Buying birthday & Christmas presents

Hello, not sure this is the correct section to ask this question but it seems the most appropriate.

At what age to you stop buying adult children, nephews and nieces, not your own kids, presents? I ask as it has varied in our family but has been very amiable in the past.

My adult nephew and niece are 21 and 22. They both have good jobs and live with elderly grand parents, one joint between grand parents and boyfriends family. Their dad passed away five years ago and their mum has now married someone who they don't get on with, hence moving in with grand parents.

They have good jobs, both bought brand new cars this year, one has had two long haul holidays this year but they never do anything for anyone else. Don't pay board, don't help with chores, don't buy anyone birthday and Christmas cards, just sign the one gran has bought them, you get the picture. I assumed they knew their grand parents birthdays as they have always been close all their lives but a year or so ago they didn't even buy their grand parents a birthday card until after they saw all the other cards go up.

I'm getting fed up that they don't even send a text message to thank us for their birthday or Christmas gifts so I'm considering if I should still buy them something. What are your thoughts?

You could send them a card if you so wish but presents, at that age, nope. From memory I, and my brother, stopped receiving presents from aunts/uncles etc at 16, and they'd been getting smaller and of lesser value for a few years prior to that.

I have a couple of nieces approaching 16 and when they get there Xmas presents will stop. We'll still get them something for their 18th and 21st but that's it.

Thanks for the reply.

We paid £200 towards driving lessons for them when they were 18.

One of them sent us a Christmas card but the other one didn't bother. It my husbands birthday next week, I bet he doesn't get a card off them. They only seem to get in touch when they need us for something. I wonder if they will be surprised when they don't get a gift next year?

We will always help them if they need us but I'm not going to continue to give them money if they can't stop being selfish, especially towards their elderly grand parents.

We often have similar discussions - the new one is partners of family.

They aren't my friends and i don't know them yet i'm expected to buy them a gift. Oh no.

Back to your question we had the same discussion,my nieces husband could afford a 250k house cash last year, and they're only just turned 30. Do they need my £20 gift card ?

I set a budget this year as although the above conundrum occurred i do quite like buying them something, i've often said i don't even need to get a present off anyone just a simple card that they remember me.

I stop buying presents when they become an adult at 18 yrs. I still send birthday and Christmas cards but that's all.

We often have similar discussions - the new one is partners of family.

They aren't my friends and i don't know them yet i'm expected to buy them a gift. Oh no.

 

Back to your question we had the same discussion,my nieces husband could afford a 250k house cash last year, and they're only just turned 30. Do they need my £20 gift card ?

I set a budget this year as although the above conundrum occurred i do quite like buying them something, i've often said i don't even need to get a present off anyone just a simple card that they remember me.

Thats the point though, they don't bother to send anyone in their own family a card or to say thank you for their gift. I don't know if our niece sends her boyfriend or his family a card (or present).

This year our nephew bought us a bottle of wine and a card but our niece never even sent a card. A Christmas and birthday card or to say thank you for their gifts would have been sufficient.

We don't buy for our siblings now, just their children and our parents. Nobody needs anything, nobody can even suggest anything they want, hence cutting it down.

When they were little we used to ask their parents what they wanted to ensure we bought the right thing. From being quite young our nephew and niece asked for money. We used to buy a small gift and give money. We didn't mind as it used to be spent wisely.

---------- Post added 17-01-2018 at 14:50 ----------

I stop buying presents when they become an adult at 18 yrs. I still send birthday and Christmas cards but that's all.

That's what we are thinking of doing.

We would of course help them if they were struggling financially at any point in their lives.

I don't buy for my brother or his partner, it just fell away when he had family issues which forced us to not buy for his kids, its never been an issue for us. I always send a Xmas card but usually don't get one back.

My wife disowned her family partly because of the Thank You issue - levelled at us. Been ten peaceful years now.