My 15 yr old has run away

My 15 yr old daughter has run away to stay at her best friends.

After a disagreement over a mobile phone. I have had a talk with school today, and they are arranging another meeting with myself and my daughter tomorrow, it started on Thursday.

I have been told that if I phone the police, they will go and get her, but that is after our meeting tomorrow.

What is she refuses, will the police use force? She is rather stubborn.

If she was my daughter , I would go round to her best friend's house and bring her home as soon as possible . It's utter nonsense to let your daughter get away with such behaviour .

Why on earth are her friends parents allowing her to stay? Do they know the situation?

They're going to get pretty sick of feeding her and having her around quite quickly I'd think. And she's going to very quickly realise that they aren't going to provide her with spending money or knew clothes, or indeed a mobile phone top-up or contract.

Sounds a bit of a tricky situation to be in El Cid and I very much hope that you manage to get it all sorted and get your daughter back home quickly.

I don't know if it is of any help but I saw something on TV where a child took it upon herself to decide to go and stay with an aunty when he mum and dad split up. The Aunty wasn't helping the situation therefore with the help of the police they served what I believe (haven't googled to clarify) to be a Harboring notice on the Aunty which meant that she could be held accountable for child abduction if she continued to let her stay with her. I am not sure on the conclusion of it all however it may be a step in the right direction and of some use to you.

Have you thought about contacting MAST for some support?

My daughter has just turned 16 so I can sympathise with what you are going through. My daughter has also tried to take control thinking she has all these rights and powers... but I soon put her straight and I suggest you do the same. At 15/16 it isn't practical or legal to lock them up but it doesn't mean you are powerless. I suggest you introduce your daughter to some of the realities of life.

For starters, that phone of hers' is contractually in your name and is therefore YOURS to do with as you wish - you don't have to put credit on it, charge it up, lend it to her, upgrade it or whatever.

Then move on to the electricity. It is YOURS and you need to make it clear that she may only use it with your permission. She can forget about watching TV, listening to music, using the hairdryer, the computer etc... unless you say so. You literally have power over the power.

Remind her that the chocolate, sweets and soft drinks you buy are YOURS and it is entirely up to you who you give them to. She will no doubt be shocked to learn that hydration only through water is not deemed 'neglect'.

You may also wish to point out that parents are not obliged to provide new designer label clothing. It may be 'social suicide' in her circles to wear second hand clothes but social services really don't consider it to be a form of child abuse. A low-cost full wardrobe makeover is within our parental gift... think on that girl!

Remove all the option extras you provide out of love and tell her she can earn them back by simply showing respect, helping out when asked, behaving in a way that is acceptable to you and getting her ungrateful backside home. No doubt your daughter will argue (as mine did) that all these things amount to 'blackmail' or 'slavery' but she'll quickly realise that this assessment is as erroneous as her behaviour. We are the parents and we have the power!

Good luck.

El Sid you need to keep the line of communication open at all cost. I would suggest going round to said friends house and make sure the parents are aware of the situation . Then see if you can get your daughter to meet up with you on neutral ground . Say you want to sort things out ,threats and bullying will just push her further away . If she won't meet up then write her a letter and ask her to reply stating her grievances .

If she does return home then there has to be rules which you should both agree on ,although you should have the final word . This is such a difficult age but with good communication it can run smoothly .

Hope she is home soon tucked up in her own bed !

I'm sorry to hear that you're having family problems El Cid. I'd suggest going to talk to her friend's parents, partly to thank them for making sure that your daughter is safe during this spell and also to agree on what they should do from here.

I agree to an extent with Zamo that your daughter needs a whole lot more reality in her life, but this has to be done carefully because right now she's safe, but if she gets on a bus and ends up somewhere she doesn't know she won't be, and that's something that you need to avoid at all costs. Above all else, that needs to be avoided.

Good luck

If she was my daughter , I would go round to her best friend's house and bring her home as soon as possible . It's utter nonsense to let your daughter get away with such behaviour .

Because that's common sense lol.

I suggest you introduce your daughter to some of the realities of life.

 

For starters, that phone of hers' is contractually in your name and is therefore YOURS to do with as you wish - you don't have to put credit on it, charge it up, lend it to her, upgrade it or whatever.

 

Then move on to the electricity. It is YOURS and you need to make it clear that she may only use it with your permission. She can forget about watching TV, listening to music, using the hairdryer, the computer etc... unless you say so. You literally have power over the power.

We are the parents and we have the power!

 

Good luck.

I have already stopped paying for her mobile top-ups. The electric sockets are switched off upstairs so that she cannot lay in bed on her phone.

It has crossed my mind in the past, that she has some form of autism (as seen on Born Naughty, the TV program; and is unable to follow orders. Typical teenager I guess

---------- Post added 12-10-2015 at 19:42 ----------

I'm sorry to hear that you're having family problems El Cid. I'd suggest going to talk to her friend's parents, partly to thank them for making sure that your daughter is safe during this spell and also to agree on what they should do from here.

 

My niece has been doing that, but the friend that she is staying with seems unable to see my side of the story.

---------- Post added 12-10-2015 at 19:44 ----------

El Sid you need to keep the line of communication open at all cost.

We had a meeting at my daughter school on Friday, got no where; we have another meeting tomorrow. I am excepting the same.

---------- Post added 12-10-2015 at 19:46 ----------

the police they served what I believe (haven't googled to clarify) to be a Harboring notice.

I have heard that mentioned, and the police can go round and get her.

Hope you get this resolved amicably soon.

My daughter has just turned 16 so I can sympathise with what you are going through. My daughter has also tried to take control thinking she has all these rights and powers... but I soon put her straight and I suggest you do the same. At 15/16 it isn't practical or legal to lock them up but it doesn't mean you are powerless. I suggest you introduce your daughter to some of the realities of life.

 

For starters, that phone of hers' is contractually in your name and is therefore YOURS to do with as you wish - you don't have to put credit on it, charge it up, lend it to her, upgrade it or whatever.

 

Then move on to the electricity. It is YOURS and you need to make it clear that she may only use it with your permission. She can forget about watching TV, listening to music, using the hairdryer, the computer etc... unless you say so. You literally have power over the power.

 

Remind her that the chocolate, sweets and soft drinks you buy are YOURS and it is entirely up to you who you give them to. She will no doubt be shocked to learn that hydration only through water is not deemed 'neglect'.

 

You may also wish to point out that parents are not obliged to provide new designer label clothing. It may be 'social suicide' in her circles to wear second hand clothes but social services really don't consider it to be a form of child abuse. A low-cost full wardrobe makeover is within our parental gift... think on that girl!

 

Remove all the option extras you provide out of love and tell her she can earn them back by simply showing respect, helping out when asked, behaving in a way that is acceptable to you and getting her ungrateful backside home. No doubt your daughter will argue (as mine did) that all these things amount to 'blackmail' or 'slavery' but she'll quickly realise that this assessment is as erroneous as her behaviour. We are the parents and we have the power!

 

Good luck.

Literally the worst advice in the world.

You think that humiliating her and turning her into an outcast will get her back?