7 month old wants to be held constantly and cries a lot

[anniec 10]

I'm starting to get to the end of my tether. Scarlett is whinging constantly and when she's not whinging she's screaming. If I even consider going out of the room (or even out of her line of sight) she's getting herself so upset she's making herself sick.

 

She seems to have a sense of when I'm thinking about going to the loo or to the kitchen and starts accordingly, also if I step toward the door she's freaking out.

 

I thought maybe her mouth was sore so I've given her anbesol for her gums, not much help, I gave her a fruit juice ice lolly to see if that'd help but nope. I tried giving her a wee bit of calpol but nope. She's not sleeping much either. She's off her formula and refuses solids.

 

I don't know what else to do. I can only cuddle her so much but the crying/whinging is wearing me down.

 

Help!!!

[waxonwaxoff 13]

Hi I am having similar with emily at the moment. I think she is teething. She needs to be held all the time and as soon as I think she has nodded off so I can get something done, she wakes up crying again. The only thing keeping me sane is knowing that it wont last for ever. With my others I just found that lots of cuddles and reasurrence and it gradually got better. oh and peekabo gradually getting longer till you get to the boo and sneak for a wee lol. failing that take her for a pee with you.

[steelerbabe 10]

Snap with Rachel, she is ok unless I go out of her sight then she screams.

 

I have been told it might be separation anxiety but not sure what we can do about it.

[loupoppins 10]

Hi, have you thought about carrying her in a slling? There are lots of diffeerent kinds of baby carrier out there that allow you to be totaly hands free so you can get on with stuff, and she gets to be near you at the same time so she is happy. Have a look at http://www.thebabywearer.com for some tips and different kinds of carriers.

Louise

[SpeedDemon 10]

But doesn't that eventually make the seperation harder, when you DO have to leave them, if they've been used to being carried constantly? Can't offer any advice I'm afraid, as I've never had this problem with any of mine. I just hope it's just a phase she will grow out of. Maybe you'll just have to leave her crying. My friends daughter is the same - mine and hers lay on opposite ends of sofa - mine quite happy to just lay there, looking around and smiling at people. Hers will lay for a few minutes then start crying to be picked up. My friend thinks her hubby has caused it by picking her up all the time.

[anniec 10]

I do have a sling already but I'm going back to work in 4 weeks so was trying to break the cycle if I could so it's not tougher than it needs to be.

 

She is probably teething some more (She's got 6 or 7 teeth already) but the anbesol and frozen lollies haven't helped if it is her gums that are sore.

 

She's not just crying when I go out of the room she's crying and or whinging constantly.

[steelerbabe 10]

It sounds like she is teething and feeling a bit off colour after having a bug. I know you are worried about her and about going back to work but I would try to comfort her without spoiling her, maybe reassure her without picking her up ?

 

Not sure hun but sending big hugs to you and your gorgeous girl.

[loupoppins 10]

But doesn't that eventually make the seperation harder, when you DO have to leave them, if they've been used to being carried constantly? Can't offer any advice I'm afraid, as I've never had this problem with any of mine. I just hope it's just a phase she will grow out of. Maybe you'll just have to leave her crying. My friends daughter is the same - mine and hers lay on opposite ends of sofa - mine quite happy to just lay there, looking around and smiling at people. Hers will lay for a few minutes then start crying to be picked up. My friend thinks her hubby has caused it by picking her up all the time.

 

Actually no. research shows that babies who are responded to lovingly, and have their needs met, and are not left to cry , become more confident and independent at a younger age. Leaving a baby to cry and refusing to comfort the baby in a misguided effort not to "spoil" them actually increases the babies anxiety, and either makes the problem worse or causes anxiety or other problems for them as toddlers. It is not possible to "spoil" a 7 month old baby. At this age the baby's needs are the same as his wants and need to be met reliably and consistently to build a foundation of trust that will eventually lead on to confidence and independence. Not all babies have the same needs. Some babies seem to need to be carried a lot ( 3 of mine did) and some seem content from day 1 laying by themselves or playing woth toys etc..for a lot longer.

It is hard to have a baby with high needs - no denying that, and sometimes it isn't possible to meet their needs all the time. You do the best you can. But that is different from deliberately not meeting a baby's needs to avoid "spoiling"them.When it coomes to toddlers, this changes as obviously a toddlers wants (eg a packet of sweets) are not always the same as his needs and this is when they have to begin to learn that lesson, but this is actually made easier if the foundations of trust have already been laid by responsive parenting during the first year.

