Dinner Bill Etiquette

[Alex C. 10]

I do agree with you, but if you knew you were going to a dinner party why eat first anyway

 

I'm guessing because he'd been invited to two dinner parties... gotta eat at one of them!

[foxforcefive 10]

I do agree with you, however, if you knew you were eating/drinking less than everyone else, it might have been an idea to mention it at the beginning of the meal.

 

When I go out for dinner we always tend to split the bill equally, however, if some-one has over indulged more significantly, or if someone has ordered light or not had alcohol, we generally take that into account, and increase/decrease their share accordingly.

[PennyHT 10]

I had 2 dinner parties on the same night.

 

 

 

I'm always happy to split if everyone has had about the same during the course of the night, but I am also concious of people who eat lightly and wouldn't ask them to pay more than they should.

 

 

 

The thing is - I'm the gobby one in the group and the others are not ones to talk about their feelings at all. More like

'if you ignore it, you may forget about it, if you forget about it, it is like it never happened'

and a month later there'll be another dinner party.

 

Thanks, I'm glad I'm not the evil person I thought I was.

 

sorry I didn't read it properly thought you meant different nights,

sounds like they wanted a freebie on the back of your wallet, if they dont apologise change your friends

[bizzle 10]

Ok, so recently I was invited out to 2 dinner parties on the same night. one was early and one later in the evening so timing was great for me.

The first party I went to was at a nice buffet restaurant and everyone paid their own way.

 

The second one I went to is where my question lies.

The bar tab was already quite high by the time I arrived and as I was driving I had a coke.

I was the last to arrive, so we were moved into the dining area and our orders taken. I had already eaten, so I ordered a salad as a main, so I wouldn't just be sitting there like an idiot, but everyone else ordered an entree, a main and dessert, as well as copious amounts of alcohol.

 

i was well prepared to pay my own way plus some for the tip and also a contribution to the party girl, but when the bill came, they decided to split it evenly between us.

 

As I said I was willing to give extra, which would have come to about £20, but when I was expected to cough up £50, I was a little bewildered and said

'um, No'

 

I was looked at like I was a cheapskate, someone even offered to 'lend me the money if I couldn't afford it'.

 

someone else vocalised the same concern I had and squabbleing ensued. In the end, 1 guy paid for the lot to stop the arguments, but now I'm being blamed for ruining the evening.

 

Was I wrong to question the splitting of the bill, or was I breaking Dinner Bill Ettiquette?

 

 

You were right.......why should you have to pay for other people. You should pay equally me thinks.

[boyfriday 21]

I sympathise Scozzie, but I'm afraid it's just 'one of those things'.

 

From what you've said, it sounds like you were the odd one out in eating lightly, whilst everyone else was going the whole hog and therefore not anticipating making allowances for people that weren't. It's probably unreasonable to expect people to monitor what everyone else is eating and drinking throughout an evening and perhaps therefore make a special allowance for you, although it would have been nice if they'd done so.

 

It's cost you 30 quid more than you thought, and it's just better to put it down to experience.

 

I don't drink, and alcohol is often a large element of a meal, but I've resigned myself to the fact that if I want to enjoy the communal company of my friends then that's the price I have to pay, subsiding them getting p****, besides I'm sick of ordering whole lobster to even up the balance!

[boyfriday 21]

I do agree with you, however, if you knew you were eating/drinking less than everyone else, it might have been an idea to mention it at the beginning of the meal.

 

When I go out for dinner we always tend to split the bill equally, however, if some-one has over indulged more significantly, or if someone has ordered light or not had alcohol, we generally take that into account, and increase/decrease their share accordingly.

 

..emminently reasonable

[Scozzie 10]

I sympathise Scozzie, but I'm afraid it's just 'one of those things'.

 

From what you've said, it sounds like you were the odd one out in eating lightly, whilst everyone else was going the whole hog and therefore not anticipating making allowances for people that weren't. It's probably unreasonable to expect people to monitor what everyone else is eating and drinking throughout an evening and perhaps therefore make a special allowance for you, although it would have been nice if they'd done so.

 

It's cost you 30 quid more than you thought, and it's just better to put it down to experience.

