One wedding and two annoying familys..can you help

[dieselbabe 10]

I am glad i found this group hope you can help me. sorry it is a long rant

 

 

First i have never got excited about big weddings for my own wedding and dresses flowers shoes and i am not big make up fan, to put it short i am not a girly girl, no am i butch looking before anyone ask . but girly things do nothing for me and my family always known this.

Our family says we should do our wedding at church even thou they know i am not religious, i want to marry my partner because i love him and not become some religious event or even at a reg office but still were a dress, now the last ever photo you see me in a dress i was 8 years old i am now 33 i was a bridesmaid and back then i remember kicking up a strop not wanting to wear one.

 

What i want is something simple, people dress causal or even in football tops and have the doo at a football ground, now this idea gone down well with most men of the family and my best female friend as she too is a football lover, but the rest of our family hate the idea, i mean who's wedding is this suppose to be ours or the family, yes i could wear a suite but i not keen. Just want something different. Aslo my sis want to get the DJ in has a wedding gift, again i wanted someone who will play a mix of music for all but mainly rock because like me and my partner most of our friends are into rock music, and also i thought it will be nice not to listen to pop all night, but also have a mix of music others will like. But my sis says no she will pay for a normal DJ only that plays music for wedding.

 

I just want something simple, not all this speech stuff but have one big party at the night. also i have been told to have Paige boys and bridesmaids, ok i know its known to have them, but in total we have 17 nephews and nieces, pluss maybe another 6 (my partner has a very big family) if my partner and his other brother start talking again before our wedding, but it is not fair to leave some out if we have some involve, i have seen in weddings before you leave a kid out ur slated for it, but we say would love to have my daughter and our brothers and sisters involve only, has that will only be 6 of them, but no that idea was snarled at because my two sis and brother had my daughter has a bridesmaid at their wedding so they say it is only fair to have their kids involve in my wedding, but to be honest i cant have 17 kids has no way iam leaving any of them out . It is really getting me down has i do not know what to do for the best, i love just to do it alone with some friends, but i know it will be WW3 if i did that, or just change my name by deed poll and skip the wedding and just have a big party, and at the moment our wedding is just not getting started. now i dont know what i am to do because i wil be morbid if our family got their ways. anyone any ideas?

[Anj1364 10]

I agree with you - it's your wedding and it should be how you want it to be. It's unfair of your family to expect you to do things their way and make you unhappy on what should be one of the best days of your life. I would say 'this is how it's going to be and if you don't like it - don't come' Just tell them it's off as you can't agree what to do then arrange it all yourself and then just tell them where and when.

[jengo 10]

Foot. Down.

 

Your wedding, your rules - screw em! Arrange it without them then just send the invite. Thats what we've done.

[dieselbabe 10]

Thanks you guys, can i be in your family you both sound just what i want my family to be like.

I got the feeling my family had a say now for my brothers wedding also. he too wanted a simple one, but he end up with the full blown get up wedding, i was surprised he did it. now i think after talking to my side of the family he too also had a little push. my two sisters, one had a full on wedding because she is like that and very girly. I am more surprised of my second eldest sister remarks has ( up until the last few days) i thought we was so alike has we like the same things and we have always been close, she had her wedding in a reg office but she wore a suite, but she thinks our idea are silly. I mean it may sound dull and boring to many that love the big wedding, but we not wanting speeches, nor do we want gifts has we got everything we need, instead i want people to donation to cancer hospice in Sheffield that help my uncle before he died and also a young carea charity, has i was ill a few years ago,and my daughter was acting has my carea, but she still goes to this charity run program to help out for the help they gave her over the years i was ill so i like to give something bac to them to take other kids out of day trips and short holidays like they did my daughter,. nor do we want a first dance, its not just us at all. All we want is the few moments for me and my partner to say I DO, then the evening time for a big fun party for all to enjoy themselves, i personally do not see the point in buying or others buying new suites and clothes just for one day. And for some it can be a burden if not got a lot of money. Hopefully we do it our way and let them all wish our day is ours, or before i become an addict from the painkillers i been taking for head pain from stress.

[mattsando 10]

Just remind your families whose wedding it is!

[AHG Creative 10]

I often think that weddings are as much for the families than the couple. However, it is your day and you should be able to have fun, be comfortable and remember it fondly. There's little point in going through all that organising and expense for something that you don't want. It should be a happy memory.

[Ghostrider 11]

Its ok for your sister to pay for a "normal" dj....

 

Most dj's, for a wedding, will ask you for a list of prefered music and will play anything you ask for....I know of 3 on here that do weddings on a regular basis and they are full time rock dj's

[PatzB 10]

Do what you want, we are no bridesmaids, no best man, lost my dad 4 years ago so no one giving me away, getting married at registrar office and we walking in together, if people dont like it then they wont come but if they love us enough they will! good luck and stick to what you want

[dieselbabe 10]

Thanks again guys, i think you are all right, it is our day so lets do it our way. I think like my OH says i am too soft sometimes to please everybody and put others first, but i think i am going to write down what WE want and say to them if they don't like it then don't come. Know it may cause some friction between them but they have time to get over it. Has for the DJ my sister is a bit snobby tbh, her wedding was the full works like some celb wedding like u see in the OK mag, yet she forgets when she was younger she too was a punk rocker with Mohawk, But i have had a nice PM from a DJ, i have hear her DJ before and i like what she does, so we have a DJ in the pipe line when we start to sort out dates and venue. Nice to see too PatzB you too did not have bridesmaids so it shows you don't always need them to make a wedding, sorry to hear about your dad not been able to give you away, but also this is why another reason we only want my and my OH siblings, has it upset my mum when my sis got married she got our dad to give her away and she did not involve our step dad even thou he been there more for us then our own dad. Now i think i know where the term bridezilla comes from. to me it don't seem from the stress of the wedding but family butting in what they want.

[jane91 10]

Ive just got married myself and had something of an inbetween wedding, mostly what i wanted and a little of what everyone else inputted.

 

Ive sent you a pm

 

Hope to speak soon.

[jengo 10]

Family is awful and over rated! Just tell em where, when and these are the rules - don't get bullied and don't let it stress you out. I'm getting married and really not bothered by the hype, yawn, does my head in to be honest. Just want to get it over with so can go have a very nice honeymoon!

 

Wear what you want, and DO WHAT YOU WANT!