donuticus Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 As I'm sure many of you are aware I suffer from Manic-Depression/ Bi-Polar affective disorder. I just can't seem to shift this depression. Post something that will make me smile, laugh or at the very least make me think. I have been away from work and university for a while and need something to cheer me up and get my mind ticking over. Sorry if this is in the wrong section but I'm not sure where to put it. I'm sick of feeling like this. :( For those of you out there who think I should just cheer up, Want to swap ? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Hmmmmmmmm:(:(:(
The_DADDY (2) Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Unless of course you dont like starwars in which case Hope you feel better soon.:)
Dozy Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Sorry you're feeling down and hope these cheer you up a bit, they certainly make me chortle. The following are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. What a literate bunch we Brits truly are! I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage, and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his **** wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it, ... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. ... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow
muckynees Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Sorry you're feeling down and hope these cheer you up a bit, they certainly make me chortle. The following are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. What a literate bunch we Brits truly are! I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage, and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his **** wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it, ... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. ... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow PMSL, ROFL, my kids think I am mad, I just nearly fell off the chair laughing!! Please say it made you chuckle Donuticus.
Longcol Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Should find something on here to make you laugh. http://icanhascheezburger.com/
JoeP Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Donuticus for light humour may I suggest 'Jeeves and Wooster'? Books or TV series are excellent - it's a world in which the worst that can possibly happen to someone is that they have to marry Honoria Glossop, and where Roderick Spode, leader of the Black Shorts, (no typo!!) can be sent packing by the utterance of the word 'Eulalie'.
Dozy Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Donuticus for light humour may I suggest 'Jeeves and Wooster'? Books or TV series are excellent - it's a world in which the worst that can possibly happen to someone is that they have to marry Honoria Glossop, and where Roderick Spode, leader of the Black Shorts, (no typo!!) can be sent packing by the utterance of the word 'Eulalie'. Excellent choice! I watched a couple of the Fry and Laurie series recently, and they had me in tucks.
purdyamos Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Dozy that's the funniest thing I've read for some time. Please tell me they were real! Where do they come from? Donuticus, you know I've been there and I care. I'm so sorry that you're still in the trough. And please don't feel isolated (which you mentioned in another post) when you have the SF misery club at your fingertips. There's always someone here. My contribution to exercise your chuckle muscles is The Framley Examiner. It's completely silly and never fails to make me giggle. I really hope you come back up soon. You have before and you will again. Take care.
ukstudent Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.. oh forget it. ..... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK ) A: You're a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? ( France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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