Solutions to family problem...

[gravey boat 10]

I didn't really get to grips with what your sister's bloke was saying there, it really confused m! WOuld be controversial if I said I feel for him a bit. He sounds totally stuck in the middle. That said, there could be a whole lot more to this than I could know.

[cloudybay 17]

right, my sisters bloke has been invited down south to his sisters suprise retirement party.his other sister{who my sister does not get on with} has invited him but has told him only he can go and not my sister because it is only close family and freinds and thaqt her partner is not going either. my sister thiks this is abit and is hurt.

 

 

who is right?

my sister or her bloke.

is she being touchy in feeling hurt or is he a git for not showing loyality...what would you do?

 

 

Treat this sad and sorry debacle with the contempt it deserves, in other words, ignore.

 

Why would you want to associate with those whom appear to have the intelligence and social skills of small children squabbling in a school playground?

 

Family is not a reason. It's an excuse.

[Dozy 11]

my sisters boyfriend thinks i have written biassedly in favour of my sister so these are his words exactly just to even it up a little.

 

"i came home and told XXX{my sister} that i had been invited to my older sisters suprise retirement party and that i had already decline the offer because XXX{my sis} had asked for a reason as to my not going which was that it would caurse relationship problems between xxx and myself and to show support for xxx. xxx then said that i should go and kept on insisiting, then saying that i am glad i am not going cos xxx would feel hurt.

that should have been the end of tht particular story but xxx kept on differing between and changing the plot and changed the fact that i had declined into accepting, eventually, after much persuation, i agreed to go down and accept the invitation, then, xxx decided that it ws a real mean thing that i had intended to accept the invitaion and go the party in any caase".

 

 

these are his exact words in which he has just spoken to me, please make of them what you will.

 

Well, if he had declined the offer so as not to upset your sister, then she said he should go, I don't see what she's got to complain about. She's either changed her mind or was just playing at silly buggers, hoping that he'd decline despite her encouragement, either way it's her own fault he did accept the invitation. If she can't say what she really means, or keeps changing her mind, that's her problem, not his.

 

I do feel sorry for the poor man, because now she seems to be be dragging you into the discussion, when it should be between the two of them.

[catzeyesF 10]

Sounds like stirring to me, Ruth. But the best way to deflect the snub is for your sis to act as though it doesn't bother her at all. ShinyPurple has it all figured out and that is exactly how I would handle it. If your sis does as SP suggests, it will probably irk the **** ******* no end and that is the best revenge.

 

yeh agree with that. Don't let her get between your sis and her man.

[lyndix 10]

I agree with Dozy, the lad can`t do right for wrong can he?

[Alien 10]

Right on Dozy.

 

Smacks of manipulation and game playing.

[whitewitch 10]

If my family did not invite my partner then I wouldnt go myself, I think I would be very uncomfortable even telling my partner that he wasnt invited.

[xruthx 10]

to be honest, i am fed up with the whole thing, i know what a shi*e stirring cow his sister is.

it is hard to try to see reason on both sides, if it was me in that situation then i would not even think about going because i would know how upset the oh would be.

i think what has upset my sister the most is that he has said to his sister that he is not going because it would cause trouble between him and my sister rather than saying that he is not going because my sis is not invited, it gives off the impression that he wants to go but my sis won't let him without givin him eaache.

 

me personally, i think his sister is stirring the pot, she knows that it would cause hurt just to invite him and not her and i think the thing she said about her other half is a pretense.

 

what is close family then, if not my sis n her bloke who are living together and planning their wedding?

 

the whole thing stinks of bull poo and i feel for my sis who is at the end of her thether with it all, she feels on edge anyway as his sis has stuck her nose in when they split up a few months ago. they have never even seen each other but despite attempts on my sisiters part to be civil, it has been met by uppity ignorance on her part.

 

 

i cannot wait to emigrate...then leave em all to do what they bloody like.

[Kashul 10]

I have been in a slightly similar situ.

 

My OH is a fair bit older than me, I get on very very well with his son and have spoken to his ex on the phone several times and always felt we had an understanding. They had been separated for 20 years when we met.

 

I learnt a few years back though that I am not tolerated even though they were living together for 2 years and we have been together for 15 years !!!

 

My 'step son' got married and I was banned from attending, but it didnt worry me in the least, sometimes it is better to let families do their thing together, I didnt want to upset my step son or cause any ill feeling at their do so I was happy for OH to go without me.

 

There has since been a baby who I love dearly and have spent time with but it has been made clear to me that I wont be invited to any 'family' events around her, thats ok too...I am really not bothered, when he is off doing his thing with them, (usually overnight as its quite a way from here) I just get a take away, light some candles and have a lovely loooooooooong soak and a pamper night.

[Cyclone 10]

my sisters boyfriend thinks i have written biassedly in favour of my sister so these are his words exactly just to even it up a little.

 

"i came home and told XXX{my sister} that i had been invited to my older sisters suprise retirement party and that i had already decline the offer because XXX{my sis} had asked for a reason as to my not going which was that it would caurse relationship problems between xxx and myself and to show support for xxx. xxx then said that i should go and kept on insisiting, then saying that i am glad i am not going cos xxx would feel hurt.

that should have been the end of tht particular story but xxx kept on differing between and changing the plot and changed the fact that i had declined into accepting, eventually, after much persuation, i agreed to go down and accept the invitation, then, xxx decided that it ws a real mean thing that i had intended to accept the invitaion and go the party in any caase".

 

 

these are his exact words in which he has just spoken to me, please make of them what you will.

 

Your sister is called XXX. That's harsh.

I'm very confused, is xxx different to XXX.

In the section in bold, is that xxx referring to two different people?

[Cyclone 10]

to be honest, i am fed up with the whole thing, i know what a shi*e stirring cow his sister is.

it is hard to try to see reason on both sides, if it was me in that situation then i would not even think about going because i would know how upset the oh would be.

i think what has upset my sister the most is that he has said to his sister that he is not going because it would cause trouble between him and my sister rather than saying that he is not going because my sis is not invited, it gives off the impression that he wants to go but my sis won't let him without givin him eaache.

 

me personally, i think his sister is stirring the pot, she knows that it would cause hurt just to invite him and not her and i think the thing she said about her other half is a pretense.

 

what is close family then, if not my sis n her bloke who are living together and planning their wedding?

 

the whole thing stinks of bull poo and i feel for my sis who is at the end of her thether with it all, she feels on edge anyway as his sis has stuck her nose in when they split up a few months ago. they have never even seen each other but despite attempts on my sisiters part to be civil, it has been met by uppity ignorance on her part.

 

 

i cannot wait to emigrate...then leave em all to do what they bloody like.

 

Has he tried phoning another family member and asking who else is invited?

Seems pretty obvious, if my sister said something similar to me, I'd phone my brother and ask if his wife had been invited.

[xruthx 10]

Has he tried phoning another family member and asking who else is invited?

Seems pretty obvious, if my sister said something similar to me, I'd phone my brother and ask if his wife had been invited.

 

 

 

he is not prepred to do this because he accepts that what his sister is saying is truth.

the trouble now is my sis is torn either way, if he goes, she will feel hurt at the lack of loyalty but if he does not go then he will resent her and it will give his sister ammunition against her.