 

I don't drink, and alcohol is often a large element of a meal, but I've resigned myself to the fact that if I want to enjoy the communal company of my friends then that's the price I have to pay, subsiding them getting p****, besides I'm sick of ordering whole lobster to even up the balance!

 

my bold

 

Classic. I love that.

[foxforcefive 10]

..emminently reasonable

 

I had to google that, now I'm gonna be pedantic, you've spelt it wrong, it's 1 m.

[Heyesey 11]

As a general rule, I'd say it was petty to want to divide the bill up according to who had what, but in situations like this - as with when one person orders the Jeroboam of champagne and everyone else only had a pint of beer - I don't see how any reasonable person could expect you to make an equal contribution. You weren't there half the time!

[boyfriday 21]

I had to google that, now I'm gonna be pedantic, you've spelt it wrong, it's 1 m.

 

...bah, I always make a greater contribution than that expected of me!

[Bago 10]

Well, it's one of those situations that can be avoided. I think you just walked right into the situation though. Don't feel too badly for raising it, cos I do think it is unfair. I suppose it is the time that it was raised. i.e. at the final stage of the bill. I've seen a lot of these kind of situations, and sometimes you can't always get it right. From social situations to one of a work do. Managers sometimes pick up tabs only to find out that they will have to pay it out themselves etc.

 

I'd just let it wash over you. Apologize for choosing the wrong timing, but don't back down on the principle of the thing.

 

I've worked as a waitress before, and a lot of the times when the parties are going to be big, it is often decided amongst the organisers to at least take into consideration how it will be billed, and who it will be billed to etc. So don't feel bad for raising this. For the heavy drinkers, they should curb their own drinking, and not go too much with the flow and don't think of the costs. Some people actually buy individual bottles themselves too. So that it doesn't add to the end bill.

 

A lot of the times, people keep the alcohol bill separate as well so that it kind of evens out with those who don't drink more heavily. Sometimes the format could be others will want to pay for their own families or groups of individuals only. So everyone is happy. Some people will also go for group menus too to save on potential bickerings if everyone is not as adventurous. I'm always very flexible cos I try everything.

 

Most of the time, I go out and just expect a certain amount in my mind, and I pay that. Sometimes it can be over, and sometimes it can be under. Saying that, I do tend to socialise with the same group of people, and we kind of even out over times any way.

 

For close friends from uni, we've treated each other directly, and consider each other family, but I alway make a point to also return the ettiquette and favour in one way or another. i.e. pay for their birthday, or I get them a present, or I would literally help them back too etc. I don't mind doing that.

 

For friends who just eat, drink, and take, I don't tend to socialise with them too much tbh. Unless it's a work do, then I make sure I am happy with contributing, or I go there later etc, and not drink, but eat. Or just to eat, and not drink etc.

 

I think socialising is about making everyone comfortable and happy. I've learnt so much now that I don't go on girly holidays in a big group, and nor do I go to expensive restaurant or places with people I don't know. Nor do I go out on a drinking binge if I don't drink very much, cos it'll peeve off the people who do drink etc. Friends have moaned to me before about seeing me, when I invited them to other friends' birthday dos. I remember one friend having to fork out a lot of money in a similar situation to yourself too, that I felt really guilty. So now, I let them know what happens, and let them choose whether to come or not, and I am honest with them, and they to me. Or I arrange for 1 to 1 get togethers etc. So now, I don't tend to mix my friends either! lol... in a way, it is right, but in return, I too don't get asked. So.... it works out evenly over time.

 

If someone invite me, and I want to bring guests, I'd ask first.

If I go somewhere where I don't know the format, I'd ask first.

If it's close friends and families, then I'd pay for them, if not, then I don't.

 

I've also seen men who make an excuse to go early, and then leave an exact amount in case of potential problems. lol... So that is one way I suppose.

 

Anyway, either way, don't feel bad about the situation cos it's happened. For those who are reasonable, they will understand too. Just don't let it get to you too much. Not sure if I said helped in any way.

[happylady 10]

I'm normally happy to split it but do think sometimes there are people who know this will happen and are happy to take advantage. Perhaps it would have been wise to contact the party organiser before to explain your situation and come to an agreement, by raising it at the end of the night people who had been drinking wouldn't have been able to think rationally anyway.

 

Perhaps its just a learning experience for a similar situation in the future.