Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[Jim Hardie 527]

I wouldn't mind slapping Len Goodman with a pair of partly defrosted Iceland kippers, oh and that other twerp Peter Andre.

[rainbow2411 11]

Oh I miss Timo, Lord's Snooty and Chaverley, the forum has not been nearly so much fun since they left us, thought you might like a sample of their post

 

 

Who would you most like to slap in the face, from the parade of talentless grotesques we are regularly exposed to on television, radio etc? In my case, I would like to don black leather gloves and repeatedly slap the face [Gestapo-style] of Cliff Richard. I would relish administering a thrashing to the unctious visage of the 'Peter Pan of Pop', as revenge for his sickly, oily music ['Mistletoe and Whine' etc], and 'Jump up and down for Jesus' Evangelicalism.

 

Other candidates might include silly little boys like Ant and Dec, the oafish, foul-mouthed Gordon Ramsay and the Corncrake-voiced, mincing Will Young.

 

As the originator of this thread, I would like to make it clear that when I refer to a 'slap', I do not mean the short, stinging admonishment administered by a lady [of either sex] in anger. I refer to the kind of jaw-breaking blow that might be struck by an Officer of the infamous Japanese Kempei Tei of World War Two. When I write of 'slapping' Cliff Richard, I have in mind the kind of open-handed blow that might impair the hearing of the victim, set their face ablaze with neuralgia for days and cause them to collapse. Is that clear?

 

Now, on with this festival of savagery. Let us revenge ourselves upon the grotesques that plague the media, if only in the imaginary sense. Another candidate for a severe slap- Robbie Williams. I have an urge to leave the room to be sick whenever I see his smug, self-satisfied expression and teenage mannerisms paraded on screen. His voice is no better than a thousand other Karioke 'wanna-be's'. Full praise to Liam Gallagher for his bon mot and astute remark that Williams is 'that fat dancer out of Take That'.

 

I'd like to administer a slap to Alan Twatfarce, with the proviso that he is standing on top of The Old Man Of Hoy, and that I am safely in harness at the end of a rope dangling from a helicopter hovering overhead. The sea needs to be good and choppy, mind, so that he is dashed to pieces on the rocks, just in case the fall doesn't kill him. A little over-the-top, you may think, but when you consider this man titled his autobiography 'Trowel and Error', it starts to make sense....

 

....And just to level things up a bit, I think I'd rather enjoy a slap from Abi Titmuss.

 

Some excellent candidates for a well deserved and vigorous slapping here. My own impromptu list is:

 

Titchmarsh;

Skinner;

Parkinson;

Dawn French;

The red haired gnome from Simply Red (can’t even remember his name);

Llwellyn-Bowen;

Robbie Williams;

Geldof;

Bono;

The Labour cabinet (all of them);

Anna Kournikova (on her rear end and over my knee)

 

PS, I know the thread refers to entertainers, but I think the current Labour cabinet qualifies on the grounds that it is full of jokers

 

I must confess that I cannot decide which end of Davina McCall to slap the hardest, and which would cause most pleasure. I am in the strange position of detesting the woman's overbearing personality, and complete lack of broadcasting ablity and talent, yet finding her rather physically attractive. It would be nice to see both ends brought simultaneously to the boil, so to speak. Does anyone have some sort of BDSM flagellation/spanking equipment available? I am thinking of the kind of devices allegedly employed by certain Vichy policeforces at the time of Nazi occupation. I wouldn't have the foggiest, as I don't frequent the flagellation 'scene'. Someone on here must do, by the law of averages.

 

We could persuade Davina to take part in a 'charity' event, where she would be 'mildly chastised'. This would flatter her enormous vanity, and ensure compliance. Then, we could administer such a walloping as to render her both speechless and deliciously sore.

 

Is this the best thread on Sheffield Forum or what?!

[Scozzie 10]

That horrid little &$*%head, Justin bloody Beiber.

His face just makes me angry!

I'd love to slap his face

With a fish

That is filled with bricks.

