NickyBram Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 hi there i'm going through a really hard time at the moment and i think i need some help. my now ex-fiance has been violent for about a year now and it was getting worse and worse until january when he left bruises and his fingernails left cuts on my body. i called the police and he was arrested, and given a warning. we split for months during which time he went to a short anger management course. my family and friends were shocked and upset, and naturally very disgusted towards him and never wanted me to go near him again. but i was stupid and foolish and i believed him when he said he was sorry because i'm so in love with him. we had a row about a month ago and he chased me down the stairs and i fell. i didn't tell anyone. then we were constantly rowing and i was so afraid of upsetting him and loved going to work to get away. almost a week ago i mustered up the courage to tell him it was over. i can't live like this anymore, and he went mad. he locked all the doors and windows and took away my keys and phone. he pinned my arms above my head and was screaming, then started knocking me to the floor when i tried to stand. i crawled to the window and he threw me across the room by my neck. i smacked my head into the corner of the radiator. then when i fell on the floor he stood on my back and kicked my head into the floor and i was knocked out for a few seconds. then when i was crying and screaming he clamped his hand over my mouth. i couldn't breathe because me nose was clogged from crying. a couple of hours i managed to escape and ran down the street with no shoes on to a payphone to call the police. they arrested him again and charged him and now he's going to court. the police had to call an ambulance because i was so pale and vomitting and my head was pounding. i had to have a ct scan because of a head injury. i was sat at a+e all alone for hours. the doctor had tears in her eyes when she came to see me. i was so alone and felt like i had nothing left. i felt totally worthless and alone and empty. i didn't know who to call because i hadn't told me family i was seeing him again and they'd have gone mad. i felt like i'd lost all my friends because i'd taken him back. now i just feel so lost. i do everything slowly to fill up empty time. going to bed on my own is horrible, i feel so lonely and lost. i keep getting tearful over nothing but i don't want to call people and disrupt their lives. i've got an appointment with victim support but it's over a week away. i feel like i'm just left to cope with this and i don't know how. :''( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessica23 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Hi Nicky, Have you tried calling your family? You shouldn't be going through this alone! If you really don't want to call them, you could try the Samaritans or the Domestic Violence Helpline run by Women's Aid. The Samaritans are on 08457 90 90 90 and the helpline is 0800 2000 247 - there'll be a friendly voice on the end of the line there. I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience. Sending you a virtual hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john t Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Tell your family and friends whats happened, we all make mistakes in life,! Seems you have learned the hard way, and i'm sorry for that.. Your true friends will be understanding and hopefully will lend you the shoulder you need to cry on, if not, then they are not true friends.! John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_hearts Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 You shouldn't be afraid to call people- you won't be disrupting their lives. You should be honest about what it happened- people who care will probably be temporarily be upset with you for going back to the situation. If someone is violent or controlling, they will try their best to cut you off from everyone, but you need to try and get back in contact with your family and get support. It can be hard to leave a situation like that, but you need to get away completely and don't look back no matter how many times he crys and says he is sorry. If you go back to him and he gets violent again, you might not survive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gannon Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 The next time, he might kill you...Your choice. Weather that be through violence or chasing you and you trip and break your neck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazzler4 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Hey Nicky. Everyone will have an oppinion and tell you what they would do if they were "in your shoes". outside looking in, it is indeed very easy to say that they would walk away at the first sign and never turn back. Until you experience for yourself (which i have) it is impossible to know how difficult it is, because with all your heart if you love that person you want to believe them when they say sorry and it will never happen again. It is a horrible horrible thing to be going through but you have come out of the worst of it now. As much as you may not like the idea, i think you should go back to those that walked away from you, in all honesty they may be mad at you for not listening to them but ultimately i am sure that would not want you to go through this alone. is there a restraining order in place now? if not then you should get one. Remember you have been strong enough to say that its over, you just need to say strong a little longer. You will get through this and you will be happy again. Its just going to take a little time. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minimo Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Oh that's just so awful, I am so sorry you have had such a bad time. But you aren't really alone, you have friends and family. Do you really think they will turn their backs on you because you made a mistake? Please call them. You have to be really strong now and not let this man back into your life, no matter how much he cries and swears it will never happen again, because it will if you give him the chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salome Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Please tell your family and friends. You are not the first to go optimistically back into an abusive relationship and you won't, unfortunately, be the last. I am sure you will get all the support you need and they will be so hurt if you don't tell them. I too am sending you a big hug and all best wishes for the future! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plekhanov Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Sheffield Domestic Abuse Forum has advice on how deal with the situation you are in and lots of links to organisations that may be able to give you more specific support, advice and help in other ways. It's most unlikely you've lost your friends and family for good, most people realise that love can lead people to do foolish things. Please just let this be the last foolish thing love leads you to do as regards this particular man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tizhimi Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 family is family. you should call them and tell them - they'll be fuming at HIM. not you. Family love you dearly and will always be there for you. Be strong, be calm and go to your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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