"The Family Bed'. What are people's experiences of this?

[Birth-Peace 10]

I have seen a few people mention 'The Family Bed' and I have done some research on it but am still confused.

 

It does go against everything that I've been told about baby sleeping arrangements and baby safety etc.

 

Does anyone have any experiences of 'The Family Bed' or any information on it?

 

Is there any special technique to ensure baby's safety?

 

Tell me everything...

[Saff 10]

Is it something different to the parents' bed? Never heard of it but did have my baby in mine for a long time out of necessity (sleep).

[Birth-Peace 10]

Its about having baby share the parent's bed.

[cosywolf 10]

I'm on the 'against' side, I'm afraid. Simply because:

 

There is a proven risk to the baby.

 

Parents do need some time to themselves and with each other.

 

Ours is a 'family bed' first thing in the morning when we gather together for sleepy chat and play. Otherwise it is Mummy and Daddy's place to be together.

 

I understand it does work for many people, but my instincts scream against it, so except for the odd occassion, we aren't a 'family bed' family.

[Siân 10]

Although it's against the usual stuff you read I did hear something on Woman's Hour once about how the World Health Organisation (I think) were advocates of this. There was someone on speaking on the merits for babies and parents. I'll have a google and see if I can find it in a bit.

 

 

My sister and brother in law did this instinctively with baby no.2 not because they'd read anything but because it actually suited them as a family far more.

 

The precautions my sister took were to sleep propped up (plenty of pillows or a v pillow) on her back with her daughter asleep on top of her. She said it made for much easier sleeping patterns too - she wished she'd done it with the first one instead of listening to all the advice about separate cots etc

[rinnie 10]

my son has come in bed with us from around 6 months as when we moved him into his own room it ended the lovely full nights we had enjoyed since about 3 weeks( a real shock to the system lol). i think it depends on how big the baby in question is, my son at that age was realy chunky so it was easy to feel him although i always had my arm round him. know he's 17 months and he still comes in sometimes but i dont have to hold him, i say its worth a good nights sleep even know

[Siân 10]

I did a quick google and found the link - you might not agree with it (I totally understand the need to have your bed to yourself!) but it makes for interesting reading:

 

http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/babies_need.html

[Saff 10]

Well yes mine did. We had a cot with one side taken off at the same height as our bed. With my first I'd feed him then put him back in there, no probs. Wiht my second one she's wake up and scream as soon as I tried to move her away even that tiny distance, so I ended up having her in the bed, mainly attached to boob! She couldn't fall out because there was either her cot there or my husband on the other side. It worked fine and meant I didn't have to get out of bed for any reason. I did worry at first about squashing her or something but it never happened.

I got sick of it in the end as I wasn't sleeping as heavily as I wanted to as she'd latch on quite strongly, mainly for comfort and it would wake me up, I kind of wanted my body back. She went into her own room and I'd go down to her but sometimes if she was getting really hysterical I'd bring her in with me again. With my eldest who was a lot better at sleeping, if he wakes for some reason and can't settle he go off straight away in our bed.

Basically I do what's easiest at the time. They both now usually sleep through happily in their own beds (they're 3 and nearly 2) but there have been times when we've all been in together. They mainly just come and jump on us a bit in the morning, but I'd never say no just for the sake of habits, for me it's just family life!

[cosywolf 10]

It wil happen anyway, so some helpful advice from http://www.wearsthebaby.com:

 

Instead of trying to make parents afraid to sleep with their babies, a more thoughtful approach would be to teach parents who choose to co-sleep to do it safely. Here are the precautions for safe co-sleeping:

 

* Put babies under six months to sleep on their backs and not their tummies, unless advised otherwise by your doctor (in a few medical conditions, tummy-sleeping is safer).

 

* Don't sleep with your baby if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol or any substance that could diminish your awareness of your baby.

 

* Don't sleep with baby on soft surfaces, such as bean bags, water beds and couches.

 

* Avoid crevices between mattress and wall or mattress and side rail.

 

* Avoid side rails, head boards, and foot boards that have slats that could entrap baby's head.

 

* Avoid putting your bed near curtains or blinds that have dangling strings that could strangle baby.

 

* Only one baby in bed at a time, please.

[cryinglion 10]

Worked well for us with baby no. 1. She slept in bed with us from day 1. She fed frequently throughout the day and night and we very quickly got into a pattern where she would feed and I would sleep through it. I would wake fully refreshed in the morning with no recollection of feeding her, even though I would swap sides each time. I certailnly wouldn't have believed it was possible to sleep so well with a young baby. My husband always heard her rooting and feeding and the whole thing would wake him up each time. He could always tell me how often she'd fed and the exact time.

 

Baby 2 couldn't latch on lying down so he slept in his own cot. Thankfully he only woke once a night for a feed and his feeds were quick and efficient but I had to get up and sit on a chair to feed him. His one feed a night was much more tiring for me than his sister's three or four, but my husband's nights were far less disturbed.

 

Baby 3 has always slept all through the night in his cot.

 

Practicalities - a king size bed, a really firm mattress, baby wore only a vest, no alcohol.

 

All babies are different, do what works for you and yours. Mine are 6, 4 and 20 months now and, while they come in to bed for a cuddle and a chat in the morning, they hardly ever sleep with us. I miss them.

[lola2 10]

Mine both slept with us for the first 6 months of and on and then moved happily into their own bed as they started disturbing our sleep. I loved having them in bed when they were tiny newborns it felt natural but their is no way i'd sleep with a wriggly toddler. It was our midwife with our first who advised sleeping with her.

I do know people who have gone on to sleep with their children although i do think its at the detriment to the couples relationship and daddies sleep in my experience.

[Boosmum 10]

Littleboo is 19 months and has slept in our bed from day1 he starts off in his cot (goes down awake at about10)but wakes up anytime between 12-2am ,for my sanity he is then in with us and is breastfed about 3-4 times during the night. I have 4 other children and they were all the same.