Are you ashamed of your partner?

[KTHFB 10]

I am sorry to hear about your situation and well done for making a positive decision for yourself.

 

But thought i'd play Devil's advocate and see it from the "other" point of view, (although i guess that is not the case here.)

 

 

A good friend of mine is Chinese. She has many sisters and the oldest one married a white guy. It was all very quick, they didn't know she'd been dating him... and her family promptly disowned her. They were a VERY close knit family before and i was really shocked to see this happen as were all her sisters.

Needless to say, when my mate started also dating a white bloke she kept it all hidden. This reached the point that he moved in with her, but her parents still didn't know, despite them coming round the house at least once a week. All his stuff had to be kept under wraps.

She just didn't want them to disown her like had happened to her sister.

 

However my friend's partner was really understanding and canny. He introduced himself as a "friend" that was helping my friend with DIY but he couldn't do all the jobs alone and so, could her dad help him? This went on gradually for over a year until my friend and her bloke announced they'd "fallen in love" and were getting married. (Even though they'd been together for a good few years by this point and living together for most of it.)

By this time, her dad had accepted him as a person in his own right, rather than his daughter's boyfriend.

 

At their wedding, her father gave a very lovely speech about how he thought it was wrong for a Chinese person to marry a white person..... and that he'd been wrong. They've got two beautiful children now and he's the most loved son in law in the world... but if they'd steamed in straightaway things may have been very different.

 

Just a different angle on the story of why people might not introduce people to their parents.

 

Sorry, off-tpoic a little, but after accepting your friend's partner, did they then accept her sisters who they had disowned?

[EdnaKrabappe 14]

Sorry, off-tpoic a little, but after accepting your friend's partner, did they then accept her sisters who they had disowned?

 

Sorry, yeah bad storytelling on my part, leave a cliff hanger!

Unfortunately they got divorced very messily and she was accepted back into the family the year before my friend got married.

 

Her four other sisters have all had relationships since with white men so obviously her father has had a complete turn around.

[Shazbat 10]

I'm a little guilty of something similar, but it was never because I was ashamed.

 

I met someone online in 2003, a few months after the end of a 9-year relationship. We met thru a forum rather than a chat room and ended up spending hours each day chatting on MSN. Then texting. Then exchanged phone numbers ... and so on. During the course of a conversation with the folks, I mentioned him and the fact we were online buddies and my dad just went "as long as that's all it is and it doesn't go any further". Well tbh I was devastated, and despite the fact I was 31 at the time I couldn't imagine going up against my dad having spent 9 years with someone both my folks didn't take to (he was 27 years older than me and I was his cash machine, basically). When the OH and I met, my folks were away for the weekend so the coast was clear. And it just went from there. It never had anything to do with shame, I just didn't know how to say "oops, you told me not to meet him but I did".

 

Last year, matters came to a head and the OH had had enough of ducking and diving, hiding and being invisible. It started out of something silly, as these things do, but the upshot of it all was the parent thing. He would have missed Christmasses with me anyway as his mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour and only given a year to live, so one Christmas was the Christmas with family before she died and the other was Christmas with family after she died. But basically he dumped me.

 

The upset only lasted a few days and in May last year he met my sister, followed by my folks and my brother in June (his holiday alone to America got in the way). My sister of course reported back to the folks that she had never seen me so happy and relaxed with anyone, etc., etc. A few weeks later, after a handful of meetings, Dad asked me the dreaded question of how we actually met (he works at the same place as me so their natural assumption was thru work) so I took a deep breath and said we met online, followed by "feel free to go mad" thinking he would remember what he had said 4 years earlier. Of course, totally contradictory, he said it was entirely up to me and I was old enough to make my own mind up. Just as everyone had predicted. My reasoning was that I spent 9 years with someone who, although we had some good times, was ultimately old enough to be my dad and was the biggest freeloader ever. I just wanted everything to be right this time as by now I was 35, and didn't want to have to face everyone if I had made a mistake again. Dad said "I don't think you've made a mistake this time."

 

What I didn't know when he said that, was that the OH had told them he was going to propose in London over August Bank Holiday. He had said to them that if they said no, he would still ask but he would wait till they knew him a bit better.

 

We're getting married in October this year

[Plain Talker 11]

hmm, well, *she* went to a "function" last night, and the fact that he was there, eating face with a friend of theirs, might just explain his absence and lack of contact over new year...

[KTHFB 10]

hmm, well, *she* went to a "function" last night, and the fact that he was there, eating face with a friend of theirs, might just explain his absence and lack of contact over new year...

 

Some friend!

 

You're soooo much better without him!

[LitleMermaid 10]

hmm, well, *she* went to a "function" last night, and the fact that he was there, eating face with a friend of theirs, might just explain his absence and lack of contact over new year...

 

Oh PT:(

 

What an insensitive prat...:rant:

 

How are you love?

[Plain Talker 11]

Oh PT:(

 

What an insensitive prat...:rant:

 

How are you love?

 

not at all surprised. with a side order of "realisation" lol lol

[LitleMermaid 10]

not at all surprised. with a side order of "realisation" lol lol

 

I'm not entirely sure what to say, because I imagine you aren't feeling too great at the moment, even though you know you are better off out of there!

 

You know where my PM box is if you need a rant or a chat!!!

 

Get theesen out on't pull:hihi:

[Plain Talker 11]

I'm not entirely sure what to say, because I imagine you aren't feeling too great at the moment, even though you know you are better off out of there!

 

You know where my PM box is if you need a rant or a chat!!!

 

Get theesen out on't pull:hihi:

 

not over bothered, actually. my suspicions have merely been confirmed. and you know what i've said about playing second fiddle.

[Agent Orange 11]

hmm, well, *she* went to a "function" last night, and the fact that he was there, eating face with a friend of theirs, might just explain his absence and lack of contact over new year...

 

Oh, my birthday twin chicken... so sorry to hear about this. Here comes the usual cliche, you are better off without him and deserve much better. Seriously, you are one the nicest people I know and his loss will become a major gain for you

 

I will be thinking about you.

 

AO.

[UrbanCaveman 10]

Anyone else find it interestind that one of the adverts for a thread saying "are you ashamed of your partner" is an advert to learn poledancing?

 

Just made me chuckle.

[Plain Talker 11]

Some friend!

 

You're soooo much better without him!

 

Oh, if she wants him, she's welcometo have him - I aint bozzed... If she wants to settle for second fiddle, and missed birthdays, missed Xmases, missed New Years, and brusque, impersonal txts wishing her Happy New Year, she's more than welcome to them:- no skin of my nose, is it?