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Zakes, coming and going 1965 – 68

 

Part 4

 

I was the only one of us three who made a mini speech in court, apologising and promising to be good from now on, and offering to pay the umpence for the stolen goods. I only made the speech to try to milden my sentence because I knew I would cop it more than the other two because I’d been in court twice before, in Renishaw. Pal 2 received a small fine and some conditions, Pal 1 received a bigger fine and also some conditions because he had faced court before. I the ringleader received the largest fine and given one year’s probation, meaning I had to see the probation officer in Aldine Court on High Street, Sheffield on a regular basis.

 

Next day at school a smiling Mr Lines collared me and took me to his office. Once inside, the unusually friendly headmaster asked me if I had learned my lesson. “I most certainly have” I told him, and I went on to say I would mend my ways from now on. Lines then gave me another sealed envelope and told me to take it home to my parents and said, “Don’t be late tomorrow, lad”.

 

Mum opened the letter as soon as I gave it to her. She read it, looked at me and snarled “Son, you are going to Hurlfield after all, you’ve been expelled!”

Mr Lines certainly was a master of psychological games.

 

I never got the chance to say goodbye to my dear friends at school, and that really hurt me. It was like an arrow through the heart. I also didn’t get to find out if Pal 1 and Pal 2 had been expelled too. I still don’t know.

 

Some days later the Hogg’s removals lorry rolled up on Newstead Rise.

 

Not to be continued.

 

and weeks later...i moved off the shirecliffe, it was the six weeks and me too never had chance to say goodbye to my mates...

i was going to a place called birley, i was told it was near emmerdale farm because it was in the country, no more playing on the tip just green fields with wild animals in it.

my new house was 31 newstead rise....

at school i was an instant hit with mr lines, i had most of the school in the showers because i went rampaging around the playground with itching powder...the man was not a happy bunny...

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Have so enjoyed reading this thread, my brother went to Birley, so I heard all about Harry Lines and the other teachers. I was one of the "hated" Grammar School kids - but we inherited quite a few of the Birley teachers when it went comp.

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Anyone go to thornbridge between 71 and 76,I used to hang around with the stacey twins,april shaw and I fancied david I cant remember his second name he was best mates with Ian goddard:help:

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To save embarrassment I have not named the girl classmate in the story below. Her name has only been mentioned once or twice on this thread. This clears the birds who are usually mentioned on here. Some of you may remember the happening(s). Beware, there is some adult content. Over 57’s only!!

 

Varmint

 

Zakes arose late from his pit this Monday morning, and if he didn’t get his skates on he would be tardy at school. He went to the lav for a slash and a quick cat lick. Timmy the tabby was a godsend in such situations Zakes mewsed. Zakes blessed the day when his mum had bought the cat some weeks ago from the milkman, who seemed to be a regular visitor at breakfast time in the household Zakes.

The vibrant Zakes arrived in the kitchen as his mother was buttoning up her housecoat. He greeted Malcolm the milkman, then said to his mum he was in a hurry to get to school, so could he have hasty pudding for breakfast. Zakes liked his semolina and tapioca and wasn’t averse to getting his oats now and again, and again, and again

Just before leaving home to go to school, Zakes asked his mum to say hello to dad when he comes home from his nightshift work as a doorman, at Borlini’s Bordello in Beighton.

 

Dashing to school, Zakes was going to be on time to beat assembly, but the ruddy roller skates were killing his feet. The only worry that he had, was he was skint again and was penniless until Friday, when he gets his spending money from his dad.

Zakes was spending a quiet incident free day today at school, and in the afternoon made his way upstairs to the maths lesson. Mr Knox the maths teacher greeted the children and told them to sit down. Mr Knox always seemed to smell of Vim, porcupine pee and nicotine, and he was wearing that infernal green and brown tweed sports jacket again. It had often been said that the ultra skinny and bearded Mr Knox used Polo mints to hold up his socks. Knoxy also had a scurf problem, and not forgetting his serious dandruff snag that tended to look like snow on the shoulders of his woolly jacket.

 

During the lesson Poxy Knoxy wished to look at, and mark the classes’ exercise books from some mathematical problems he had set from the previous lesson. Zakes was always sat during these lessons at the first desk directly in front of Mr Knox’s table, due to Zakes always being up to mischief. Mr Knox had said this was so he could keep a beady eye on him, and they certainly were beady.

