Solutions to family problem...

[Ms Macbeth 73]

I have been in a slightly similar situ.

 

My OH is a fair bit older than me, I get on very very well with his son and have spoken to his ex on the phone several times and always felt we had an understanding. They had been separated for 20 years when we met.

 

I learnt a few years back though that I am not tolerated even though they were living together for 2 years and we have been together for 15 years !!!

 

My 'step son' got married and I was banned from attending, but it didnt worry me in the least, sometimes it is better to let families do their thing together, I didnt want to upset my step son or cause any ill feeling at their do so I was happy for OH to go without me.

 

There has since been a baby who I love dearly and have spent time with but it has been made clear to me that I wont be invited to any 'family' events around her, thats ok too...I am really not bothered, when he is off doing his thing with them, (usually overnight as its quite a way from here) I just get a take away, light some candles and have a lovely loooooooooong soak and a pamper night.

 

Sounds like you''ve got it all sussed. Pity your OH's ex hasn't! The bitterness of some people is pathetic, and has such a negative effect on their own lives. 15+ years on and she still hasn't moved on.

[Kashul 10]

Oh the best of it is that my step sons daughter spent the first two years hating me as she felt that I had caused her mans mum and dad to divorce !!

 

Shes right, I did, after 20 odd years apart my OH met me and wanted to marry me...Sorry bout that haha

 

Shes relatively ok with me now though as she has fallen out with the mother in law...lmfao

[willman 10]

Can i just make a quick point relating to the title - none of the alternatives are right. It's just that one of them will be more acceptable.

[xruthx 10]

Can i just make a quick point relating to the title - none of the alternatives are right. It's just that one of them will be more acceptable.

 

good point, could you amend the thread title to a more appropriate please?

[willman 10]

good point, could you amend the thread title to a more appropriate please?

 

Well i didn't want an argument to develop over who is and isn't right,

[xruthx 10]

Well i didn't want an argument to develop over who is and isn't right,

 

 

where my name is mentioned it probably will, i can evoke some quite powerful responses.

 

 

besides, recently everyone on here seems to have swallowed a bitter pill, where has all the love gone:hihi:

[willman 10]

I've got potentially similar issues in the future. My sister ran off with another bloke. I have no issue with the other bloke , however her ex is a close friend of ours (after 25 years he would be).

So if we want to celebrate as a family who do we invite?

The children live with the Dad btw.

[xruthx 10]

I've got potentially similar issues in the future. My sister ran off with another bloke. I have no issue with the other bloke , however her ex is a close friend of ours (after 25 years he would be).

So if we want to celebrate as a family who do we invite?

The children live with the Dad btw.

 

 

if it was me personally, i would invite both parties but have stern words with both of them first, if one of them felt they could not attend you should be rest assured that you treat them both fairly...

 

families eh:rolleyes:

[willman 10]

if it was me personally, i would invite both parties but have stern words with both of them first, if one of them felt they could not attend you should be rest assured that you treat them both fairly...

 

families eh:rolleyes:

 

I did that for our wedding anniversary - fortunately it was only 2 weeks after the split - so the other party didn't have the bottle. The akward thing is - i'm unsure if the rest of the family would attend if he did.(But i'm sure i'll resolve it before New Years Eve.)

[xruthx 10]

I did that for our wedding anniversary - fortunately it was only 2 weeks after the split - so the other party didn't have the bottle. The akward thing is - i'm unsure if the rest of the family would attend if he did.(But i'm sure i'll resolve it before New Years Eve.)

 

it reaaly is awful is'nt it when you are in a no win situation. hopefully it will right itself for you......hoping it does anyway. good luck!

[ShinyPurple 10]

As I see it:

 

It should all be about the sister who is retiring. The bloke should consider her feelings when he decides whether or not to go and your sister should make some gesture - even if it's just a card saying "I'm sorry I couldn't be there. Enjoy your retirement."

 

Your sister has to come to terms with the fact that this is his family and they're unlikely to change. If it were me I'd be nice ....the worse the nasty sister gets, the nicer I'd be....so nice it makes your teeth hurt ...the nasty sister will hate it

 

The family will be aware of what the nasty sister is like so if your sister behaves with dignity and rises above any disputes, it will work in her favour. Eventually, the family will rise to her defence when the nasty sister is around. However if your sister goes in with all guns blazing, the family are more likely to think "Oh, they're as bad as each other!" and leave your sister and nasty sister to rip each other to shreds.