Writing for publication

[pattricia 575]

Smithy, I know you havent asked my opinion on this story but I thought it was very good. It drew you into the story, and the writing was exciting.

[smith-07 10]

thank you very much pattricia if only one person likes it, that makes me happy

[Peacock Lady 10]

I'm not going to go through any more, as I don't have the time and I did say I'd only crit the first couple: but my overall impression is that there's far too much "tell" and not nearly enough "show" in Smithy's piece, and so it's very cold and unengaging.

[pattricia 575]

I'm not going to go through any more, as I don't have the time and I did say I'd only crit the first couple: but my overall impression is that there's far too much "tell" and not nearly enough "show" in Smithy's piece, and so it's very cold and unengaging.

PL is the expert smithy isnt she ?

[gillybob 10]

hi

 

 

BREATH

Fighting for the seductive air,

Sucking fragranced poison,

Bellows slow up and down,

Stunted wisps of pollution

Filling my chest, panic,

Flowing hot and cold, shivery,

Overpowering my torso like a cloak,

Heavy, thumping, powerless, within the walls

Subsiding, easing, with every tender wheeze

Retained and controlled, flowing

Back to where it came from, deep within

The coiled cavities.

 

By Gillian

 

hi, can you take a look at some of my work please, i would be most grateful.

i have a few other stories, would you take a look? thanks

new member.

[gillybob 10]

I think that I will not be alive this time next year. The constant excruciating pain is tormenting my every move. Having had 2 operations on my left knee, following a slip getting into a milk vehicle one dark, wet, winters morning, two years later I'm still suffering like a demented laboratory rat.

[gillybob 10]

If someone's feeling brave, post a short paragraph of your work below this (no more than 250 words should be fine), and I'll add comments to show what needs to be corrected. I'll only have a look at the first couple, though, as my typing-time is limited.

 

this is loosely based on a true story.

TEARS FOR FEARS.

 

This warm summer's day wasn't like any other day for Fizz. It was the day she was to have to fight for her pitiful life. By nightfall she would be inches from her grave.

 

Fizz wasn't her real name, it was Charlotte Fitzgerald. Like her nickname she was bubbly, soul seeking and attentive. On the other hand, she had a headstrong, reckless personality, almost self destructive. Often it landed her in trouble more often than not.

 

At the delicate age of 14, she was residing in a local children's home. Although the home was to be her salvation for the next 5 years, she thought of it as her prison. She hated conformity, authority and reality.

[scribe 10]

You missed the boat like me gillybob. PL is a very busy lady and it was probably a one off, but if you want a few comments on you poem it was as good as any other i have read on here. I look forward to reading your stories on the other side Cheers.

[gillybob 10]

You missed the boat like me gillybob. PL is a very busy lady and it was probably a one off, but if you want a few comments on you poem it was as good as any other i have read on here. I look forward to reading your stories on the other side Cheers.

 

THANKS FOR THAT! i am dyslexic, and find it a struggle to write down everything without extensive corrections. but the reality is that i have so many ideas, just wanting to burst out....

[Peacock Lady 10]

I'm dyslexic too. I write everything down, then spend a long time making those extensive corrections that gillybob mentioned. It's called editing. It's essential. I spend just as long editing a piece as I do writing the first draft--probably longer.

 

I'm not going to comment on anyone else's work--I did say I'd just do the first couple, I think.

 

I'd really like to see more comments here (both in this thread, and in others) where some real feedback is given. "I really liked it", or "fantastic" aren't really a help: they're only an ego massage, and we can get that from our non-writing friends. Try, instead, "I really liked the way that you...." or, "You really need to work on your punctuation, particularly the way you use the semi-colon". It's far more useful, and it makes you focus on your editing skills in a way which will quickly be reflected in your work.

[coyleys 10]

I'd really like to see more comments here (both in this thread, and in others) where some real feedback is given. "I really liked it", or "fantastic" aren't really a help: they're only an ego massage, and we can get that from our non-writing friends. Try, instead, "I really liked the way that you...." or, "You really need to work on your punctuation, particularly the way you use the semi-colon". It's far more useful, and it makes you focus on your editing skills in a way which will quickly be reflected in your work.

 

Fair comment Peacock Lady, some members just can’t be bothered, but some “like myself” are just novices and are afraid we will get the “what the hell is he talking about” and so a simple “I really like that” is better than nothing.

If only the better writers would comment more.

I always remember the words of my dear old Daddy “If tha dunt know what that talkin abart, keep thi gob shut lad” he was a wise old owl, I think he may have gone to school at some point in his life.

[Peacock Lady 10]

Coyleys (and everyone else), your opinion is valuable. As is everyone else's here. If you don't understand something, say so. If something isn't clear to you, ask questions. Don't let your perceived lack of education or ability stop you with this: you're not stupid, and I suspect you could do a lot of good here.

 

Next time, rather than saying "I liked that!" and moving on, SAY what it was you liked. Or say what stopped you from loving a piece. So long as you are respectful, it can only help. And it's how to attract the "better writers" that you'd like to comment more. At present, I am reluctant to comment as so few people are offering constructive criticism.

 

OK, onto my next particular soap-box. Reading. How much do you all read? And what sort of stuff do you read?

 

It's through reading that you really learn how writing works. If you've never read a book, you have no chance at all of writing one that can stand up for itself. Through reading you understand grammar, punctuation, characterisation, dialogue, exposition--all the building-blocks of writing. And yet many people who want to write hardly ever read.

 

Go on. Tell me how many books you've read in the last month. Give me titles. Tell me what you think the writer did well, and what you'd have done differently.