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Any care home available?

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12-05-2018, 08:36   #21
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Joined: Feb 2005
Total Posts: 3,355
Thanks to the lady at the Adult Care section, we were finally able to place the old boy at a care home late on Wednesday.
Luckily the arrangement is open-ended, as his wife is still in the NGH, making slow progress. We've just heard that he's getting assessed by Social Services this coming Monday, which should help sort out the financial situation, which is a separate nightmare in itself.
I haven't visited since.
I can't.
He must be traumatised. Strange place, strange routines...he must be utterly confused and not a little terrified.
If I went he'd assume he was leaving, and would react badly when he found out that he wasn't. There would be absolutely no way of explaining the reason for him being there, as he was mistaking his daughter for his wife and therefore in denial that his wife was in hospital. Besides, even if the situation did make any sense to him, 10 seconds later he'd have forgotten and be in denial again.
Bless him, all the way there he kept asking if I was definitely waiting for him and taking him back home, and I, of course, continued to have to lie to him.
I haven't slept very well since.
It doesn't, as they say, rest easy on my shoulders.
Yes, there was/is no option, but I have to say that I'm not very proud of myself...
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16-05-2018, 17:56   #22
Anna B
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Joined: Sep 2006
Total Posts: 10,644
You poor, poor man.

What can I say, except you have my utmost sympathy.

You have been through an awful lot and done your very best in an almost impossible situation, but I can understand your pain.

Can I suggest you talk to the people at the care home. You won't be the first to feel like this, and they will have come across this situation many times before. They may be able to help with some advice on how to proceed. I'm sure they will understand how you feel, and will also know how to settle your father and make him comfortable.

It may not be as bad as you think. Don't let an understandable but totally 'unnecessary feeling of 'shame' stand between you and your father.
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