biscuits. Rich fruit baked in a biscuit.

12 loaves of Hovis wheat germ bread, it tastes great, Mum. "

"When you've bought that lot Mum, I'll give you three simple recipes, so simple, even you'll be able to do them. "


Mum Zakes - "Tell me the recipes now, so I can set mi mind on how to do them. "

Zakes - "OK Mum, here goes. "

Fairy Food: "Sprinkle 'hundreds and thousands' onto slices of Hovis bread, already smeared with Kraft margarine, then cut in star and diamond shapes. Children are enchanted with this. "

Butter-Bunnies: "Hovis bread slices already smeared with Kraft margarine. With a large rabbit-shaped biscuit cutter, cut the Hovis bread into entertaining rabbit shapes. "

A treat for every day:
"1 breadknife, sharp.
 1 Butter knife, blunt or sharp.
 3 loaves of Hovis wheat germ bread.
 Lots of creamy Kraft margarine. "

"With breadknife, cut thin slices of Hovis bread. With Butter-knife, add Kraft margarine generously to the Hovis bread. Continue until the Hovis bread, and Kraft margarine are exhausted, spent, used-up. Children are mad about the taste of Hovis wheat germ bread. "


Minutes later.

Zakes - " Mum, I'm hungry, can I have some breakfast, please. "

Mum Zakes - "Yes son, would you like to have a bowl of Shredded Wheat, I think its got germ in it. I've got fresh milk too. Start your day the healthful way. "

Zakes (smirking) - Yoik!! No Mum, I'd rather have a bowl of germless Wheatear-bix instead. "

Mum Zakes (irked) - Wallop!


Zakes (in pain) - "Ouch! ! "


2 hours later.

Zakes was trotting along Birley Moor Road, heading toward the Rex flicks, in Intake. His red left-ear was still hearing the Bells of ST. Martin, but he wore the smile of a cheeky Cheshire cat.

Zakes was so pleased with himself, having sown the wheat to deliberately wind-up his parents. . . Once agean! !  Ha-Ha-Ha.



Zakes' party went down a treat on the following weekend. . .

The food was heavenly.

The girls were willing.

The Yardbirds played, their Heart(S)Full of Soul, on the two-tone grey and red Dansette record-player.  

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June 1966.  part 1.
June is a peaceful month in the countryside. Most of the birds have successfully reared one nest of chicks and some are sitting a second clutch of eggs.

The very wet weather that we had earlier in the year did not affect the hare's breeding programme. The leverets are now nearly full grown and in good health. This cannot be said about the rabbit population. It has once again been decimated by the killer disease Myxamatosis.

The ever increasingly grown crops of oil rape seed make near perfect cover for most of the ground dwelling wildlife and with it's vivid yellow flowers it makes a startling contrast to the usual patchwork of green.

It is light very early in the morning now. The best time to study wildlife, animals and birds alike. I know of three different places where to watch the kingfisher. Sometimes just a flash of blue is all you may see as the bird dives into the water, but by standing still and quiet you can watch this expert fisherman at work.

A host of early summer flowers are now appearing; honeysuckle, dog rose, ragged robin, buttercups, red and white clover and countless others are contributing their colours to make the countryside a beautiful place. A June motto;

"Mist in May and heat in June
 Bring all things into tune".

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As for Hovis, wasn't their bakery just inside the Rotherham boundary on the right as approached from Templebro' ?

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On 30/04/2019 at 16:30, St Petre said:

As for Hovis, wasn't their bakery just inside the Rotherham boundary on the right as approached from Templebro' ?

Or on the left approaching from Canklow.😃

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June 1966.  part 2.


On a recent walk it was a delight to come across two birds I had never knowingly seen before, one a linnet, the other a whitethroat.


The linnet was the more positively identified. At first sight it seemed to be a baby robin but I knew the answer to the quiz question, 'how far up does a robin's red go'? This bird's red breast did not go that far. Not only that, there was a clear hint of cleavage, the red colour dividing down the middle and a separate touch of a deeper bluey-red topped the head. Too soon it flew off, leaving a memory of a pretty, almost exotic little creature. At the time I had no idea what the bird was, apart from wandering if it was a redstart. I needed to get to Frecheville library to hunt through the pictures of their bird books. At the library I spotted another interesting bird...fully breasted and long legged, called Patricia. The blushing Patricia kindly directed me to the bird book section. On page 87 in the book, Birds of the Field and Forest, I found a picture of a linnet. The picture confirmed what I'd seen earlier that day.


The books were not as helpful when it came to whitethroats; they differ over whether the back is grey or brown. A small slim bodied bird, I saw it as pale brown with an almost white belly, hopping along a path in a grassy green garden.