 

Foxy Knoxy suggested that the pupils queue next to his table in groups of six to get their books checked. Zakes was first to have his book marked and stinky Knoxy seemed to be impressed, which made Zakes feel reight good as he returned to his seat. Some moments later whilst sitting at his desk with a proud smirk across his kisser, Zakes felt first a nudge, and then a trio of taps upon his right shoulder. He half turned to his right to see one of his girl classmates stood in the queue with a lavicious 'come and get me' smile around her chops. This surprised Zakes because this bird had never before shown any interest toward him whatsoever. It was only last week in the library downstairs that Zakes had witnessed her and two other girls trying their damnedest to debag the terrified David Stephenson, having already unbuckled his leather look plastic belt.

 

Zakes wasn’t going to miss this chance, and within seconds had slid his hand up the skirt of this saucy schoolgirl and quickly found the secret place without difficulty. After 57 seconds Zakes glanced over to Mr Knox who was seated just 4 or 5 feet away. Zakes went rigid with shock and promptly stopped his activity, then removed his hand from the moist playground. Mr Knoxs’ beady eyes behind his horn rimmed specs were angrily glaring into the soft blue eyes of Zakes.

Mr Knox arose from his chair and on reaching Zakes grabbed the now worried lad by the hair of his sideboards. Mr Knox took Zakes through the classroom door after opening it, then still grasping the poor lad’s sideboards he proceeded to drag him downstairs, then along the corridors toward the office of the headmaster Mr. Lines.

 

On entering the headmasters office Mr Knox ordered the shaking Zakes to tell Mr Lines what had happened in the classroom. Zakes told Mr Lines of his (mis)deed and then tried to get off the hook by adding that the girl had started it, and had egged him on. The headmaster looked at Zakes as if to say, “I’m going to cane you lad, and I certainly won’t be sparing the rod, you little varmint.” Mr Knox was sent back to class, and Zakes stayed to face the long loud lecture that always came before the caning. Coincidently, the typewriting in the next room had ceased, making Zakes assume that the nullipara secretary Miss Cayne had her ear to the wall. She would be impatiently waiting for the caning to begin, then she would start to type again, but this time it would be a spot of gusset typing.

 

Zakes received the usual four lashes with a pause of ten seconds between each stroke. On leaving the heads’ office Zakes jigged along the corridor with his backside feeling as if it had been sat in an acid bath, the pain was bloody excruciating.

 

Ten minutes later playtime arrived. In the school yard Zakes told his pals from class and others he knew, about the punishment he had received from Mr Lines, who was a lookalike of Nigel Patrick the actor.

Also during playtime the smile was back on Zakes’ face because he had come into some well welcomed money. The princely sum of 1S 9D was reached by charging his mates 3D each for a quick, deep sniff of the fingers on his right hand.

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went to birley infants 69-71ish mrs latham anyone(think she died but nobody talked about it in them days)?

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Me,but it was called Thornbridge then:D

what year did you leave ?

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what year did you leave ?

 

I left in 82.

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Trials And Tribulations Part 1.

 

Nah then CornishBlade,

 

I am glad that you have joined in on this award winning thread. You are the second person after Razor54 to recognize me from stuff I’ve put on here. Some years ago I spoke with David Siddall in a pub and the first thing he alluded to was the science lab incident with Phippsy lol. I recall you lived at 32, Thornbridge Avenue, and I think you may have been in Corinthians house team but I do stand to be corrected. I remember when anyone was told off in class some of us would make a hissing sound that sounded like a gas leak. The other pupils could hear it but the sound never reached the ears of the teacher amazingly. David Stephenson (Athenian) was right good at it especially when he was hiding behind a book. He also lived on the same road as you, at number 10.

 

If you have read through this thread you will have noticed that I don’t hold back, and I give as much detail as I can. I have some more stuff in the pipeline to relate so beware! Lol. I vividly remember most of the crazy things I (we) instigated and the times when we found ourselves in a tight spot. Do you remember Paul White (Spartan) who was often my partner in ‘crime’? Sure you do.

Anyway, enough of the small talk. You have mentioned the name Gary Wood. Here is a short interesting but harmless anecdote involving him and me. Some of you may recall it.

