Been dumped?

Hi people

I recently got dumped by my (now ex) girlfriend for complicated reasons which I'll now go into. Sorry if I bore anyone.

Although we were a very physically close couple, very huggy and affectionate, if we ever argued then Shelly would always suggest splitting up instead of talking through problems. This initially came as a bit of a shock since she was always so affectionate and loving when we were 'at peace' with one another which was most of the time. After this had happened a couple of times I started asking her if it really was THAT easy to just dump me regardless of how she felt about me and she answered 'yes' because she'd had a couple of tough relationships before and couldn't be bothered with arguments. Hmmm.

She is a bad morning person and even if she's gone to bed in a good mood, she always wakes up grouchy and distant whereas when I wake up with a girlfriend I like to cuddle for a bit before getting up. I'm very affectionate and always have been, even first thing in the morning. She however always got up without a word and made me feel as if she didn't want me there. She'd continue to be quiet and even a bit snappy sometimes until we both parted ways and went to work or whatever. Then she'd call me up at about 10ish and apologise for being ratty with me and say stuff like 'it's a wonder you've not dumped me yet' etc. She's under alot of stress at work at the moment and I've took this into account and been very patient and understanding with her moods since this started happening. She has admitted this to me herself. After a while though the apologies wear very thin and start to mean nothing. It's kinda sad that this happens.

This happened yesterday morning and I'd had enough of her being ratty with me for no reason so I stopped trying to cheer her up as usual and just got on with my own stuff. I started to realise that I wasn't looking forward to stopping over again and that didn't make me feel good at all.

I went quiet for the rest of the day and although Shelly tried to call me about 10ish again I didn't answer and pretended to be busy all day. After I'd got home she came online and asked why I'd not contacted her and I just said that I'd been busy. A few words were had online (not a good idea to argue online) and then out of the blue she starts saying I'm 'just like my dad' and I 'run from emotion'. After being patient with her moods for the past 3 months and the fact that she was slating my family as well I just cut her off and went offline before I could read anymore. She called straight after we had bit of a heated chat on the phone. I started to explain how I felt with her being ratty in the morning and then calling me up apologising etc, and I was just about to say that I take it because I love her and I want to try and make her happy if I can, but she cut me off and said 'well you won't have to worry anymore because I don't want you to be a part of my life anymore. It's over!' and she put the phone down.

Maybe I was being a little insensitive, I'm not sure. I hope I've managed to get all the facts down here so that some of you can give an opinion on the situation. If you think I was in the wrong then fair enough I'll accept that but I'd just like someone else's view. Someone other than t020 that is.

Poor Pauly.

It's nearly impossible to speak about something like this from such a distance (on a computer, with no real idea about the two of you).

If you want a chat about it, PM me.

Hope it works out best for you (whichever way that is)

Cosy:P

To be honest mate I think (from the sounds of things.... and I don't know you from Adam) that you did pretty much everything expected of you.

This has been goin on for a while it seems and (having been there) I can honestly say that it would have worn me down too.

What I wouldn't do is call her or do the chasing now, because basically she has done the dumping... she's the one tht will miss you more in the long run. This may not be what you want but be prepared to NEVER get that phone call. People as stuburn as.. well... I have known... wont call because they always want to be right. If if they aren't always right, they ARE always right (see what I'm saying).

It's hard when you love someone but you cannot and should not be a doormat for anyone. And this applies to both parties. That being said a certain amount of understanding is required on both parts (which it seems like you have). It sounds like she has some intimacy issues (saying she's been hurt in the past) that she needs to get over first before she's able to truly connect with another person. THAT being said, having someone may help her through those issues... however she needs to be aware of the fact there are 2 people in this relationship and not just her.

If it was me, I wouldn't call.... text or contact her in anyway. I'd take her at her word (which is hard I know... I've been there) and try to move on.

I am curious as to why she mentioned your dad though??

I'm not going to tell you what to do or what not to do, because that answer lies within you. If you feel strong enough to cope for now with the mood swings, and the chasing to get you two together again... then give her a call. If not, it may be best to let things lay for a while.

As Cosy says... if you wanna chat send us a PM and I'll give you my MSN id.

Later Dude.

DB

Suprised you put this on, you seemed OK when we chatted last night, but wasn't sure. Hope you feel better as the day goes on.

We all know this is the worst time, the just after, confusion about what to do and say. See how it goes and again if you wanna chat you know where i am.

Awwww.....thanks you guys.

I wouldn't worry DaB, I have no intention of calling her cos, like you say, she's the one who did the dumping and even though she'll never admit it to me (and I don't want to sound conceited) I know that she's probably regretting it now cos she hates being alone.

She's unlikely to contact me either because her pride won't allow it so I think we can safely say that is that!

I keep going over a few things in my head about what was said and what I should have said at the time but thinking about it, it wouldn't do either of us any good to thrash anything out now and it'd only hurt her more than me which really isn't worth it, so it's best to just let it lie. It's a shame cos in alot of ways I really liked her and her family but I guess that's life sometimes. People come and go and it's best to look forward rather than back.

I'll be ok.

Nothing kills a relationship faster than someone who refuses to discuss what's going on... Lots of crap still to get through on her part it seems...

Hard to say I know but seems you're doing the right thing... or at least what everyone else I know told me to do a few months ago..

Onwards and upwards...