Infidelity, whose fault is it really?

[john00181 10]

so it was the right choice for you. i know people who have just as much pride,self esteem and self confidence and have accepted that people make mistakes.

i think long term or repetitive cheating, "affairs" are a little different to a one off.

 

For me once someone cheats its done with,the trust has gone and I doubt it could ever be the same again. I guess we all have our own ways of dealing with infedelity.

[shabba 10]

some people can move on and continue the relationship. i couldnt. what if they did it again. however it IS subjective. and like others have said, some can forgive. Some people never cheat, somecheat once and feel awful and never do it again, and to some, the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" applies and they just cant keep it in their pants

 

If you're with someone else and happy then maybe thats what was meant to happen, you were MEANT to end up with her instead, and so when you married the other lady, destiny took her down another path so that you would end it and be with the one your meant to be with? If you believe in that mumbo-jumbo!

 

True, everything happens for a reason..... and look your happy now, so thank your lucky stars;)

[Jason Bourne 11]

Thing is I have too much pride to just say ok and I ended the marriage,I dont think I was wrong to do this as I know if they have done it once they are more than capable of doing it again

 

That's self-respect, not pride

[Agent Orange 11]

Only you can answer that question. I believe you were right to get rid and end the marriage. Relationships are built on trust and if someone betrays you in this way then the trust goes along with any respect. I had a former girlfriend who cheated on me and even though we gave it another go after a short split, it didn't last too long cos I simply could not trust her.

[Rotherhamer 10]

You usually find that people who stray do so for a reason,be it sexual incompatatibility or just sheer boredom,so as to the question of who's fault it is,instead of looking at the person who has strayed,maybe the one who has been cheated on should look to them selves and ask why,if a couple are sexually compatible and share interests without one or the other trying to make each look fools then there would be no need to stray,its usually the one thats been cheated upon who is at fault in these things,Ok you may say that is no reason to stray but imagine living as that person does,usually bored to tears,people must have some aim and satisfaction in life and if that has to come from elsewhere so be it,life is too short to be stuck in abject misery

[BasilRathbon 10]

Where did we ever get the idea that fidelity is natural anyway? If you like playing snooker more than your partner does, they wouldn't mind if you went off and played snooker with someone else occasionally, would they?

[Jessica23 10]

its usually the one thats been cheated upon who is at fault in these things,Ok you may say that is no reason to stray but imagine living as that person does,usually bored to tears,people must have some aim and satisfaction in life and if that has to come from elsewhere so be it,life is too short to be stuck in abject misery

 

Hmm, do I smell devil's advocate? I totally disagree with you.

 

If someone's unhappy in a relationship then there's a very simple solution - end it, as soon as possible, with a minimum of pain. Cheating on someone because you're 'bored to tears' is horrible behaviour.

[Jason Bourne 11]

instead of looking at the person who has strayed,maybe the one who has been cheated on should look to them selves and ask why,

 

With respect, that's a feeble excuse IMO.

 

If you're incompatible, and many couples are, then perhaps they should split amicably.

 

Hopping into bed with somebody else isn't really the best way to solve marital difficulties, despite what some people on here would have you believe

[Preacher Man 10]

It is totally subjective. i could never cheat but say theres a bored couple in a loveless marriage. they are staying together for the sake of the kids and financial reasons. if one of them met somebody who brought happiness into their life and they eventually left their partner to be with them then i could see a point.

 

i wouldnt do it because i would rather be single than be in a loveless marriage!

[MonkeyLover 10]

A couple of years ago I found out my wife had had a affair ,it had not been going on for long as far as I could make out and she ended it when I confronted her.

Thing is I have too much pride to just say ok and I ended the marriage,I dont think I was wrong to do this as I know if they have done it once they are more than capable of doing it again .

I have since found someone else and could not be more happy than I am now,thing is was I right to end the marriage ? its something that niggles at me to this day even though ive moved on.

What do others think ,can You forgive and forget? or are you like me and have too much self esteem to carry on with the relationship.

 

yes, you were right to end the marriage I think. My husband cheated on me, I found out and he said he would end the affair, but I knew he wouldn't. He never tried to make it up to me, never said sorry. We stayed together for about 3 weeks after I had found out, then I chucked him out. Couldn't do with all the insecurity and the trust had gone. I met someone else afterwards and we have been very happy since. All this happened 30 years ago, and my 2nd husband and I are still together.

[john00181 10]

yes, you were right to end the marriage I think. My husband cheated on me, I found out and he said he would end the affair, but I knew he wouldn't. He never tried to make it up to me, never said sorry. We stayed together for about 3 weeks after I had found out, then I chucked him out. Couldn't do with all the insecurity and the trust had gone. I met someone else afterwards and we have been very happy since. All this happened 30 years ago, and my 2nd husband and I are still together.

 

Good for you,shows its best to move on isnt it.

[andrewchase 10]

Where did we ever get the idea that fidelity is natural anyway? If you like playing snooker more than your partner does, they wouldn't mind if you went off and played snooker with someone else occasionally, would they?

 

They might be a bit miffed if you lied to them about it. If people are happy for their partner to "play snooker" with others that's not infidelity, it's when it's behind their back that it becomes a problem and for some it may be the fact that it's sex, for many it's the lying and breakdown of trust that's the biggest problem.