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One of my favourite poems is 'Dig My Parrot's Head Up Please!'

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My fave crap poet of all time must be an old man in my dad's village who started churning out bilge in his dotage - and then going on to congratulate himself in verse for his new found "talent." Hence:

 

"I never thought that I would be,

A geriatric prodigy"

 

Another sterling example of his poetry was a work -'a farmer's diet' or something where he extolled in verse the virtues of stuffing your face for health reasons.

 

"If you feel weak at the knees,

Cut yourself a piece of cheese"

 

That type of thing. Amazing.

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I didnt realise bad poetry was so popular! Maybe we should set up a society? Discuss the ramblings of crud poets the world over! The Crud Poets Society

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Originally posted by tim_rutter

Ha ha ha ha! :hihi: I wrote it in order to mock the general rubbishness of the poetry on http://www.poetry.com. There is really the most unbelievable collection of bilge on there. I wrote several others too. For each poem I received a letter saying I had been entered into a prize draw and that I could be published (if I bought the commemorative bowl for $28 ). I believe sarcasm is lost on americans. Here's another seeing as the first was received so well:

 

Limphatic Blisks

 

I have no tree, falling free.

It is a wondrous plank.

Where the piece?

How, the blow mowers plow so slow.

Whenceforth my lady, I have no tree.

The tree is so plain.

Keeping the plentitude gravely.

It is a wondrous plank.

The cotton growers play like a morph.

Keeping slow, the blinkered masseees.

I have no tree.

The last of my pleas is to slow the masseees.

Repeat until tired.

 

 

They're all mad!!!! :loopy:

 

Tim

 

....or you could just put a bunch of random words in a few sentences and submit that, that would probably win awards!

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Spike Milligan - "Silly Verse, For Kids"

Best crap poem book I ever read!

 

You got to get a copy if you like crap poems :D

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Two bites of the cherry

 

Vanessa, you are so much better than Tessa

Wyatt and why not

And Holly couldn't hold your brolly

And this UN Ambassador with the long first name

Will never achieve your fame

Mike was your dad, he wasn't bad

With his dusters, in The Dambusters

With his bouncing bomb

and much aplomp

and when you die we will see the acting blood you gave

at least it will then be a Redgrave

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The Shortest Poem Ever Written

 

I

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Originally posted by LordSnooty

BoppinBruce, what a superb rhyme - 'usually'/'muesli' - I am humbled. Anyway, I bombarded Poetry Corner with dozens of crap poems, none of which were published, though that seems too grand a word. All of these gems are sadly lost to the nation, except one.......'Autumn'.......by Randalph Phipps, DSO.

 

It is autumn again

A brown time of year

All the leaves are falling

The trees are looking queer

All that sweeping up

It's such a waste of time

Come the winds, and more will fall

Fall at autumn time

 

Where do the squirrels hide?

Where do the sparrows roost?

Meanwhile, we're all warm inside

With the sunday roast

The shrub beside my window

Is now completely bare

Except for just one lickle leaf

Hanging on in there

 

Soon it will be Bonfire Night

Gunpowder, treason, plot

Then it will be winter

Welcome it will be - not

Soon the old folks start to grumble

As their old bones start to crumble

When the chill breeze

Penetrates my pensioner's knees

Then I won't be able to sweep

Autumn's leaves

 

 

I rest my case, your honour................

 

More please LordSnooty, more! You have a fan club out here. Don't stop! I'm hysterical with laugher. Please give us another gem, please!

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Well!

 

dig my parrot's head up, please,

and while you're at it,

grind some cheese,

try hard for years and even then,

you won't turn out

like 'Fingers Ken'.

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or:

 

Very.

 

Happy lanterns shaking soft

Discarded books lay in a loft

Forever dancing lonely owl

In dreamless sleep, so bad: so foul.

 

Spanish sunset, golden warm

Peasants mingle by a farm

Endless roadway, steaming heat

Battered sandals on sockless feet.

 

These two poems are available for reading in my Spring Collection.

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Gosh, thanks redrobbo. I'm afraid I have no more in the vaults - no, hang on, I did write a poem after meeting what much surely be the world's most boring man a few years ago. When I've finished tiling this bleeding floor I'll check out the archives. I'm sure I have the original parchment somewhere. Tiling is rubbish - if only I hadn't got drunk and sacked all my servants...

 

Don Kiddick - I will definately check out the Spike Milligan book, it sounds great. I heard one of his 'throwaways' on the radio recently and it was genius...Eddie Izzard was reading it, it was about a conversation between one man dying from drowning and another man dying from a disease. I can't remember who died first, but it was hilarious and extremely clever. Is it in the book, by any chance?

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Originally posted by Sam Miguel

Forever dancing lonely owl

 

Now I know I've got a heart, because it's breaking....

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