*Peaches* Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 My eldest son's great grandma has just died, he's 4. How do I tell him in a way he'll understand? How do I approach it? I've never had to do this before, I feel so helpless
lowby Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 you could try cruise berevement councilling and ask them to recommend a cple of books. i have used these before and they are brillant.
anniee Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 so sorry hear that. its a very difficult issue especially if your son was close to her. you can maybe start telling him about heaven and how nice a place it is,then let him think about it for awhile,then tell him thats where his great grandmothers gone. must also emphasize to him that its a really fantastic place to be in. we lost my grandad when i was young,i was totally distraught,this was told to me. made me feel he was in a good place
Wayneos Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Sorry for your loss, maybe it would just be best to tell him nana is with the angels in the sky or something along these lines, at 4 I very much doubt he understands what death actually means anyway, so you can avoid going into depth with it at the moment. I remember when my nan died at around that age, my dad told me and I replied with "Is that the lady who always gives me a pound daddy"...He nearly belted me across the other side of Berlin.
medusa Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 At the age of 4 the concept of death doesn't mean much to most children and so it's likely that however you explain it, in a couple of weeks he'll ask whether you can go and see her or whether she's still dead. However painful this is for you, you'll have to go through the explanation again as many times as needed. I know that losing a cat is not really comparable, but this is just an example. When I lost one of my cats Tico, who both of my stepchildren were really close to, one got desperately upset and cried for months about him dying but the other wasn't like that at all. A couple of weeks later he asked me whether Tico was still dead. I took it as a level of emotional development where they differed, although they were the same age. Maybe you could use an example of losing a piggie?
*Peaches* Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Thing with piggies is they are used to going to live elsewhere after a short spell here (Rescue/rehome) I could explain that she's gone to live in the stars I suppose, like the piggies go to live with other people.
Grahame Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 When my wife died I sat my daughter on my knee and broke it to her very gently, she was only four. Rachel burst into tears and sobbed heartfelt tears for about a minute, then as quickly as the tears had started, they dried up just as quick. She dried her eyes, jumped down from off my knee and got on with what she had been doing and it was all over. Then a few days later my father took her for a walk in the local cemetery and they talked about things and looked at the graves and talked it through and Rachel was fine, she had closure.
SimonS Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 so sorry hear that. its a very difficult issue especially if your son was close to her. you can maybe start telling him about heaven and how nice a place it is,then let him think about it for awhile,then tell him thats where his great grandmothers gone. must also emphasize to him that its a really fantastic place to be in. we lost my grandad when i was young,i was totally distraught,this was told to me. made me feel he was in a good place I think I'd agree with anniee. Four is very young to find out about death and it would probably be better to soften the story and tell him family members will be sad because they loved his Gran but happy she is now in heaven - so he is not upset too much. I remember when a family member died around 5 years old and I had absolutely no concept of death - it scared me whitless.
SimonS Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 This from the BBC Website - For support, contact: Winston's Wish The Clara Burgess Centre, Westmoreland House, 80-86 Bath Road, Cheltenham, GL53 7JT Tel: 01242 515157 Helpline: 0845 203 0405 (Mon-Fri 9-5pm) Website: http://www.winstonswish.org.uk Support for bereaved children and their parents or carers. Childline Tel: 020 7239 1000; 0800 1111 (24-hour helpline) Freepost NATN1111, London E1 6BR Website: http://www.childline.org.uk Childhood Bereavement Network Tel: 0115 911 8070 Website: http://www.ncb.org.uk/cbn Child Bereavement Trust Tel: 01494 446648 (general inquiries); 0845 357 1000 (information and support line) Website: http://www.childbereavement.org.uk
heavenlyarts Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 My children found it helpful to go to the funeral. Often we exclude little ones for various reasons, some good some bad. If the funeral is yet it may be appropriate to involve the child in the funeral.
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