 

Gary Wood.

 

Gary was in the second year and I was in the third at the time. I believe he lived on Birley Moor Way. He and I didn’t have much to do with each other out of school, but in school we were quite matey. I liked his straight wide eyed, honest attitude and there was certainly no flies on him. There were a few bluebottles on me, but despite this I had the impression that he looked up to me a bit.

 

One day the P.E teacher Mr Matthews told Gary that he and three other lads from Birley School had been chosen to go for football trials at Frecheville School on a forthcoming Saturday. These trials were to determine which lads were good enough to represent North East Derbyshire
N.E.D. (or was it Sheffield Boys). I think 3 or 4 boys were to be chosen from every school in the N.E.D area. Soon after being told by Mr Matthews, Gary took it upon himself to go round the school to let the other lads know who he was going to take with him.

 

Gary knocked then entered our classroom looking as unassuming as he always did and quietly spoke with the teacher who nodded his assent to whatever it was that was told to him. Gary came over to my desk to tell me I had been chosen for the trials. I was flabbergasted to put it mildly. I knew I had scored a few goals as an inside left for the school team with the aid of Gary Ashton’s (Athenian) magic football boits, that he had kindly loaned to me. I liked to think I was a bit like Geoff Hurst and a little like Jimmy Greaves but in reality I was more of an Alan Gilzean and scored goals with my knee, arse, hand, shoulder or whatever was handy at the time. I was also the best goal hanging chocolate liner that you ever did see, (perhaps I’m being slightly modest). It was so bloody elated but, my elation wasn’t to last very long.

 

During afternoon playtime in the school yard Gary came to me looking somewhat nervous and I knew summat was up. He broke the news to me that I wouldn’t be going to the trials because there had been a mix up. I was dumbstruck and felt that my world had come to an end. Seeing the look of anguish on Gary’s face I realized that it wasn’t easy for him too.

 

What had happened was, Gary had originally when talking with Mr Matthews thought he had been invited to choose the other players for the trials, but had misunderstood the teacher who had meant , that Gary had been chosen by him (Matthews), and that he had chosen 3 others (which didn’t include me). Gary had gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick, and that had caused all the confusion.

I soon perked up because I’d just had a brainwa(i)ve that might just work in my favour. There was no way that anybody was going to stop Zakesey going to them damned trials!

 

2nd and final part next time.

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I went to frecheville comp and left in 83. I work at Birley community college, thats how I know Mr walton is still there ;)

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Trials and Tribulations Part 2.

 

Next day at school I decided to confront Mr Matthews. He was taking a P.E. lesson in the gym and I waited outside the doors ‘til the lesson ended (wagging my own lesson). When the lesson was almost over I started to rub my eyes really hard making them red raw. A few minutes later when the lesson was over and just before Mr Matthews came out, I gozzed a dollop of saliva into my hand then smeared it around my eyes to make it look as if I was ro’orin. Moments later Mr Matthews and I were stood face to face in the corridor and I told him that when Gary Wood had told me I would be going to the trials I was so delighted, but later when he told me it wasn’t to be it made me feel horrible. I also told him I hadn’t slept last night and I also couldn’t concentrate in class because I felt so low. I then turned on my heel and walked off holding my face.

 

During afternoon lessons Mr Matthews came into our class and I quickly put on the sad face, he beckoned me over to follow him into the corridor where he told me he had spoken with ‘someone’ and it had been decided I COULD go to the trials afterall. I was so happy and felt like the cuckiest lunt in the world. After all if the girls can get their way by turning on the water works, then Zakes can do it too! Whats good for the goose, is another man’s poison, so they say!...

 

On the morning of the trials I got my kit and loaned boots (mine were crap) together and temporarily ‘swiped’ my eldest brother’s sports bag and ran full tilt from home in Newstead Rise to the playing fields at Frecheville School. On arrival I saw the fields were a hive of activity and soon found the man with the clipboard and list of participants. There it was, my name at the bottom of the sheet.

 

There was several games in progress and the teachers in charge were substituting players at 15-20 minute intervals which gave every lad the chance to show off his skills. Whilst waiting to ‘go on’, I was thinking I would be playing in my favourite position and scoring a hattrick. At last it was my turn and one of the teachers took me to the touchline, then said to me, “You’re a big lad, I want you to play at centre half, enjoy it.” That was the end of that then! Lol.

