Murder at the gas works.

[coyleys 10]

Well, here is my attempt at this month’s theme. I haven’t strictly adhered to the three elements, but then again, conformity has never been one of my strong points.

However, a word of warning, according to the wife, I am not a very romantic person; I cannot think how she came to that conclusion. Why, only last Valentine’s Day I bought her a new ironing board.

I suppose there is just no pleasing some women.

Anyway, I was going to call it “A rose by any other name” (Just to annoy Mantas) but decided on “Murder at the gas works” I think you will agree, a more apt title.

Enjoy my little enigma.

 

http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1235435319.doc

[Mantaspook 14]

Anyway, I was going to call it “A rose by any other name” (Just to annoy Mantas) but decided on “Murder at the gas works” I think you will agree, a more apt title.

 

Mr Coyley’s enigmatic, self depreciating humour, and the choice of the perfect title for this work brightened my day like a shaft of sunlight on a wet Wednesday.

 

On a totally unrelated matter, police investigating the mysterious disappearance of the English language today arrested a 65 year old eccentric millionaire from the Retford area…

[coyleys 10]

Mr Coyley’s enigmatic, self depreciating humour, and the choice of the perfect title for this work brightened my day like a shaft of sunlight on a wet Wednesday.

 

On a totally unrelated matter, police investigating the mysterious disappearance of the English language today arrested a 65 year old eccentric millionaire from the Retford area…

 

Cheers for that Mantas, But I think you mean “a 55 year old eccentric pauper from the Retford area…” “None taken”

[Ron Blanco 10]

A beautiful story, Coyleys. Very romantic, very moving.

 

It has left me smiling, and feeling very appreciative of my woman.

 

[Kaimani 10]

love the dialogue. brilliant. you got that on lock. my weakest point i think. must get hnts from you. you pulled off the love scene i think. can be very tricky i'm sure you know. the sixth sense thing when the guy knock at the dood and she realises archie wasn't home is a master stroke. good work

[Tallyman 10]

Coyleys

 

A lovely story, and a very moving one. Well done

 

For me, stories are like seeing a painting at an art gallery: there's the effect it has on you when you first set eyes on it, and then the greater appreciation you have when you've studied the detail and seen the techniques of the artist.

 

While I could offer some feedback on details of your writing style, I was immediately overwhelmed by your story's effect. It brought a tear to my eye, and was a wonderfully sweet tale. You've used humour effectively to bring characters to life and make us care more about them, so that when things go wrong, we care more.

 

A lovely piece

[Tallyman 10]

love the dialogue. brilliant. you got that on lock. my weakest point i think. must get hnts from you. you pulled off the love scene i think. can be very tricky i'm sure you know. the ...... is a master stroke. good work

 

Kaimani

 

Thank you for entering into the spirit of the group by offering positive feedback as well as submitting your own writing. It's what we all appreciate very much.

 

Could I offer one piece of advice though:

 

Please bear in mind that some members may be reading the comments on the thread before actually reading the story we're talking about, and so try not to give any important bits of the story away in your comments. If that's impossible, could you put a big Spoiler alert at the top of your post, so that people know you're going to reveal something about the story!

 

Thank you, and please keep posting your feedback

Edited March 1, 2009 by Tallyman

[coyleys 10]

While I could offer some feedback on details of your writing style,

 

Tally, Please, Please do, any comments good or bad, are most grateful, I know it has been said; that I am guilty of the use of archaic words, but I find them very expressive. That what comes with reading to many of the great classics.

It was supposed to be a day off today, but just got in, so Ron and Falls will have to wait for their comments.

Cheers to all

[Mantaspook 14]

I am guilty of the use of archaic words, but I find them very expressive.

 

I was under the impression that Coyleys & Ron Blanco had a bet going to see who can get the most arcane word into a story.

 

Ragamuffin? - I was absolutely discombobulated when I read that.

[Tallyman 10]

I was under the impression that Coyleys & Ron Blanco had a bet going to see who can get the most arcane word into a story.

 

Ragamuffin? - I was absolutely discombobulated when I read that.

 

I'll have a fiver on Coyleys to win by a nose, especially if he can tell me what callipygian means

[Falls 10]

Hi, Coyleys,

 

I thought this was one of your best stories yet, and we both know there has been some great ones in the past.

 

I thought you brought all the elements together beautifully. A great piece of work.

 

Regards

[Mantaspook 14]

I'll have a fiver on Coyleys to win by a nose, especially if he can tell me what callipygian means

 

I'd be tempted to say it’s a noun, as in : "Sir, you are a complete and utter callipygian!"