Fareast

People who try to imitate other people 's accents.......or keep changing their appearance to follow the latest fashion........are all losers in my experience. They haven 't got the confidence or brain power, or independence of character simply to be their own man [ or woman of course----must get it pc ! ]. I think the exact opposite of such dumb-dumbs is the ' English eccentric ' type '------unfortunately, perhaps a dying breed in this sad little realm of ours !

Forumosaurus----well, you can search me from top to bottom [ go careful, though ! ] but I assure you that you won 't find a sachet of anything upon my person. You can also stick your nose in my fridge but you will only find smoked salmon, fillet steaks and the odd bottle of vintage champers. I merely go into McDonalds to enjoy the excellent food and cool ambience. As I said, we who defended Old John Bull against the Wehrmacht deserve a bit of consideration after all the blood, sweat and tears and that awful NAAFI sludge they used to serve up.

Oh, no ! I can 't believe this ! I was hoping to have a little puff near the 100 meters finishing line but the spoilsports have ruined it now. I seem to remember my grandfather telling me that some of the athletes used to have a smoke in the middle of the events in the 1948 Olympics. Now, I guess I 'll just have to wolf down a gigantic treble Whamburger [ £ 5.75 ] instead. How times have changed in this little Jerusalem of ours !

Well, it 's not that important WHO wrote it, really. The point is, does it seem true or realistic in its content ?

Personally, I think it 's a bit late to complain to the BBC about any individual programme. It 's been going down the pan for years-----more inane, more infantile, more dumbed down and with a rather large Left-Wing bias. The irony of it all is that each and every one of us, rich or poor.....etc.....has to fork out every year to pay for all the trash------whether we watch it or not. Let 's hope the day is not far off when they have to finance their own tripe.

All O.A.P. 's ought to be served free food in McDonalds. They should also be allowed to smack any teenager on the head with their umbrellas if they hear them using bad language. No-one gave any of us old un 's owt free when we were defending these shores against the mighty Hun in the last lot. We were only armed with a wooden rifle and a carving knife but we were ready for 'em ! Now it 's our turn to get looked after-----so double the State Pension, free rail travel and subsidised flights to Spain .....and a bit of respect, please !

I have never revealed this before but I was once the proud underling who held Prince Charles' pot whist he got on with his business. I held the job [ and the pot ] for 4 unflinching years. I got paid by the litre and I confess I often added my own contribution to the pot as there was 'bonus by quantity' plan in operation. The extra money helped me to splash out. I was only dismissed after I accidently picked up one of the Queen Mother 's hats in mistake for the correct receptacle [ A bit kettled at the time ]. However, I will never forget my ' brush with greatness ' and I might write a book about it later-----followed by a film ?

Well, I'm male, over 18 [ in fact over the hill really ] but I have only ever watched porn as part of some scientific research. This research was a private, one-man investigation to see if porn had a detrimental effect on one 's capabilities. I found the opposite. Watching Pawn was libberating an actually increesed my interlectutral performanse. I washed it 14 hours a day an it maid me very relacksed an layed back. I do have problens with pickin things up an holdin onto things but thats a sepurate problen, innit ?

Some people [ many here on SF ] have been saying for years that Europe is a Nanny State writ large. It 's tried to interfere in as many aspects of life as possible. Unfortunately, successive governments in the U.K have acted like craven sheep and given in to all kinds of lunatic rules and regs. Even more unfortunately millions of ' proud ' British citizens have often kowtowed even more than the government ! Rule Britannia !

Greece should be a cheap option by summertime. Another choice is Benidorm to see the wonderful Youf Culture of the U.K. enjoying their leisure activities, Bon Voyage !

Animals are grabbing the headlines in the U.K. at the moment. Recently a Penguin beat a human in an election and now a dog beats several of Britain 's best in a talent show. I recently trained a hedgehog in my garden to do a sort of dance to Rhythm 'N Blues music. He [ or she ? ] can also do a simple form of juggling. I 'm sure with the present level of human talent in such rapid decline, most animals could outshine most modern ' comedians ' and pop ' singers '. I hope I 'm onto a winner anyway, with the hedgehog, and I 'm entering it for BGT asap. In fact I 'm sure if we dressed primates up in modern gear and put them on in place of modern singers, no-one would notice the difference------well, perhaps an improvement ?

Mr. Sydney [ post 88 ] has hit the head on the nail. We males are certainly NOT just hunks to be slavered over by lusty, rapacious females ! We are NOT all Toy-Boys. We are NOT Human Sex Toys to be dallied with and pawed over. We have our individual personalities and our special charms. Personally, I get a bit cheesed off with getting chatted up by brazen hussies everywhere I go. I 'm even considering reporting some of the more persistent offenders to the nearest Health & Safety Officer. So there !

