Unhappy relationship

[foxy lady 10]

I had only started to feel this way before the pregnancy, it was not this bad. I thought it was just a phase, because people have their ups and downs, arguments and so forth, i did not realise how much the feelings would stay and grow.

 

Thank you for all the replies everybody, they have been a great help, and i have some thinking to do.

 

At 7 months pregnant your options are not great. You will shortly have a child, and the authorities will hold you responsible for its upkeep. You are in for an expensive time over the next few years regadless of what you choose to do.

 

I am troubled by your word "repulsed". You obviously weren't repulsed enough when it came to fathering the child. You might as well make the most of it. You can either take part in and enjoy bringing up your offspring or not, but one thing is for sure you will be required to pay the bills for its' support.

[waxonwaxoff 13]

I am in a very bad position right now. Instead of beating about the bush, I will tell exactly how it is.

 

My partner repulses me, I hate everything about her, i can not stand it when she touches me, i dont like her to be near me. I do not know why I feel like this, I can not help, I wish that I did not feel like this, but the fact is that I do. I still care for her as a friend, just not as a partner.

 

The real problem is this. She is currently 7 months pregnant, and she lives with me. I don't want to hurt her, and I know that breaking up with her now could be one of the worst things possible for her, yet I am very unhappy and have been for some time.

 

I know the pregnancy is not the reason for me feeling like this. I started to feel this way before she became pregnant, but it wasnt a strong feeling, the feeling has just grown and grown.

 

Some of you may say that I should have broke it off before she came pregnant. That may be true, but the fact is that I did not, and what ifs and buts will not change how the situation is right now.

 

I really feel awful, i hate feeling this way and I dont know what to do. The last thing that I want to do is to hurt her because she is an amazing girl.

 

Why do I feel this way and what should i do.

 

 

Why does she repulse you? What did you used to feel for her before?

[funt 10]

At 7 months pregnant your options are not great. You will shortly have a child, and the authorities will hold you responsible for its upkeep. You are in for an expensive time over the next few years regadless of what you choose to do.

 

I am troubled by your word "repulsed". You obviously weren't repulsed enough when it came to fathering the child. You might as well make the most of it. You can either take part in and enjoy bringing up your offspring or not, but one thing is for sure you will be required to pay the bills for its' support.

 

I haven't asked for any advice on bringing up my child. I will do that regardless.

 

"Repulse" and "hate" may have been too strong a words that I used. I was trying to get my point across I suppose. I clearly do not hate her, I just don't feel any attraction towards her any more, either mentally or physically.

 

I loved her before, and still do now

[foxy lady 10]

I haven't asked for any advice on bringing up my child. I will do that regardless.

 

"Repulse" and "hate" may have been too strong a words that I used. I was trying to get my point across I suppose. I clearly do not hate her, I just don't feel any attraction towards her any more, either mentally or physically.

 

I loved her before, and still do now

 

I didn't give any advice on bringing up the child. If you don't want comments you had best ask the questions elsewhere than a public forum!

[claire1976 10]

I haven't asked for any advice on bringing up my child. I will do that regardless.

 

"Repulse" and "hate" may have been too strong a words that I used. I was trying to get my point across I suppose. I clearly do not hate her, I just don't feel any attraction towards her any more, either mentally or physically.

 

I loved her before, and still do now

 

So now you 'love her' - make your mind up! It sounds to me like you don't really know what you want. Before you go making any rash decisions which will affect the future of your partner, baby and yourself I suggest you book yourself in with a counsellor quick sharp and discuss these feelings. You can't hate someone who repulses you then say you love them, think about your partners feelings in all this, she is already going through an emotional time being pregnant, trust me I am 7 mths pregnant myself and if this was my hubby I would be shocked by the indecisiveness of your feelings!

[willman 10]

If i'm honest you're being a tool. If you we realising you "disliked" her bfore the pregnancy then why procreate with her in the first instance.

 

Or is it just a little resentment at perhaps losing a little independence and freedom.

[Waldo 96]

Your relationship with your child, is not your relationship with your woman. My suggestion is to be completely honest and truthful with all the people in your life. You can do that and be kind and gentle with other people at the same time.

