Suffragette1 Â Â 10 #61 Posted November 10, 2008 Well, what with fuel poverty I guess if she is hard up it's not unreasonable. Â We have to stump up everything for my in-laws:mad:, including their flights out here from South Africa, all spending money and pick up the tab every time we go out, so be grateful that it isn't a lot worse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
waxonwaxoff   13 #62 Posted November 10, 2008 Well, what with fuel poverty I guess if she is hard up it's not unreasonable. We have to stump up everything for my in-laws:mad:, including their flights out here from South Africa, all spending money and pick up the tab every time we go out, so be grateful that it isn't a lot worse.  You must be mad. I can understand plane tickets maybe but spending money???? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
China-Black   10 #63 Posted November 10, 2008 (edited) ........... Edited March 27, 2009 by China-Black Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
ShinyPurple   10 #64 Posted November 10, 2008 If I keep her here and not let her go, my name is mud for stopping her seeing her grand daughter and all her little family gang up on me I just cant win.  This is a battle you will never win....ever.....ever.....I know  The best way to deal with this situation is to take a step back and let your partner (her son) deal with her - if he wants to give her money (whether you agree or not) let him. His mother = his problem  You should just smile serenely and refuse to be drawn into any arguments. If she's doing this to needle you, she'll find it much harder if you refuse to be needled.  Now remember *deep breath* *serene smile* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Suffragette1 Â Â 10 #65 Posted November 10, 2008 You must be mad. I can understand plane tickets maybe but spending money???? Â Livid. Plus the money they need for day to day living back in South Africa.:rant: They have lived beyond their means all their lives, never saved or made any provision in a country which has no welfare state or safety net. How irresponsible, so now their kids are picking up the tab. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
pk014b7161 Â Â 11 #66 Posted November 10, 2008 Livid. Plus the money they need for day to day living back in South Africa.:rant: They have lived beyond their means all their lives, never saved or made any provision in a country which has no welfare state or safety net. How irresponsible, so now their kids are picking up the tab. if they were mine they would have to work their passage over on a tramp steamer & the same to get back + get a little job whilst staying with us Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Cyclone   10 #67 Posted November 10, 2008 Hi my daughter goes to visit her nanna for the weekend whenever she offers ( she lives about an hour away on the train, I dont drive she does ) She went this weekend, my partner took her ( its his mum ) and she asked ( as always ) for a pack of nappies and wipes, also this time she asked for some money to put on her heating because shell have to have her heating on more while my daughter is there ( she is 18 month ) now I said no way and took the big hump on as this is her grand daughter, so now she is wanting us to stump up for travel, nappies, wipes, her heating, now she is moaning about clothes and food!! am I right in being mad and refusing her demands as this is her grandchild or am I just being mean & tight.  Is she very short of cash? If not then it seems a bit odd. If she is then hopefully you'd already be aware that she was struggling. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Suffragette1 Â Â 10 #68 Posted November 10, 2008 This thread is a sad indictment of how things have changed in this country. Â I have never heard anything like this before. All of my friend's parents love having their grandchildren to stay as do my ex husband's (unfortunately I have lost both my parents). None of them ask for money. Of course you send nappies and other special items. I often send items of food but gift items such as honey, biscuits, cakes etc. Not everyday items. Â My best friend's mum looks after her son after school until she gets home from work. She never asks for any money and she gives him his tea. It gives her pleasure to have her grandchild around and keeps her busy. My friend brings bits around and buys her mum a takeaway from time to time. Â Parents are there to support their children; unfortunately our lives have become so dominated by money that old fashioned family values have gone out of the window. Â I think that is taking the p personally. Parents are not there to act as free childminders and secondary carers for their grandkids. The times when mine (long in the past) had one or both for a weekend allowing me and Mr S a weekend break, although we never paid them as such, we always gave them a pressie from our travels or took them out for a meal etc. One year we sent them on one of those murder mystery weekends as a thank you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
discodown   11 #69 Posted November 10, 2008 We're lucky, my OH's parents take baby disco for a long weekend 4-5 times a year Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
cressida   1,495 #70 Posted November 10, 2008 His side of the family, if I'd have been him I would have sorted out the problem without involving you, he should have asked her what the reasoning was behind all this, and if it was just about heating expenses - he could assist, re the wipes, nappies - take them there. Not worth risking your getting uptight when he could have sorted it himself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Cyclone   10 #71 Posted November 10, 2008 I think that is taking the p personally. Parents are not there to act as free childminders and secondary carers for their grandkids. If they offer and are happy to do so then why shouldn't they. Maybe they enjoy getting to spend that much time with their grandchildren. The times when mine (long in the past) had one or both for a weekend allowing me and Mr S a weekend break, although we never paid them as such, we always gave them a pressie from our travels or took them out for a meal etc. One year we sent them on one of those murder mystery weekends as a thank you. And I'm sure they appreciated it. But that doesn't mean that they wouldn't want to or would object to seeing their grandchildren more often, or that they'd expect a gift if they looked after them for an hour every day. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Suffragette1 Â Â 10 #72 Posted November 10, 2008 If they offer and are happy to do so then why shouldn't they. Maybe they enjoy getting to spend that much time with their grandchildren. And I'm sure they appreciated it. But that doesn't mean that they wouldn't want to or would object to seeing their grandchildren more often, or that they'd expect a gift if they looked after them for an hour every day. Â I think many grandparents are used as a cheap source of childminding and babysitting and dare not refuse offers to help on a regular basis. The scenario Disco describes is somewhat different to having grandkids on a daily and/or weekly basis. I know that should my children ever have kids, much as though I would want to be a hands on grandmother, I would not want the commitment of having to childmind them regularly as that will hopefully be time for me and Mr S to do all the things we want to do and couldn't when we were working and raising a family. Â My parents are pretty crap at having the kids and I seldom ask as they're not really that bothered. My sister on the other hand uses them as free childcare to which they feel unable to say no to given her in-laws also do lots of childminding so my mother feels under pressure and is to some extent competing with the other set of grandparents. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...