Cressida-----sorry to say that you have just lost your place near the front of the queue. I think it 's a fitting penalty for your uncalled-for remarks. The only time I have ever been forced to wear a mask was in 1963. I was going to a big party and was just fed up of being chased and molested by hordes of female followers [ plus a few male ones too ]. What a fiasco ! I chose the mask of Herman from the Hermits, got hopelessly kettled and woke up morning next to a burly, grizzled bricklayer. Never again !

Englishmen are THE most attractive males on the planet-----especially those born between 1940 and 1942 [ like vintage wine ]. In fact when I look in the mirror [ as I often do ], I thank my lucky stars that I am up there with Hollywood film stars and pop singers [ No ! and I do not mean King Kong or any of The Stones ! ]

What with the shaven heads and 3 day stubble, a lot of modern ' Youf ' and even middle-aged ' trendies ' look for all the world as though they 've just stumbled out of a concentration camp.

From a male perspective, this is a very interesting question. My ex-wife hated all kinds of housework..............but she just had to get it done and no arguments ! Scrubbing, polishing, dusting, cooking, looking after our 4 children, cleaning my car [ outside and inside of course ], gardening, the windows, the washing [ by hand ].......etc.....etc....there she was, at it 16 hours a day. I was signing on at the time and spent very little time at home. However, when I did pop in, she would always be nagging me to give her a hand. I was never trained in housework so I used to tell her to put a sock in it. For some reason our marriage broke down. I went back to my mother 's and as far as I know my ex- is still muttering under her breath about ' idle sods ' and ' lazy slobs '. If she played her cards right, I would go back tomorrow and give it another try.

Great stuff------but-----do they ever give awards out if you just FEEL like the oldest man in the world ? If they did, I 'd win hands down. Everything else is down too.

One of my mates has an uncle whose grandad was a neighbour of a woman who went down with the Titanic. This connection got me thinking about writing a book on this little-known disaster. Think of the mighty waves ! The suffering ! The heroism ! The cowardice ! What a story !! It would make a wonderful book and I might even get the BBC to make a programme based on the book ! In case anyone missed it, it 's 100 years since the Titanic sank after colliding with an iceberg in the North Atlantic. No 'Elf & Safety in them days !

Yes, I can see Good Time Gorgeous George [ No, NOT Osborne ] ending up as P.M. within another 10 years. The U.K. and Galloway certainly deserve each other. He represents the true face of our wonderful little Eden-----daft, egotistical, greedy, arrogant, stupid and untrustworthy. Carry On England ! Rule Britannia !

Explaining humour to one of today 's protesters is like trying to explain logical positivism to a backward toad

This country, from top to bottom, is becoming something of a cesspool.

We are all being asked to go careful with water. One obvious way is for people to bath or shower together. With this end in mind [ ! ], if anyone aged between 18 and 24 would care to get in touch with me I will do my upmost to organise some ' mass ' bathings. I envisage about a maximum of 10 persons at any one ' event '. Any more would probably be counter-productive and my neighbours are very fussy about laughter, squeals and moaning noises. I am a senior citizen so please provide your own soap and towels [ and any other equipment ] but there is no time limit on the sessions and if popular can take place 24 / 7. Cheers----let us ALL sacrifice for old John Bull !

I used to wait until my good lady wife was fast asleep, then I 'd creep up and smack her with a mop-handle or anything that was to hand. The problem was, after the first thwack, she 'd wake up grab hold of me and give me some terrible beatings. [ hospitalised 3 times ] It was a form of bullying as she was younger and fitter than me. On top of that I was often completely kettled. She kicked me out eventually but I did manage to get her slung out of the W.V.S. on my way to sunnier climes........so to speak.

Doncaster IS part of Scotland. That 's why the good folk of Donny get smashed every New Year 's Eve------in fact come to think of it they get smashed on all the other Eves as well.

Barnsley is an excellent place to live and there 's a rumour it may be ' World Culture City 2013 ' ! You will find that very few Barnsley men like supping beer until they can barely move. The pubs in the city centre on a Saturday night are quiet, civilised and OAP / child-friendly. A few young people sit around, drinking the odd glass of wine and discussing problems of Western philosophy. Chamber Music and German Lieder dominate the music of Barnsley and thousands will turn out on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon for Poetry Readings. It is almost impossible to get into the local art galleries, such is the popular demand.....so....booking ahead is a ' must '. There is an excellent, cheap train service to London and beyond and Barnsley is conveniently near other cultural centres, such as Sheffield, Rotherham and Doncaster. However midnight strolls by the canal can be just as exciting for those wishing to stay in Barnsley and explore it in depth. Bon Vacance, Mes Amis !