Having the next child...how do you feel?

[Zebra]

Oh and I have begun to discuss the vague and indistinct possibility that one day we might have another baby (or in our case possibly babies).

I read that some people worry about if they can stretch their love to encompass another child, the response is normally that there's not just another person to share it to but another bucket full to share (IYKWIM).

The issue I have is time, how much time do you have to share with your previous kids once another comes along? Do your kids notice?

Is it easier once your child goes to school or nursery or does the sleep deprivation make it harder and does the child feel pushed out?

Our girls, in theory, will begin nursery in January next year, so to conceive anytime from now really would mean that a baby would only affect things once they start nursery.

I'm in no rush and I hate the thought of not having enough time for them or them feeling pushed out or unhappy in anyway.

I'd be interested to hear others opinions on this.

[monstermummy]

Hiya,

 

we are in a similar boat, meaning we are thinking about another one.

 

Monsterbaby is in nursery already, so that would not be a problem. I would try and make sure that your twins are well established in nursery before number 3 (and 4 ) come/s along otherwise they might feel pushed out and might get the feeling that they are given away because mummy has a "new toy" (hope you know what I mean with that).

 

Not sure what the right thing to do is really. I think a lot depends on personal preference.

 

I have friends who left 4 years between number 1 and 2 and I think they expect far too much from their 4 year olds in understanding the new situation, expecting them to be far too independent and even to look after their little brother/ sister. I think that is a pitfall easily fallen into.

 

I believe that you know instinctively when you are ready and as soon as you think that you would like the next one than the time is there to start. I know that in the beginning just after monsterbaby was born and for over a year after that, I knew that I want another child but I also knew that the time was not right yet. Since he is more independent and walks and can play on his own I felt more and more that now it would be okay for number two to "happen".

 

I hope that was not too much rambling now

[Zebra]

New toy LOL, I get you

Gosh, if only they were so easy!

I worry about struggling to cope with demanding twins and a baby with a lack of sleep, my OH works a heavy duty shift pattern so I couldn't expect too much from him. Scarey stuff!

[monstermummy]

I know what you mean (although I only have the one but he still does not sleep through ).

 

I suppose with the next one you will prob do certain things differently, e.g. the sleep thing, running to them at every peep. Apparently you are far more relaxed (in general) the second time round than the first time. At least that's what people are saying.

 

Do you have any family nearby that can help?

[Zebra]

My family are local but only parents able to help and both still work full time.

Pretty much going it alone if we decide to have more

[savbaby]

I am on the way to my 2nd, when baby comes mini will almost be 4, I am worried about how she will feel and not wanting to push her away. my other worry is that she does not see her dad but this baby will be growing up with its dad around ( if all stays well )

 

I plan on having a a day set aside a week where i can have a couple of hours with just me and mini I think kids adjust very quickly and as long as you involve them they should be ok.

[Titian]

Mine were born within 2 years of each other so I didn't really have the same issues as you will have.

 

I did feel, when the second was born, initially "oh my god, what have I done to my first born?" but it didn't last as the older one(s) tend to fuss over their sibling anyway. In the end it's just the first born child's "lot" it's something that shapes them into who they will be. You may feel troubled about the decision when another comes along but it won't last. My first born doesn't remember a time without a sibling.

 

A good book to read about this is Brothers and sisters, the order of birth in the family, by karl konig. It really is a good book

[S6potatohead]

We had number 3 when our twins were just over two (nine years ago). Very hard work to start with, as we didn't have any handy family to lean on. Trying to combine potty training two with breast feeding one was particularly messy!! On the up side, they have been able to play together, and there have been many times when two were absorbed in something together and I've had time with the other. From what I've seen of my friends' kids, there are pros and cons to any gap between them. Anyway, once you've got number three, you'll be far too busy to worry about whether you got the timing right, and before you know it you'll be worrying about secondary schools instead!

 

Good luck!

[doodle]

I would like another, but I'm more worried about the effect on me than my DD. I didn't fare very well in the beginning and I just found the whole first 9 months a nightmare. I'm not sure I'm capable of going through that again. I still have the odd wobble now, where I just think I would just like to have my old life back, so adding another one into the mix just seems wrong. I guess that means the right time isn't for me just yet.

 

I think the key is to ensure that you still have some time with your first child and not to make them feel brushed aside and try to enrol them into helping you with the second child.

[Shiesh]

As a mother of 3 - as each new baby came along I always 'engaged' my other children with the new baby firstly by the baby 'buying' the existing kids a 'really' nice present!! I also let them 'help' me feed the baby (even if it was a bit haphazard at times..I let them try)... it does help them build a bond of their own with their new brother/sister!!