What do you think of this poem?

[Guest Cutglass]

succinct reply Owdlad

[TimmyR 10]

It was never meant to be anything else

[LoopyLou 10]

Originally posted by tim_rutter

Ha ha ha ha! I wrote it in order to mock the general rubbishness of the poetry on http://www.poetry.com. There is really the most unbelievable collection of bilge on there. I wrote several others too. For each poem I received a letter saying I had been entered into a prize draw and that I could be published (if I bought the commemorative bowl for $28 ). I believe sarcasm is lost on americans.

 

Fantastic ------ loving it !!

[BoppinBruce 10]

Now THIS is a poem

 

Yesterday morning as I was waiting for a letter in the post

I soft boiled an egg and made soldiers out of toast

I usually

Have muesli

[saxon51 10]

And I reply thus…

 

My ears thus far

With tempered sounds

They are completely

Without joys

Like rain-soaked earth

No substance held

Upon a clouded veil

Of broken themes

Which child-like tap

Not utter truths

But utter crap.

 

Amen and druce!

 

Or to put it bluntly.....DRIVEL!!

[saxon51 10]

Originally posted by tim_rutter

Testing the pages,

I feel they are warm,

Lubricated with a transparent layer of oxygen,

I try to look on, seething.

 

Grab my arm!

It falls away like a broken cup handle.

It's OK I have another.

 

Load, reload, heavy load.

 

I say they are Fresh,

But they bow like an inconsiderate child.

 

I here him say:

"Only those who try can fail."

 

I get it now!

 

It's about a bloke who's trying to tear a telephone directory in half..............isn't it?

[LordSnooty 10]

There is a God - a rubbish poetry strand! Clear a space everyone, Lord Snooty is in his element. Here's a short 'haiku' poem I made up last year. (Except it doesn't follow the rules of haiku at all. It's authentic in every other aspect, though). It's called 'The First Pie Of Winter'. Goes like this....

 

After many months of dieting

through a summer marred by rioting

I turned once more to pie-eating

[LordSnooty 10]

Hey Tim, your bilge is tremendous - I congratulate you. Several years ago I had the misfortune to live near Scunthorpe. One of the few compensations of life there was the 'Poetry Corner' section of the Scunthorpe Evening Telegraph, which was filled with the most feeble minded drivel as yet conceived by man, or woman. My favourite crap poem was called 'They Flew By Night' and was penned by an old Flight Lieutenant whose name escapes me. (Respect to all our WW2 servicemen and women, incidentally). The opening line was, 'They flew by night, but mostly by day....' In other words, 'They Flew By Day' didn't they? Made me larf anyway.

 

There were also lots of infantile entries by one P Catt, along the lines of:

 

Sun sun sun!

Let's have fun!

Rain rain rain!

What a pain!

Snow snow snow!

Cold winds blow! etc etc

 

How could I not send in my own crap poetry under daft names? More to follow......

[LordSnooty 10]

BoppinBruce, what a superb rhyme - 'usually'/'muesli' - I am humbled. Anyway, I bombarded Poetry Corner with dozens of crap poems, none of which were published, though that seems too grand a word. All of these gems are sadly lost to the nation, except one.......'Autumn'.......by Randalph Phipps, DSO.

 

It is autumn again

A brown time of year

All the leaves are falling

The trees are looking queer

All that sweeping up

It's such a waste of time

Come the winds, and more will fall

Fall at autumn time

 

Where do the squirrels hide?

Where do the sparrows roost?

Meanwhile, we're all warm inside

With the sunday roast

The shrub beside my window

Is now completely bare

Except for just one lickle leaf

Hanging on in there

 

Soon it will be Bonfire Night

Gunpowder, treason, plot

Then it will be winter

Welcome it will be - not

Soon the old folks start to grumble

As their old bones start to crumble

When the chill breeze

Penetrates my pensioner's knees

Then I won't be able to sweep

Autumn's leaves

 

 

I rest my case, your honour................

[leddi 10]

Absolutely hillarious LOL, me and my sister are crying with laughter, i love crap poetry.. especially in songs (crap artist, no talent etc etc). Currently working in scunthorpe i shall have to check out that publication!!

 

I love poetry corner in 'private eye' they are of coarse supposed to be a joke.. one of my personnal favorites was "Nanny in the Wind" after the louise woodward 'trial' in america, best line ever "you live your life like a nanny in the wind" I still laugh about it 8 yrs on (p.s i fully understand the circumstances of the trial were not funny).

[LordSnooty 10]

A few weeks after I gave up sending unsolicited rubbish poems to the Scunthorpe Evening Telegraph, I went to a party and met a chap there called Ian somebody, who was the crime reporter for the very same newspaper. I told him about my attempts to infiltrate Poetry Corner and he confessed to me that HE was P.Catt, and had been sending his child-like rhymes down the print queue for months, without anyone realising they were not genuine! 'Crestfallen' hardly begins to cover how I felt.......I was a broken man.......luckily, a large plate of hash cakes was handed 'round shortly after this revelation, and my life could begin again........

[LordSnooty 10]

Leddi - you and your sister are true connoisseurs. I'll have to check out Private Eye's Poetry Corner again, 'Nanny in the Wind' sounds fantastic. How's your piano playing going?

 

PS Note to all crap poetry lovers - have you heard the Hancock's Half Hour called 'The Poetry Society', a radio show from 1959, I think? It's the Holy Grail of crap poetry.