Speaking here from my my reading of research ( having worked as a Child Psychiatrist) and my own extensive personal experience as a mother of 6 myslef!

Im response to the OP - sorry she is seeming so clingy at the moment - it can be very hard.It sounds as if you are doing a great job in trying to work out what is causing this and how to respond to it. If this out of character for her then I would agree, maybe teeth or a bug.Trust you instincts. No one understands your baby better than you. How is her sleeping? Mine are always more clingy/whiingy when they are tired. Also with regard to going back to work I have ound that this transition is helped more by extra cuddles/carrying etc rather than worrying about cutting back on that. Babies have a wonderful way of adapting to different situations and you will probably find when you are at work she behaves totally differently for her carer and will be fine.

Hope you work something out. Good luck wt the return to work.

[SpeedDemon 10]

It is not possible to "spoil" a 7 month old baby.

 

Obviously mine have all been "non-needy" babies. But how do you explain my friends daughter, who whilst her father was away for 7 weeks, from her being around 8 weeks old, was absolutely settled, but within 2 weeks of him being back and constantly picking her up as soon as she even murmered, cannot now be left alone for more than 5 minutes without screaming? That says to me that he HAS spoilt her.

[SpeedDemon 10]

Leaving a baby to cry and refusing to comfort the baby

 

That's rather harsh. I have never "refused" to comfort my babies. I just don't pander to them every minute of the day. I may not have clinical experience, but I do have 5 kids of my own. I did have one who cried extensively for the first 15 months of his life. It didn't matter WHAT i did, he just cried. All day, every day, almost drove me insane. The rest have all been pretty chilled.

[loupoppins 10]

Sounds like you had a rough 15 months of it - sorry to hear that. Babies who cry a lot for whatever reason are hard work ( I would call that a high needs baby, but I guess you don't) Oh and 5 kids - good for you LOL!

And I never implied that YOU refused to comfort your baby, but some parents do choose not to respond to a baby - for example by doing CIO ( Cry It Out or sleep training) and deliberately leaving the baby to cry without going to comfort them. Not saying you shouldn't do this - everyone has to make their own choice on how to raise heir own children - but just that there is eveidence that doing this raises levels of anxiety in the baby and can make clingyness worse.

As for your freind - If a baby is left to cry and not responded to repeatedly for a length of time they can eventually stop crying - and it may appear as if the leaving them to cry has been successful However there is evidence thatsuggests that this response is due to the beby actually developing what is called"learnedhelplesness"which basically means they learn that no one is coming to help them so they stop trying to get help. Great - you may think - baby stops crying - I can get on, no problem. Unfortunatley however there is evidence that this behaviour is not healthy in the baby - causing increased anxiety and leading to problems with self esteem, confidence and indepenence in toddlerhood and childhood.

All in all parenting is such a minefield and so hard isn't it? I would only ever recomend a new parent to trust there instinct and do what *feels* right *to them* Only they truly no their child, and their unique family situation. I just wish so much that when I had my first son 10 years ago I had NOT listened to all the "don't hold him too much, you'll spoil him" advice. They are little for such a little time I wish I'd made the most of those baby snuggles, and I'm sure he would be a more relaxed and confidnt child if I had.

 

 

 

Leaving a baby to cry and refusing to comfort the baby

 

That's rather harsh. I have never "refused" to comfort my babies. I just don't pander to them every minute of the day. I may not have clinical experience, but I do have 5 kids of my own. I did have one who cried extensively for the first 15 months of his life. It didn't matter WHAT i did, he just cried. All day, every day, almost drove me insane. The rest have all been pretty chilled.

[SpeedDemon 10]

maybe i didnt explain that properly - my friend didnt leave her baby to cry, she was just naturally settled, from her being born. Only when daddy returned and constantly picked her up did she become unsettled. Now she can't leave her without her getting upset.

I guess my son (child number 3) who cried for 15 months was a high needs baby in a way, but I never knew what he wanted. I just presumed he was feeling my stress as the kids dad walked out when he was just 2 weeks old. The other 2 were age 4, and 16 months at the time. I was obviously stressed lol. I lost count of the people who used to say "oh i don't know how you put up with him" Very helpful Then all of a sudden, he just stopped! My only saving grace was he always slept thru the night, from being 4 weeks old.