One Last Time

[DaBouncer 13]

I wasn't going to share this with the rest of the forum. It's one of those private things. But with the way I'm feeling now, if I could educate just one person and stop them feeling the way I do; it will be worth it.

 

Their was a bereavement in my family yesterday. A very close relative of mine.

I've been with my family today helping with funeral arrangements and being moral support and all that.

 

Now this relative of mine (Grandmother) has been in a elderly home for a few months because my grandada couldn't manage on his own. She was deteriorating, losing weight and a shadow of her former self. Unable to walk, get out of bed, or do anything for herself. But she was alright upstairs in her mind.

 

Because of my heavy work load (day and evening) finding time to visit was difficult. Especially with home life etc.

It must have been once a month I had chance to visit.

 

I was only saying to my mother a few days ago, that I needed to go and visit my grandmother soon as I hadn't been up for a while. I have been putting it off, and putting it off for a few weeks because I don't like to see her in the state she was in. From what I remember her like before, it's hard to see her new state.

Everytime I'd visit, she'd cry when I left. After all we were very close, so it got to me.

 

Now I could have gone to see her on Monday... but I didn't.. I chose Alton Towers instead. And now, it's too late.

OK I'm going to see her in the chaple of rest. But I'll never again get to chat, laugh, talk with her. And for what? Because I was too busy? I should've found time!

 

All I wanted to do by this post, is to say. If anyone is in a similar situation. Or if they are just putting off seeing a relative due to schedule or lifestyle. Find the time. Because, you never know when that last time will be.

 

Apologies for the rambling or bumming people out. But just think on!

 

DB

[Cycleracer 10]

Hi DB

One person who is in the same situation as you is me, only its not my Grandma, its my Mum.

She has only a very short time to live and at 69 we are expecting the worse very very soon.

She is down to less than 5 stone and is not eating and is terminally ill.

I don't know about you but we have been expecting it so it we are ready for when it does.

I try to get to the Home she is in 3 times a week, i don't stop long as there is no longer any conversation but the short time i am there makes a difference.

My Dad died suddenly 23 years ago and that is a shock, but when you are prepared for it well its easier to come to terms with.

Try and celebrate your grans life rather than mourn her Death and although the present time is a sad one, time is a great healer.

Good luck and my deepest sympathy to you and your family.

[RPG 10]

You did well to come out with it all, bottling it up never helps.

 

You could second guess yourself all the time, but then you'd spend you entire life looking back and not forward and its not a nice way to live your life and yes i agree, if you dont have the time to see someone, make it

 

My thoughts are with you and your family at this moment mate

 

 

[Cycleracer 10]

Hi again Kirk

Sorry, I replied a few moments ago about loosing your Grandma and heres me harping on about my problem.

I just realised that and the last thing you want to hear is about my for coming problem.

My thoughts are with you, and look ahead mate.

[DaBouncer 13]

Paul,

 

It's no problem mate.

A problem shared, a problem halfed mate.

 

DB

[mslotus 10]

Guilt is a natural part of the grieving process. Try not to beat yourself up too much. It sounds to me as though it hurt your gran too for you to be seeing her the way she was so maybe she was happy enough to only see you once a month. I think you will more than likely you are not the only family member to be thinking that they didn't visit enough. She is still with you as you have your memories of her. Talk about her and share your memories of her and she will remain with you. My sympathy is with you for your loss.