 

I didn’t see Gary so I don’t know (or can’t remember) how he faired. He was a very good player and a nice lad so I hope he had impressed.

 

P.S. Frecheville School playing fields was where George Best played some years later for a t.v. programme

Remember?

 

2. Does anyone remember when Mr. Matthews procured a batch of brand new caseballs in 1967ish. These casey’s were smaller than the previous ones we had used and were as hard as granite. They were bright orange in colour? It would have been far easier playing with a medicine ball. Huh!......

 

3. I think the Yorkshire/ Derbyshire border changed shortly after this, but I’m not sure?

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yep you got the address spot on. Although I was in Spartans. The Chemistry Lab incident was a major episode in our lives at Birley, Along with the staff room nicking incident.

 

Nah then CornishBlade,

 

I am glad that you have joined in on this award winning thread. You are the second person after Razor54 to recognize me from stuff I’ve put on here. Some years ago I spoke with David Siddall in a pub and the first thing he alluded to was the science lab incident with Phippsy lol. I recall you lived at 32, Thornbridge Avenue, and I think you may have been in Corinthians house team but I do stand to be corrected. I remember when anyone was told off in class some of us would make a hissing sound that sounded like a gas leak. The other pupils could hear it but the sound never reached the ears of the teacher amazingly. David Stephenson (Athenian) was right good at it especially when he was hiding behind a book. He also lived on the same road as you, at number 10.

 

If you have read through this thread you will have noticed that I don’t hold back, and I give as much detail as I can. I have some more stuff in the pipeline to relate so beware! Lol. I vividly remember most of the crazy things I (we) instigated and the times when we found ourselves in a tight spot. Do you remember Paul White (Spartan) who was often my partner in ‘crime’? Sure you do.

Anyway, enough of the small talk. You have mentioned the name Gary Wood. Here is a short interesting but harmless anecdote involving him and me. Some of you may recall it.

 

Gary Wood.

 

Gary was in the second year and I was in the third at the time. I believe he lived on Birley Moor Way. He and I didn’t have much to do with each other out of school, but in school we were quite matey. I liked his straight wide eyed, honest attitude and there was certainly no flies on him. There were a few bluebottles on me, but despite this I had the impression that he looked up to me a bit.

 

One day the P.E teacher Mr Matthews told Gary that he and three other lads from Birley School had been chosen to go for football trials at Frecheville School on a forthcoming Saturday. These trials were to determine which lads were good enough to represent North East Derbyshire
N.E.D. (or was it Sheffield Boys). I think 3 or 4 boys were to be chosen from every school in the N.E.D area. Soon after being told by Mr Matthews, Gary took it upon himself to go round the school to let the other lads know who he was going to take with him.

 

Gary knocked then entered our classroom looking as unassuming as he always did and quietly spoke with the teacher who nodded his assent to whatever it was that was told to him. Gary came over to my desk to tell me I had been chosen for the trials. I was flabbergasted to put it mildly. I knew I had scored a few goals as an inside left for the school team with the aid of Gary Ashton’s (Athenian) magic football boits, that he had kindly loaned to me. I liked to think I was a bit like Geoff Hurst and a little like Jimmy Greaves but in reality I was more of an Alan Gilzean and scored goals with my knee, arse, hand, shoulder or whatever was handy at the time. I was also the best goal hanging chocolate liner that you ever did see, (perhaps I’m being slightly modest). It was so bloody elated but, my elation wasn’t to last very long.

 

During afternoon playtime in the school yard Gary came to me looking somewhat nervous and I knew summat was up. He broke the news to me that I wouldn’t be going to the trials because there had been a mix up. I was dumbstruck and felt that my world had come to an end. Seeing the look of anguish on Gary’s face I realized that it wasn’t easy for him too.

 

What had happened was, Gary had originally when talking with Mr Matthews thought he had been invited to choose the other players for the trials, but had misunderstood the teacher who had meant , that Gary had been chosen by him (Matthews), and that he had chosen 3 others (which didn’t include me). Gary had gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick, and that had caused all the confusion.

I soon perked up because I’d just had a brainwa(i)ve that might just work in my favour. There was no way that anybody was going to stop Zakesey going to them damned trials!

 

2nd and final part next time.

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