The delicate subject of sponsoring walks etc

[patkinson 10]

I absolutely agree medusa, it's the visible giving that encourage the one upmanship especially within a family, group of friends or colleagues. Could it be that the real winners are the givegivegive,com organisers?

[todd100% 10]

Thanks everybody, it seems I'm not the meanest wickedest person on this earth after all. My problem is that when people ask me to sponsor them to do a walk for a worthy charity through these giving websites, I find it hard to refuse and I too, as patkinson says have a problem with the envelopes I give a decent amount because I know that the neighbour who collects then, opens them all and has to write down what everyone has given in front of a witness that is the rule. I too think that the organisers of the websites are the real winners 5% does not sound much but it's a lot, when millions of pounds are donated through their websites.

This is what my very best friend said to me I didn't at any time say I resented giving to her daughter's charity but she seems to think I did. All I said was that this is the last time because I have to draw the line.

> I'm really sorry that you feel as you do about having sponsored **** ,

> obviously we'll never ask you again , so don't worry about that . You

> should have refused , it would have been kinder to us than giving a

> donation and then saying how much you resented it . My feeling is that it

> would be better to refund it to you , but **** feels that might be unkind

> on our part.

Was it really necessary to say such terrible things when I'd only voiced my intentions for the future? I was deeply upset by this.

She wants me to forget it now and go back to where we were but I truly find it difficult, I feel she's thrown my generosity into my face.

[rubydazzler 11]

My problem is that when people ask me to sponsor them to do a walk for a worthy charity through these giving websites, I find it hard to refuse and I too, as patkinson says have a problem with the envelopes I give a decent amount because I know that the neighbour who collects then, opens them all and has to write down what everyone has given in front of a witness that is the rule. I too think that the organisers of the websites are the real winners 5% does not sound much but it's a lot, when millions of pounds are donated through their websites.

I don't know whether where you live is a very wealthy area but let me assure you that, having in the past collected the cancer charity envelopes, the average amount donated is about £1 and a lot of households don't even answer the door to return the envelope. I don't think I'm giving any secrets away telling you that. Sometimes people will be more generous if it's a cause dear to their hearts. I agree that the people who run the online sites are obviously making a lot of money. How do they justify taking 5% of a charity donation, when most people do what they do for nothing? I'd try never to donate via an online site for this very reason. Stop feeling so guilty and let your friend grovel to you for forgiveness, if you really want her back. She perhaps felt embarrassed herself and decided that attack was the best form of defence.

[todd100% 10]

Thanks Ruby you're a brick, (in the nicest possible way) we I live in the Sheffield Hallam area but I hasten to add not in the wealthy part. My friend doesn't live round here so it's unlikely she will ever see this forum, but she is rich I'm not. We've been friends since we were children. I will have to think carefully about our relationship now though because of how her words have hurt me and my husband.

[medusa 16]

The other thing to bear in mind is that to people who have a large amount of disposable income £20 is neither here nor there, but to people who have to watch their outgoings it can make the difference between making ends meet at the end of the month and eating baked beans on toast for a week until the next pay packet happens.

 

People get out of habit of sticking to a budget when they're well off and forget what it's like for money to be tight. It's obvious that your friend has not considered the reasons behind why you can't put your hand in your pocket repeatedly when asked and that's great for her that she's living in a world where she doesn't have to budget her expenditure. I'm sure if she was aware how much of a selfish and unthinking person she looks for her reaction to you (especially during a recession when lots of people have very little or nothing to live on) then she'd think twice about offending people in future.

[patkinson 10]

Thanks everybody, it seems I'm not the meanest wickedest person on this earth after all. My problem is that when people ask me to sponsor them to do a walk for a worthy charity through these giving websites, I find it hard to refuse and I too, as patkinson says have a problem with the envelopes I give a decent amount because I know that the neighbour who collects then, opens them all and has to write down what everyone has given in front of a witness that is the rule. I too think that the organisers of the websites are the real winners 5% does not sound much but it's a lot, when millions of pounds are donated through their websites.

This is what my very best friend said to me I didn't at any time say I resented giving to her daughter's charity but she seems to think I did. All I said was that this is the last time because I have to draw the line.

> I'm really sorry that you feel as you do about having sponsored **** ,

> obviously we'll never ask you again , so don't worry about that . You

> should have refused , it would have been kinder to us than giving a

> donation and then saying how much you resented it . My feeling is that it

> would be better to refund it to you , but **** feels that might be unkind

> on our part.

Was it really necessary to say such terrible things when I'd only voiced my intentions for the future? I was deeply upset by this.

She wants me to forget it now and go back to where we were but I truly find it difficult, I feel she's thrown my generosity into my face.

You call her your very good friend? You certainly don't need enemies love. Friends from childhood or not - give her the push. Did she bully you as a child? She certainly sounds like a bully. Good friends don't act like that.