Autumn

[Tallyman 10]

Any better Tallyman.j

 

Very nice! You've taken out the 'bump' that 'open' seemed to create, and I think the effect is a smoother line.

[jobee 10]

Very nice! You've taken out the 'bump' that 'open' seemed to create, and I think the effect is a smoother line.

 

So there is more 'woody' than open?

[jobee 10]

Yes, Jobees poems are very good.

 

 

I Dont Mind Having A Bad Reputation --As Long As Ive Had The Pleasure Of Earning It.

 

Now that sounds interesting pattricia, it could inspire me to errrrr write something.

[Tallyman 10]

So there is more 'woody' than open?

 

Oh dear, I'm probably going to confuse matters now!

 

Yes, 'there' is more 'woody' than 'open', or that's my feeling anyway. However, that wasn't why I suggested a rethink of the word 'open' in this case...

 

I think I was making two separate points, which I'll try and clarify briefly:

 

The first point was about rhythm. 'Open', with its two syllables, made the rhythm of the line 'hiccup'. The line's rhythm seemed to want 7 syllables rather than 8. By changing 'open' for 'there', you've brought the line down to 7 syllables, which seems to read more smoothly within the rhythm of the rest of the verse.

 

The second point (the 'tinny' and 'woody' notion) was more about the choice of words with which you paint your picture, and the meanings they conjure up, and the emotions they invoke.

 

This is probably a very bad example, but think of building a house. You could divide the process into two main parts: firstly, getting the structure right, so it does its job and doesn't fall down. You'd need solid foundations, strong walls, a decent roof, and all the engineering to make sure it stays up, safe and secure. This is your poem's structure: the verses, the number of lines, the decision to use rhymes, the length of lines and so on.

 

But with the house, then comes the other part - the choice of bricks and tiles, the shapes of the internal rooms, the position of the windows, the decoration, the appointments, all carefully designed to create an atmosphere, invoke emotions, convey a mood. This is the heart of your poem: the choice of the right words, that summon up the mood of your poem, convey its meaning, give it an atmosphere.

 

And, like a building, these two parts are inextricably linked, the one relying on the other. But sometimes it may be helpful to separate structure from content in your mind before bringing them back together.

 

That's probably enough waffling from me!

[jobee 10]

Tallyman, you're well up on the technical side of poetry,do you teach poetry?

 

I've never done a syllable count.

 

Ok, Ive took it all in.Cheers.jobee

[Tallyman 10]

Tallyman, you're well up on the technical side of poetry,do you teach poetry?

 

I've never done a syllable count.

 

Ok, Ive took it all in.Cheers.jobee

 

No, I don't teach poetry, I'm afraid. I don't really have the skill - all I can pass on are the few things I remember from when I studied English literature, and the rest of it is just my opinion, and open to debate!

[Peacock Lady 10]

I've just pointed this out in another thread, but it's copyright infringment (and therefore against the law AND disrespectful to other writers) to quote so much of a poem without the author's permission. I'd advise the OP to edit it out as soon as possible. Sorry to be a wet blanket, but that's the law.

[bassplayer 10]

I Dont Mind Having A Bad Reputation --As Long As Ive Had The Pleasure Of Earning It.

 

Now that sounds interesting pattricia, it could inspire me to errrrr write something.

 

Hmm I have often thought of that one also...but your poems are up my street ....so to say...

[jobee 10]

I Dont Mind Having A Bad Reputation --As Long As Ive Had The Pleasure Of Earning It.

 

 

Hmm I have often thought of that one also...but your poems are up my street ....so to say...

 

Thank you basssplayer.john