It was in the same garden that I saw the linnet, perched on a recently clipped gorse bush on the new Newstead estate. It is ironic that people seek to walk in the wilder areas only to find such birds as these amongst manicured lawns and flowerbeds.


For those who may be itching to know the answer to the quiz question, a robin's red reaches right above the eyes to the forehead.

The linnet has a notably sweet song. I've heard it.

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Cousin Daphne


Creating waves whilst lying in the bath at home, Zakes had a look of intent upon his cheerful, cheeky cherubic face.  The hot soothing Radox filled water was swaying back and forth at five hands high at it’s lowest as Zakes was thinking of his 19 years old wayward cousin, Daphne.


It had always been Daphne’s ambition to become a nun in a nunnery, and she had even been for an interview in Nuneaton in Warwickshire.  Due to her sensitive eyesight the interview took place under a calmer light.  She was told that she had got the job, but she then had second thoughts about it because of some of the rules.  It had been told to her that it was forbidden for any of the nuns to attempt practicing press-ups in the cucumber patch.  Daphne quite understood that ruling for obvious reasons, but she couldn’t understand the ruling about candles having to be out by eight o’clock.  Cousin Daphne wasn’t in the habit to take such orders and wanted to remain un-convent-ional and superior to all.


The waves were now rising and becoming more violent as the 13 years old Zakes recalled those heady days of the last autumn gone when Daphne had come to stay for a week.  During the second night Daphne had crept into Zakes’ bedroom and requested a cuddle.  Zakes had been glad to have been of assistance because it had been bleeding freezing in there.  One thing had lead to another and before long Daphne had slid half way down the bed, and the confused Zakes didn’t know if he was coming or going.  After a few minutes Zakes asked Daphne if she was alright down there, and warned her things could get messy if she wasn’t careful.  Daphne told Zakes everything was okay and to stop talking nunsense, and Zakes responded by telling her it was bad manners to talk with her mouth full.


After the waves had died down the breathless Zakes climbed out of the bath then dried himself with the fluffy towel his mum had acquired in recent months with 5,700 green shield stamps.  Zakes didn’t like what he saw in the full length wall mirror and quickly dressed after powdering himself.  Reaching for the cardboard like canister of Vim, Zakes speedily scrubbed the bath clean of it’s tide mark, and also made sure not to leave any evidence of his enjoyment.

Warmly wrapped up Zakes left the family home and took the decision to have a gander around the shops at Frecheville.  It was now coming up to the fourth week of December in the year 1967 and Christmas was just a few days away, and Christmas Day was the Present day, and not just today.  Walking along Newstead Road Zakes came across a local lad called Jim Hardy.  Jim was a robust kid and never rested on his laurels which Zakes liked.  Following a brief natter they parted company with a handshake and a smile.

Further along the way Zakes stopped to have a chat with an old grey haired man who’s name was Albert Onestone.  Mr. Onestone always thought himself to be relative, but in theory he wasn’t, because he was a false faced freak.  It must be said in his favour though that he was a very wise man, in fact he was extremely jewdicious.

Approaching Frecheville shops Zakes heard his name being called.  He looked to his left and saw Lorna who was a gippy gipsy woman who was always endeavouring to sell clothes pegs in the neighbourhood.  Zakes had always found Lorna to be quite sweet and sensual, and thought that she could do with a good pegging.

Arriving at Frechy, Zakes had a good look around all the shops and met many people he knew, and everyone seemed to be looking forward to being visited by Santa in a few days time.


Peering into the Butcher’s shop window Zakes saw nine turkeys on display, and thought to himself that none of them would have ever been as good a gobbler as cousin Daphne was.

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A refreshing change from your usual birds, very satisfying I'm sure......

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Nah then Mike, The chip shop on Selig Terrace was run by Julio. Was his nationality Italian or Maltese? The chip shop is now called Rainbow and is now Chinese run.

Bring back Julio, and also The'Arra'.

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1 hour ago, zakes said:



Nah then Mike, The chip shop on Selig Terrace was run by Julio. Was his nationality Italian or Maltese? The chip shop is now called Rainbow and is now Chinese run.

Bring back Julio, and also The'Arra'.

If your talking about the one near the Old Harrow it was also run by someone called David Geddess, I always thought he was the one who sold out to the Chinese but could be wrong.

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23 hours ago, zakes said:



Nah then Mike, The chip shop on Selig Terrace was run by Julio. Was his nationality Italian or Maltese? The chip shop is now called Rainbow and is now Chinese run.

Bring back Julio, and also The'Arra'.

Sorely missed zakes, both of em.

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