50 shades of Liverpool..
"Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women". "As he approached, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my fila tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.""As I stood in line at the Job Centre a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Tesco Express. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same!"