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Tell us a Limerick (Part 9)

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13-09-2017, 19:37   #1821
choogling
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bit rude but made me laugh

there was a young girl from ealing
who had a peculiar feeling
she laid on her back
opened her crack
and ****** all over the ceiling
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13-09-2017, 21:25   #1822
Padders
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that's a bit near the knuckle,
but it did make me chuckle,
I got a bit shirty,
cos it is a bit dirty,
fran would like something more subtle.
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17-09-2017, 15:47   #1823
francypants
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Yes Padders, very true,
Schoolboy humour will not do,
Slightly amusing,
He might have been boozing,
And had too much home made home brew.
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17-09-2017, 19:10   #1824
RJRB
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Is Theresa too terribly dour
To keep her Conservative power
Is Boris the man
Well I'm not a fan,
Of him and the rest of the shower.

There's Gove,David Davis and Rudd
And Hammond who would if he could,
And that upper class twit
Who's name I forgit
Though he seems one hell of a stud
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17-09-2017, 20:57   #1825
Padders
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Don't talk to me about politics,
All they do is dirty tricks,
And that boris Johnson,
Talks a load of nonsense,
What a shower of useless <removed>.

Last edited by nikki-red; 28-12-2017 at 20:28.
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18-09-2017, 12:00   #1826
francypants
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I take it Padders you're not impressed,
Just calm down and don't get stressed,
Normally you're a placid guy,
Can I suggest that you should try,
To have a lie down and get some rest.
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18-09-2017, 15:19   #1827
Padders
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Sorry fran, but they get on my wick,
To be honest they make me sick,
All that huffing and puffing,
And then do nothing,
They must think we are all thick.
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18-09-2017, 16:25   #1828
RJRB
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On the right we have Jacob Rees Mogg
An Eton and Cambridge top dog
He suggests we give thanks
For the local food banks
Whilst he can live high on the hog

---------- Post added 18-09-2017 at 16:34 ----------

On the left we have Abbot and Skinner
It's hard to pick out a winner
Austerity rules
For so many fools
Whilst the MPs discuss it round dinner.
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18-09-2017, 19:17   #1829
Padders
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I like skinner and his jokes,
He comes out with some funny retorts,
The next election who will win,
Not that Jeremy corbyn,
If that happens bring back Guy fawkes.
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19-09-2017, 14:48   #1830
francypants
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I've been buying things on Ebay,
Gifts to wrap for Christmas day,
These days it's a breeze,
Just tap on the keys,
Job done and no parking to pay.
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19-09-2017, 21:24   #1831
Padders
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Well I hope it go"s according to plan,
Cus santa won"t be a happy man,
Rudolph will be goaded,
His sleigh will be loaded,
With a sackload of presents from fran.
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12-12-2017, 21:41   #1832
francypants
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I need to ask your advice,
My feet are like blocks of ice,
Been outside in my flip flops,
now my toes are like ice pops,
Don't tell me to suck them...... not nice !!
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12-12-2017, 22:04   #1833
Padders
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Easy, warm water in the sink,
Not too hot your feet will shrink,
Dip em in and dip em out,
If that does"nt work give us a shout,
Guaranteed at least they won"t stink.

---------- Post added 12-12-2017 at 21:49 ----------

Fran, get rid of them flip flops,
Invest in a pair of thermal socks,
I know I'm a bit thick.
But it should do the trick,
Especially when the temperature drops.
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13-12-2017, 01:42   #1834
RJRB
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Flip flops are for summer attire
Say 70 degrees,maybe higher.
It’s freezing at night
So avoid the frost bite
In slippers in front of a fire
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14-12-2017, 19:17   #1835
francypants
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After being out in the sleet,
In the sink I put my feet,
But I had a mishap,
Toe got stuck up the tap,
It's a process I will not repeat.
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14-12-2017, 19:42   #1836
Padders
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The sink cure iv"e put on hold,
Your feet will have to stay cold,
Fancy getting your toe stuck,
You don"t seem to have much luck,
Maybe your getting too old.
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14-12-2017, 22:01   #1837
francypants
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padders View Post
The sink cure iv"e put on hold,
Your feet will have to stay cold,
Fancy getting your toe stuck,
You don"t seem to have much luck,
Maybe your getting too old.


Yes I think you might be right,
A bad idea with hindsight,
I must think on,
I'm not twenty one,
So I'll just have to put up with frostbite.
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15-12-2017, 15:22   #1838
Padders
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Fran, you"ll do yourself harm,
Settle down and try to stay calm,
Stop being a drama queen,
It makes us want to scream,
Summers coming, then they"ll get warm.
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27-12-2017, 21:13   #1839
francypants
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Christmas was wonderful, now it's past,
Santa came at long last,
Beautiful food, gifts galore,
Shared with the people I adore,
Just a shame it went so fast.
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28-12-2017, 16:38   #1840
Steptoe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by francypants View Post
Christmas was wonderful, now it's past,
Santa came at long last,
Beautiful food, gifts galore,
Shared with the people I adore,
Just a shame it went so fast.
Bet youíve put on a stone or two.
With all that food to chew.
Iíll try and say it quiet
You better go on a diet,
Festive eating, youíll begin to rue.
_______
Any Old Iron
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