Sam Miguel   10 #25 Posted April 7, 2005 One of my favourite poems is 'Dig My Parrot's Head Up Please!' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Sheffette   10 #26 Posted April 7, 2005 My fave crap poet of all time must be an old man in my dad's village who started churning out bilge in his dotage - and then going on to congratulate himself in verse for his new found "talent." Hence:  "I never thought that I would be, A geriatric prodigy"  Another sterling example of his poetry was a work -'a farmer's diet' or something where he extolled in verse the virtues of stuffing your face for health reasons.  "If you feel weak at the knees, Cut yourself a piece of cheese"  That type of thing. Amazing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
TimmyR Â Â 10 #27 Posted April 7, 2005 I didnt realise bad poetry was so popular! Maybe we should set up a society? Discuss the ramblings of crud poets the world over! The Crud Poets Society Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
nicnic   10 #28 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by tim_rutter Ha ha ha ha! I wrote it in order to mock the general rubbishness of the poetry on http://www.poetry.com. There is really the most unbelievable collection of bilge on there. I wrote several others too. For each poem I received a letter saying I had been entered into a prize draw and that I could be published (if I bought the commemorative bowl for $28 ). I believe sarcasm is lost on americans. Here's another seeing as the first was received so well:  Limphatic Blisks  I have no tree, falling free. It is a wondrous plank. Where the piece? How, the blow mowers plow so slow. Whenceforth my lady, I have no tree. The tree is so plain. Keeping the plentitude gravely. It is a wondrous plank. The cotton growers play like a morph. Keeping slow, the blinkered masseees. I have no tree. The last of my pleas is to slow the masseees. Repeat until tired.   They're all mad!!!!  Tim  ....or you could just put a bunch of random words in a few sentences and submit that, that would probably win awards! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Don_Kiddick   11 #29 Posted April 8, 2005 Spike Milligan - "Silly Verse, For Kids" Best crap poem book I ever read!  You got to get a copy if you like crap poems Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
BoppinBruce   10 #30 Posted April 8, 2005 Two bites of the cherry  Vanessa, you are so much better than Tessa Wyatt and why not And Holly couldn't hold your brolly And this UN Ambassador with the long first name Will never achieve your fame Mike was your dad, he wasn't bad With his dusters, in The Dambusters With his bouncing bomb and much aplomp and when you die we will see the acting blood you gave at least it will then be a Redgrave Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
TimmyR   10 #31 Posted April 8, 2005 The Shortest Poem Ever Written  I Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
redrobbo   10 #32 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by LordSnooty BoppinBruce, what a superb rhyme - 'usually'/'muesli' - I am humbled. Anyway, I bombarded Poetry Corner with dozens of crap poems, none of which were published, though that seems too grand a word. All of these gems are sadly lost to the nation, except one.......'Autumn'.......by Randalph Phipps, DSO.  It is autumn again A brown time of year All the leaves are falling The trees are looking queer All that sweeping up It's such a waste of time Come the winds, and more will fall Fall at autumn time  Where do the squirrels hide? Where do the sparrows roost? Meanwhile, we're all warm inside With the sunday roast The shrub beside my window Is now completely bare Except for just one lickle leaf Hanging on in there  Soon it will be Bonfire Night Gunpowder, treason, plot Then it will be winter Welcome it will be - not Soon the old folks start to grumble As their old bones start to crumble When the chill breeze Penetrates my pensioner's knees Then I won't be able to sweep Autumn's leaves   I rest my case, your honour................  More please LordSnooty, more! You have a fan club out here. Don't stop! I'm hysterical with laugher. Please give us another gem, please! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Sam Miguel   10 #33 Posted April 8, 2005 Well!  dig my parrot's head up, please, and while you're at it, grind some cheese, try hard for years and even then, you won't turn out like 'Fingers Ken'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Sam Miguel   10 #34 Posted April 8, 2005 or:  Very.  Happy lanterns shaking soft Discarded books lay in a loft Forever dancing lonely owl In dreamless sleep, so bad: so foul.  Spanish sunset, golden warm Peasants mingle by a farm Endless roadway, steaming heat Battered sandals on sockless feet.  These two poems are available for reading in my Spring Collection. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
LordSnooty   10 #35 Posted April 8, 2005 Gosh, thanks redrobbo. I'm afraid I have no more in the vaults - no, hang on, I did write a poem after meeting what much surely be the world's most boring man a few years ago. When I've finished tiling this bleeding floor I'll check out the archives. I'm sure I have the original parchment somewhere. Tiling is rubbish - if only I hadn't got drunk and sacked all my servants...  Don Kiddick - I will definately check out the Spike Milligan book, it sounds great. I heard one of his 'throwaways' on the radio recently and it was genius...Eddie Izzard was reading it, it was about a conversation between one man dying from drowning and another man dying from a disease. I can't remember who died first, but it was hilarious and extremely clever. Is it in the book, by any chance? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
LordSnooty   10 #36 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Sam Miguel Forever dancing lonely owl  Now I know I've got a heart, because it's breaking.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...