princessfifi Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Autumn Bees buzz around the dying flowers Collecting food as they pass before winter calls The conkers are ready While the darkness falls The crimson leaves crunch while the fruit ripens winter draws near Autumn time has ended Thank you
princessfifi Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 .....no response?...... i take it that it is rubbish?....... will have to try harder next time, that i try to make up a rhyme..............
mrs gough Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 you might get a better responce in the writers section.. http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=80
pattricia Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Autumn Bees buzz around the dying flowers Collecting food as they pass before winter falls The conkers are ready While the darkness falls The crimson leaves crunch while the fruit ripens winter draws near Autumn time has ended Thank you Only just seen it princess.Very good. Join us in The Writers Group will you ?
shoeshine Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 .....no response?...... i take it that it is rubbish?....... will have to try harder next time, that i try to make up a rhyme.............. Why not have a look Here There's quite a few poets and poems on this Sub-Section of SF and I'm sure they'll be prepared to offer an opinion on your poetry. If you ask the Moderators, I'm sure they will be able to move this thread to the Section concerned. Welcome to Sheffield Forum, by the way.
Googleberry Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 ...winter draws near Autumn time has ended It's not bad princesfifi, and certainly conjures up an atmosphere, but surely if autumn has ended, winter is already there?
Clare85 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I like it - only thing that ruined it for me was using 'falls' twice.
cloudybay Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 My poem I had a man, long time ago His name was Dick O'leary Through time he did sod all to me His name became so dreary. One day, he said, CB my girl! You really need a Mag My Dick , I said, If only You'd have given me a diamond ring.............
EdnaKrabappe Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 My poem I had a man, long time ago His name was Dick O'leary Through time he did sod all to me His name became so dreary. One day, he said, CB my girl! You really need a Mag My Dick , I said, If only You'd have given me a diamond ring............. Well that dun't rhyme!
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