Cringeworthy forced rhymes in song lyrics

Billy Joel - Piano Man

"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday/the regular crowd shuffles in/there's an old man sitting next to me/making love to his tonic and gin".

For me this has been one of the most annoying bit of songwriting ever. Nobody calls a gin and tonic a tonic and gin.

I like Billy Joel, but I hate that song because of his lazy wordplay.

The latest lyrical crimes against humanity comes from Sting and his song One Fine Day.

"Today it’s raining dogs and cats/Rabbits jumping out of hats."

Aaagghhh! I want to kill somebody!

Anybody else got any examples that really annoy you?

'Life' by Des'ree. The whole song is awful, but especially the first verse:

I'm afraid of the dark,

'specially when I'm in a park

And there's no-one else around,

Ooh, I get the shivers

I don't want to see a ghost,

It's a sight that I fear most

I'd rather have a piece of toast

And watch the evening news

Only been thinking about this today and Robbie Williams song Party like a Russian!! Some words he's got rhyming with others are pathetic. Picked a word, got something (anything!) to rhyme with it and that's it. Can't remember exact words but rhyming lolly with Molly!! Total and utter garbage

'Life' by Des'ree. The whole song is awful, but especially the first verse:

 

I'm afraid of the dark,

'specially when I'm in a park

And there's no-one else around,

Ooh, I get the shivers

I don't want to see a ghost,

It's a sight that I fear most

I'd rather have a piece of toast

And watch the evening news

I was just about to do this one!!!!

"and fiery demons all dance when you walk through that door,

Dont say youre easy on me, youre about as easy as a nuclear war"

Duran Duran - Is there something i should know.

classic song 80's song,regardless.

---------- Post added 09-12-2016 at 18:05 ----------

The Billy Joel and Robbie ones mentioned above are good songs too.

Lighten up,its about the music.

We can all get Dylanesque about it and pretend we know more than the average joe but a good song is a good song regardless of the genre or artist, too much music snobbery about.

Im very eclectic in my taste in music.

The only real thing i hate is when it gets all uber-political to make a point, ie some Billy Bragg and unfortunately U2 sometimes amongst others.

Youre a musician, not a politician.

(Sunday,bloody sunday aside of course, that one seems to fill both criteria,great song with a message is acceptable as long as it doesnt just drone on!)

Drive by The Cars was used perfectly in Live aid, and You do something to me by Paul Weller always makes me think of some of the final episodes of Brookside.

Both great use of a song.

Billy Joel - Piano Man

 

"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday/the regular crowd shuffles in/there's an old man sitting next to me/making love to his tonic and gin".

 

For me this has been one of the most annoying bit of songwriting ever. Nobody calls a gin and tonic a tonic and gin.

 

I like Billy Joel, but I hate that song because of his lazy wordplay.

 

 

 

The latest lyrical crimes against humanity comes from Sting and his song One Fine Day.

 

"Today it’s raining dogs and cats/Rabbits jumping out of hats."

 

Aaagghhh! I want to kill somebody!

 

Anybody else got any examples that really annoy you?

Gin and tonic wouldn't have worked, lol. ,It is known as poetic license and being a writer of songs myself I wish I had wrote Piano Man instead of Billy.

Saying that however, there are lot's of number one hits with banal lyrics and I don't mean deliberate comedy like Benny Hill and Charlie Drake. Check out Patches, Tears, No Charge, McArthur Park, Wandering Star etc etc the list is endless and I am only referring to chart toppers before I left England in 1981.

I'm as serious as cancer

When I say rhythm is a dancer

The wild dogs cry out in the night

As they grow restless, longing

For some solitary company

I know that I must do what's right

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus

Above the Serengeti

Africa by Toto. Also possibly the worst song ever, aside from everything by Queen obviously.

---------- Post added 11-12-2016 at 21:25 ----------

I'm as serious as cancer

When I say rhythm is a dancer

That is a stinker. However, the "serious as cancer" line first appeared in I Ain't No Joke by Eric B & Rakim, which is a good track aside from that crap lyric.

The wild dogs cry out in the night

As they grow restless, longing

For some solitary company

I know that I must do what's right

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus

Above the Serengeti

 

Africa by Toto. Also possibly the worst song ever, aside from everything by Queen obviously.

 

---------- Post added 11-12-2016 at 21:25 ----------

 

 

That is a stinker. However, the "serious as cancer" line first appeared in I Ain't No Joke by Eric B & Rakim, which is a good track aside from that crap lyric.

Ironically one of the greatest songs ever written i.e. Sound of Silence (Paul Simon) also uses the cancer word but to great effect...

"Fools", I said, "You do not know",

Silence like a cancer grows

Etc, etc, etc.

Paul McCartney's written some awful lyrics.

"I know I was a crazy fool, for treating you the way I did; but something took a hold of me, and acted like a dustbin lid" (The Other Me from Pipes Of Peace); &

"Distractions, like butterflies are buzzing round my head" (Bold type mine; Distractions from Flowers In The Dirt)

As for modern 'lyrics', I have neither the will nor inclination; I would sooner rub foil on my fillings.