[cressida 1,570]

Quote Rainbow 2411:

 

Originally Posted by LordChaverly View Post

 

Some excellent candidates for a well deserved and vigorous slapping here. My own impromptu list is:

 

Titchmarsh;

Skinner;

Parkinson;

Dawn French;

The red haired gnome from Simply Red (can’t even remember his name);

Llwellyn-Bowen;

Robbie Williams;

Geldof;

Bono;

The Labour cabinet (all of them);

 

 

I do miss his posts, anyone know where he is these days?

 

His posts regarding badly behaved children were so funny

[mjw47 10]

Jeremy Clarkson

 

Russell Brand

 

Bono

 

Geldof

 

Diane Abbot. Have never, and would never, hit a woman but sorely tempted.

Yes I know strictly speaking she's not in entertainment but it's close enough.

 

John Cleese. One trick pony, single talented, repetitive git.

[Bonzo77 13]

Jeremy Clarkson

 

Russell Brand

 

Bono

 

Geldof

 

Diane Abbot. Have never, and would never, hit a woman but sorely tempted.

Yes I know strictly speaking she's not in entertainment but it's close enough.

 

John Cleese. One trick pony, single talented, repetitive git.

 

John Cleese? Don't get that one? I understand the others.

[lectrolove 10]

The red haired gnome from Simply Red (can’t even remember his name);

 

Mick Hucknall. Good call, I'd forgotten about him but yes he's loathsome. In a similar vein, whatsisname out of Simple Minds.

 

Am I the only one who would love to see Guy Martin beaten to a pulp? Blokey professional Northerner in the worst possible way.

[rossyrooney 12]

Geldof is a good shout ... The more slaps the better.

[mjw47 10]

John Cleese? Don't get that one? I understand the others.

 

I find him highly irritating, originally he was slightly amusing in Monty Python and Fawlty Towers, but that was back in the early seventies and he's been playing the same part ever since.

 

Even in the beginning I never found either of the programs hilarious, amusing, but no more.

 

Pythons was English Public schoolboy humour which gets tiresome after awhile.

 

Cleese has been doing the same shtick with no alteration ever since. I strongly suspect from what I've read about him that he's actually playing himself, a sarcastic, supercilious, grumpy git.

 

He has a habit of turning up in American sitcoms when they start running out of ideas.

 

Each time this happens I groan inwardly, because first of all the program is probably ending, and secondly I'm about to be treat to this one trick pony's act which I have been seeing, without variance, on and off for forty years.

[rainbow2411 11]

Today I want to nominate 2 off Sky News' most deserving candidates my 1st choice is Adam Boulton who's fat spiteful face should be slapped hard and often and running a very close 2nd is the ever insufferable Kay Burley, I really really want to wipe that self important, prissy 'aren't I just so very clever' look off her stretched face. There I feel better already

[Member 10]

Geldof is a good shout ... The more slaps the better.

 

You can give his mate Bono a few from me whilst your at it.

Self important, patronising, arrogant lying hypocritical scumbag of the highest order that one is.

 

---------- Post added 06-11-2014 at 19:46 ----------

 

Jeremy Clarkson

 

Russell Brand

 

Bono

 

Geldof

 

Diane Abbot. Have never, and would never, hit a woman but sorely tempted.

Yes I know strictly speaking she's not in entertainment but it's close enough.

 

John Cleese. One trick pony, single talented, repetitive git.

Agree with this list but i wouldnt slap Clarkson. Hes too funny to slap.

[Bonzo77 13]

I find him highly irritating, originally he was slightly amusing in Monty Python and Fawlty Towers, but that was back in the early seventies and he's been playing the same part ever since.

 

Even in the beginning I never found either of the programs hilarious, amusing, but no more.

 

Pythons was English Public schoolboy humour which gets tiresome after awhile.

 

Cleese has been doing the same shtick with no alteration ever since. I strongly suspect from what I've read about him that he's actually playing himself, a sarcastic, supercilious, grumpy git.

 

He has a habit of turning up in American sitcoms when they start running out of ideas.

 

Each time this happens I groan inwardly, because first of all the program is probably ending, and secondly I'm about to be treat to this one trick pony's act which I have been seeing, without variance, on and off for forty years.

 

I didn't think he'd done much since Python and Faulty Towers. I love the man. Grumpy and old as he may be and I don't think he's got a slappable face. Russell Howard, or that guy who was in the paralympics who think's he's funny, I'd give their face a slap or two.