How do I explain to him that she's gone?

[babychickens]

don't forget to explain that dying is just another part of life...don't want him growing up scared of dying.

[barnie41]

My children found it helpful to go to the funeral. Often we exclude little ones for various reasons, some good some bad.

 

If the funeral is yet it may be appropriate to involve the child in the funeral.

 

 

Agreed - my little lad was two and a half when my nan died - she doted on him and there was no way I would have excluded him from it. The looks we got from some family members had to be seen to be believed - but what matters is he was there and it was right for us. We told him she had died - the 'gone to be a star' routine, he waved at her each night for a while, but knew she wasn't around. It didn't do him any harm at all.

[sauerkraut]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

 

It probably goes without saying but I'll say it anyway just in case: one thing definitely not to tell him is that she's gone to sleep [and will never wake up]. It could make him scared of going to sleep himself. You might also need to be careful that other people don't use that expression within his hearing.

[*Peaches*]

Well I've told him. He cried, alot. Took me a little by surprise and I cried with him. He seems ok but keeps saying Granddad is going to be upset (Its him mum that died) I said he will be ok, tolod him the star thing and seems ok for now. I tolod him he can ask me anything if he needs to, and seemed happy by that.

[Plain Talker]

Sorry for your loss.

 

Be careful about the language you use to little-ies when explaining that their grandparent/ pet/ whatever are gone.

 

Don't use phrases like "asleep" as it will only serve to scare the little-y, and make them think that (in their own understanding) that, for you, or they, "going to sleep" will mean they won't wake up.

 

It's a hard one to deal with. the Cruse books should give you some good tips to help them understand.

 

My little sister was only five or six when our mum died, (four when mum had the brain haemmorhage) and didn't "get" a lot of what was happening.

 

On the day of my mother's funeral, she told her teacher that we had to go and "take mummy to heaven", which I thought was quite a sweet way of "understanding" what the funeral and service was "about".

[haddockman]

My dad died when I was 8 and I'll always remember my mum telling me. I guess at 4 you don't understand as much what's happened. I think even at 8 it was all a bit beyond me, but when I was told, I somehow already knew which was the weirdest thing. It's never easy telling anyone anything like that

[Runningman]

On a clear night when you can see a bright star, point that out to a young child and tell him / her that is where she has gone. My Grandson has his Uncle Mark's Star pointed out to him. This also gives comfort to his Dad ( my son ) Mark was my son's best mate !

[ducatiboy]

well its quite easy if your son knows the concept of god and jesus. then you tell him your grandmother is with jesus now and eventully when we havedone enough good in our lives we too can be with her and jesus. if your an atheist good luck

[Siân]

You could try getting hold of a copy of 'Badger's Parting Gifts' by Susan Varley. It's aimed at younger children and is an excellent book (if you can manage to read it yourself without bellowing) I used it with children in my classes who had lost grandparents & passed a copy to a friend recently who lost her grandmother and wanted to explain what had happened to her 2 young daughters, who saw quite a lot of their great grandmother.

[discodown]

Whatever you do don't try to avoid it or lie about it or anything stupid like that. Kids are smart and tough he'll deal with it