Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[Greenback 10]

Originally posted by JBee

What I would really like to do is take a large wet (dead) fish, possibly a trout or seabass, and give that cretinous berk Chris Moyles a damn good hiding with it.

 

After belting him a good few times round those flabby chops, I would then shove it so far down his throat that he could never inflict himself on us, via the airwaves, again.

 

"The savoiur of Radio one"???

 

What is the world coming to?

 

He prays on vulnerable people who haven't got their wits about them cause they've just woken up, his arrogance is unmistakable, his sense of humour varies between schoolyard and non-existant, and you can hear the fat vibrating round his body as he speaks.

 

A foul example of a human being. Give that man a slap!!!!

 

Moyles quite clearly got bullied as a child. He's fat, oafish and speaks with a strange high-pitched non-accent. In Leeds, they don't stand for that kind of thing. He also hasn't got a clue about football – despite banging on about it all the time on the radio – which would not have helped his cause in his youth.

 

If I were some kind of psychologist (with apologies to Mr Cruise), I would say his brusque, overbearing and unbearable manner are due to childhood trauma. However, I'm not a psychologist, so I'll just call him a jelly-bellied know-nothing ignoramous.

 

*exhales*

[greennigel 10]

Chris de Burgh could do with a scutch.

[Greenback 10]

Originally posted by LordChaverly

The red haired gnome from Simply Red (can’t even remember his name);

 

Hucknall! Oh, yes, Hucknall deserves it.

 

Ditto Clapton, Williams, Osbourne (K.), Blunt (stop whining and swearing you silly boy), De Burgh, O'Donnell, and all of the Corrs. Especially Jim.

[timo 10]

I must confess that I cannot decide which end of Davina McCall to slap the hardest, and which would cause most pleasure. I am in the strange position of detesting the woman's overbearing personality, and complete lack of broadcasting ablity and talent, yet finding her rather physically attractive. It would be nice to see both ends brought simultaneously to the boil, so to speak. Does anyone have some sort of BDSM flagellation/spanking equipment available? I am thinking of the kind of devices allegedly employed by certain Vichy policeforces at the time of Nazi occupation. I wouldn't have the foggiest, as I don't frequent the flagellation 'scene'. Someone on here must do, by the law of averages.

 

We could persuade Davina to take part in a 'charity' event, where she would be 'mildly chastised'. This would flatter her enormous vanity, and ensure compliance. Then, we could administer such a walloping as to render her both speechless and deliciously sore.

 

Is this the best thread on Sheffield Forum or what?!

[Abdul 10]

Originally posted by timo

Is this the best thread on Sheffield Forum or what?!

 

Dear Timo

 

I think you are suffering from a(nother) mid life crisis.

 

Please call The Samaritans on 0845 7909 090 for a confidential chat.

[timo 10]

Thankyou Abdul, for your kind concern . These obsessive states, revealing a terrifying pathology and sadistic propensity, just come and go. I have tried 'Quiet Life' tablets to no avail. Admit it, though, isn't there a celebrity you would like to wallop?

[Abdul 10]

There's quite a few people I'd like to slap, but none of them are on television. If there's someone so obnoxious on the goggle box that makes me want to put my foot through it, I'll switch it off and drink a nice strong cup of tea sweetened with mint leaves.

 

As the popular theme tune went:

 

"Why don't you...just switch off your tv set and go out and do something less boring instead?"

 

Come to think of it, that smug git and his wife who were involved in the cash for questions scandal don't need so much a slap as a brick in the face.

 

Neil and Pristine Christine Hamilton

[LordSnooty 10]

Llwellyn-Bowen

 

Good call, Lord C. This man is an imbecile. 'His' wallpaper designs (he's probably never seen them because he doesn't go to Wickes) are atrocious. Not content with selling his name and (god save us) likeness to promote patterned lav paper, he also condescends to 'educate' us re. the finer points of interior design history, whilst flouncing around someone's lounge spraying an old twig gold, hanging it from their light fitting and saying things like, 'a baroque flourish'. I'd like to see him sprayed gold and hung from someone's light fitting - by the neck, until dead.

 

Has anyone mentioned his brother-in-arse Diamund Gavin (soz about spelling). This man needs serious speech therapy....and a spade in the face.

[LordSnooty 10]

Oh rats, Adbul, you beat me to the 'alternative to slap' gag. I hadn't seen your most recent post....honest.

[dylan_61 10]

Here's my top ten people deserving of a slap and a potential slapping implement

 

1) Ant (of Ant and Dec fame):- slap each of his eyes with paintballs to recreate the scene from Byker Grove

 

2) Zionists settlers:- hear them wail whilst their being slapped with the falling rubble from a falling West Wall

 

3) Robbie Williams:- Slap him with a syringe filled with the Ebola virus.

 

4) Linda Barker:- Slap her with a hijacked, fuel laden Jumbo Jet

 

5) Ashley Cole:- slap him with two Super Trams both coming towards him on the same track

 

6) Dec (of Ant and Dec fame):- Develop time travel, send him back 60 million years and slap him with the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs

 

7) The lead singer of the Darkness:- Slap him with the radioactive fall out from Chernobyl

 

Ian McCartney:- Slap him after he's sat down for his sixth fry up of the day, that should give the 'heart attack waiting to happen' what's coming to him

 

9) Tony Bliar:- Slap him with justice for the thousands of lives he's ended in Iraq

 

10) Graham Norton:- Slap him with a ten foot metal carrot that happens to look like a willy.

[feargal 21]

Ah, Timo, where do I start... Top of the list would surely have to be Daniel O'Donnell. He's incredibly sinister with his expressionless face and gentle swaying, luring harmless middle-aged ladies onto the jagged rocks of balladry. He's taken to wearing a leather biker jacket now as well, which just enrages me more. Double 'back-and forth' slapping required there then.

 

Now we've warmed up on D O'D, then lets tackle Coldplay. All of 'em should feel the pain, but particularly that whiney, macrobiotic pip of a frontman. They are deserving of a huge Adrian Edmondson-style windmilling slap (maybe with a frying pan or fire extinguisher), as seen in Bottom.

 

I'm also going to hold Dylan_61's coat while he has a pop at Graham Norton, as I despise that talentless buffoon too. (Norton, I mean, not Dylan!)

[Captain_Scarlet 10]

Originally posted by gatecrasher3

Jimmy Carr, what a complete and utter freak show.

I were gunna say him... A reet slap face !