 

The worse thing to do, could be to keep your feelings all bottled up inside, which will probably only build up resentment in you. Instead, if you discuss them with your woman, you're honest, gentle and respectful with her; then yeah, it could go either way, and you could amicably split and stay on good terms, or work through it together.

 

Best of luck.

[arachnophobe 10]

It sounds like a very difficult situation. You say you've been feeling this way, to some degree, since before the pregnancy so it's been a while, and it doesn't sound like the situation is going to magically resolve itself.

 

As you obviously still care for her, would it be worth trying some sort of relationship counselling? Or living apart for a while to give yourself some space? At least then if you still felt you had to end it, you would know you'd tried everything you could.

 

If you do decide to split, at least you will still be on friendly terms which is very important with a child involved.

[happylady 10]

If its gone then its gone. Its bad that you didn't split before she became pregnant but we all learn from our mistakes and you do certainly need to learn from this one. However, you've got a baby to think of and to be honest I wouldn't have wanted my hubby to stay with me if he felt this way about me and I don't think it would have led to a happy atmosphere in the family nest. Personally I think you should tell her how you feel, it will be hard but life is sometimes.

 

Whether she'll want you to have anything to do with the baby that's for you to find out but hopefully she will.

[Skink 10]

hate to give advice . . .

 

it really is not that unusual for men to find a pregnant partner unattractive

 

based on my life experience three possible things could be going on here - and they could all be wrong for you, but none of this is abnormal - at least you seem to be thinking hard about this and asking for help (kinda)

 

1 in your heart you dont want to be with her but dont have the guts to deal with it for whatever reason

 

2 in your heart you think you might want to stick around but you are s*** scared about something inside you or about this relationship/situation

 

3 you havent a clue what you want/ feel lost and confused

 

 

all normal, and usually helped by talking to someone you trust

 

but whatever is going on for you dont forget how she is feeling too - she could be doing any of these as well

 

 

As for me, I tossed a 5p - heads I walk away - and it came up heads

This year we have been married 7 years and have now got two great kids

As soon as I saw Heads it I KNEW was wrong

[rachett 10]

I am in a very bad position right now. Instead of beating about the bush, I will tell exactly how it is.

 

My partner repulses me, I hate everything about her, i can not stand it when she touches me, i dont like her to be near me. I do not know why I feel like this, I can not help, I wish that I did not feel like this, but the fact is that I do. I still care for her as a friend, just not as a partner.

 

The real problem is this. She is currently 7 months pregnant, and she lives with me. I don't want to hurt her, and I know that breaking up with her now could be one of the worst things possible for her, yet I am very unhappy and have been for some time.

 

I know the pregnancy is not the reason for me feeling like this. I started to feel this way before she became pregnant, but it wasnt a strong feeling, the feeling has just grown and grown.

 

Some of you may say that I should have broke it off before she came pregnant. That may be true, but the fact is that I did not, and what ifs and buts will not change how the situation is right now.

 

I really feel awful, i hate feeling this way and I dont know what to do. The last thing that I want to do is to hurt her because she is an amazing girl.

 

Why do I feel this way and what should i do.

 

 

As a woman i would want you to tell me how you felt straight away!! I think you just need to sit down and tell her everything, i know you feel bad coz she's pregnant but it has to be done. Just tell her!!

[funt 10]

If i'm honest you're being a tool. If you we realising you "disliked" her bfore the pregnancy then why procreate with her in the first instance.

 

Or is it just a little resentment at perhaps losing a little independence and freedom.

 

I have explained this in post 12. But I do agree that i am a tool. I fully accept all responsibility with how i have dealt with this, or not dealt with it as the case may be.

 

Claire - I do love her, but not as a partner. I do not see her in that way any more for whatever reason.

 

I may be coming across as a real loser here, I know that, but i am trying to be completely honest with you all in order to paint the picture and get the best advice i can.

 

I care more about her than i do about myself, which is one of the reasons why this is so hard for me. The last thing i want to do is hurt her, but it looks like no matter what decision i make, she will end up hurt one way or another.